Son has called SS on me

[Itsme20]

I have claimed pip on behalf of my son, we agreed for him to have 45 pounds a week, I was also paying his transport to
college every week out of my own money, he messaged me wanting the full amount of pip, I said no as I thought he would waste the money, he was going in on me calling me names and being horrible; I then agreed the next day he could have it all as I don’t want to fall out with him over money so I thought oh just get on with it! In the meantime he has called SS on me saying I am financially abusing him; I have all the evidence on my phone of me ordering him what he asked for with his money and the rest I transferred him, he also has added onto the report that I emotionally neglect him. And leave him in his room, he is 16 and a half years old; I have messages on my phone repeatedly asking him to do things, I’m really worrying about the visit as I havnt heard a lot of good things regarding social services and frankly I’m so hurt that he has done this to me, I have a one year old too; what would
i expect from the visit? My house is clean I have food in the cubords, I have spoilt my 16 year old son and now thinking about it this has got me no where, what do I do?

You said that I should be paying for his bed, heating and clothes, which I do, if I didn’t that would be classed as neglect? I will try to teach him how to budget, if he choose to blow his money on silly things then he will have to learn the hard way;

And don’t forget that he’s 16. My son’s the same age, also not neurotypical, and he’s normally very pleasant and generally quite nice to be around. A few weeks ago we had an argument about screen time in which he was absolutely revolting and disrespectful. He’s a teenager, they’re like that sometimes. (All sorted out now.)

I’m just saying that teens can be really hard work at times. From what I hear from other parents, being pleasant almost all the time isn’t the norm! I know I was grumpy AF as a teen.

OP stated earlier she is appointee.

Am sorry, yes, it's bloody hard. Am so sorry he's put you through this, try so hard to be a good parent and then it's still not enough.

Best thing to do though? Bright, breezy smile. Go out, see friends - show your son that it's not working. Tell him you welcome SS too, be interesting to see what they have to say regarding his behaviour. Above all, please show him that he's not 'winning' though you feel utterly dreadful. Take away his power.

Sending big hugs. x

Helpful..

Yea I think with them being how they are they over react to things and think they’re really hard done by don’t they, that’s why I try and pacify him as it cannot be nice for them, but they do need to realise right from wrong, oh I dunno; being a mum to a son with autism is hard work; you can’t do right for doing wrong; it’s a learning curve for all, and we don’t always get it right; we just want what is best for our children

All so wrong ...OP is an appointee

Would setting up a joint bank account with your son for the PIP payment help, with a banking app?

I no. 160 quid a month to do as you please as a 16 year old is a lot of money, more than what I would get as a child for birthdays and Christmas, I would have spent his money on what he needed, ain’t like I would have gone out every weekend with it I don’t even drink; I stay in to look after my children to be there for them physically and emotionally, can’t win

I work with people who come to us from group homes and they get £5 spending money (where appointees are necessary). Build up huge savings that are spent in a mad wasteful rush, or pay hugely for staff to go on a cheap holiday. Think @£100 charged thousands. It's awful...we do a lot to help with this.

You've been super kind OP. So unfair to be hurt like this.

“I spend a lot of my own money on my son”

of course you do - he’s a child and you’re his parent - it would be odd if you didn’t!

He might have autism but his intention was to get you in trouble with social services and as you have other children I think that’s really awful.

For luxury’s not essentials I mean, I was bought up with nothing; can’t even remember my parents taking me to a park let alone having an Easter egg for Easter!

I ag

Sorry I posted too early, I agree, he done it to get me in trouble, it was a rash decision I think, he knew he done wrong as he denied it

I think I’ve been too kind and have spoilt my children, I didn’t have nothing growing up and wanted better for mine; didn’t get me far, your doomed if you do and doomed if you don’t I think

I don’t think a new bed is really wasting money.

i’d like to let everyone know that I spend my PIP on champagne and smoked salmon *

• this is not actually true I don’t like champagne

I wouldnt worry, Social Work aren't stupid and will have seen all this before.

If they even bother with this in the first place, as long as you can prove you haven't been keeping his money for your own use they'll not be interested.

Only way it could bite is if e.g you give him £40 per week then use the rest on yourself. If you've been keeping the rest aside as savings for him it will be easily proved.

You'll probably find he'll be the one shitting himself if they knock on the door!

There more concerned where he said financial abuse, there just doing there job, I have receipts of everything,

I'm sorry if I was blunt and came across as a benefit basher - I'm the opposite of it. Of course adults can make their own decisions on how to spend benefits. My only point was whether DS can be trusted to not spend the money on dumb things or does OP need to manage the money for him as a parent. While there are no strict rules on how PIP is meant to be spend, the general rule is that it is claimed and meant to be spend in relation to a disability - if my teenage son was spending PIP money on vapes and other things that by no means help with his autism, I would definitely intervene. Teenage brains are not fully developed and parents should keep an eye on what they are doing

That’s what I’m trying to establish, he has had one payment and has decided to buy a smaller bed for his room witch I think is sensible; my son don’t drink or smoke and I know that for certain, I was doing both at his age, but with my son’s anxiety’s and health worry’s I can guarantee he don’t

Agree
I would discuss this with the S/worker in front of him if placed in supported holding he will learn to become more independent.
They can also arrange for his finances to be managed by the authority if he cant do so himself.
He will not have any one like a mother that will let him get away with things or threaten if he does not get what he wants

I can understand where you are coming from, but I don’t think my son deserves that, he made a mistake; he’s not a horrible person and wouldn’t deserve to be thrown out over it; I’m his mum he needs me

She also says that he's 16 and that the money should be paid to him directly now.

Sounds more like he is abusing you. You admit you’ve spoilt him so it’s time for a bit of tough love. Don’t reward him for behaving badly.