Son has called SS on me

[Itsme20]

I have claimed pip on behalf of my son, we agreed for him to have 45 pounds a week, I was also paying his transport to
college every week out of my own money, he messaged me wanting the full amount of pip, I said no as I thought he would waste the money, he was going in on me calling me names and being horrible; I then agreed the next day he could have it all as I don’t want to fall out with him over money so I thought oh just get on with it! In the meantime he has called SS on me saying I am financially abusing him; I have all the evidence on my phone of me ordering him what he asked for with his money and the rest I transferred him, he also has added onto the report that I emotionally neglect him. And leave him in his room, he is 16 and a half years old; I have messages on my phone repeatedly asking him to do things, I’m really worrying about the visit as I havnt heard a lot of good things regarding social services and frankly I’m so hurt that he has done this to me, I have a one year old too; what would
i expect from the visit? My house is clean I have food in the cubords, I have spoilt my 16 year old son and now thinking about it this has got me no where, what do I do?

Unfortunately, thinking or believing that someone might waste their own money isn't a reason to stop them accessing it. If he has capacity (very high threshold that he would need to meet to not have capacity and going by what you say he has capacity) then he is entitled to spend/waste/use his money how he wants to.

No it shouldn’t !! I’m his appointee!!

It is a reason, on the form they ask why I should become an appointee and I said because he will waste money

Does he have capacity or not?

OP one question - did you previously claim child DLA for your son ? If so have you renewed your appointeeship with DWP since he was moved from child DLA to PIP ? Many parents assume appointeeship rolls over automatically when child DLA ends - it doesn’t, you have to renew it. If you haven’t, you need to do so ASAP. If you have, then you already have permission from the DWP to handle his benefit and you don’t need the agreement of social services.

At 16 he can legally claim benefit in his own name, but in granting you appointeeship the DWP is recognising that he needs help managing his money, so you are entirely within your legal rights - and in fact, fulfilling your duty as his appointee - by stopping him from spending the money on crap and using it for the purposes intended instead.

You don’t have to hand the PIP funds over to him. Your role as an appointee means you are the one responsible for deciding how it is distributed in his best interests. It’s standard practice to keep the bulk of the benefit money in your controlled account and use it directly to pay his costs. You can determine a managed allowance by taking whatever’s left after his needs are met, and giving it to him as pocket money. If he spends it on crap, that’s his choice, but make it clear that once it’s gone, it’s gone.

You also need to keep in mind that the DWP will monitor the appointeeship so you need to keep a simple record of how you are spending the money to support him - simply handing it over to him to spend as he likes isn’t within the terms of the appointeeship so you have to make sure you are acting in accordance with the terms and conditions.

Yes but if he has capacity and wants to be responsible for his own money then it's not up to you to deny him access to his own money. It's not your money to control and decide how he should spend it. It won't be long until he's an adult and guiding how to budget is better than just controlling his money.

This ultimately.

You HAVE a shedload of evidence that you are supporting him and enabling him to make his own decisions. You are simply being responsible in managing his money. Which is precisely you were set up as his appointee in the first place.

Social services get a bad press. Being reported to them is treated as a failure and as if you are going to be found to have done something wrong. This often couldn't be further from the truth and they are there to support people in situations like you by talking through with people like your son WHY they haven't been put in control of their own finances. Because thats one of their roles.

This is what you said upthread - You've got to understand the power differential here. He's 16 and under your roof. So when you say you both agreed that he could have £45 a week (of his money!) that isn't an agreement of two equals. The law states that that money should be paid to him. You don't have the right to keep control of it. The way you're speaking about him is very concerning frankly.

This is completely wrong.

If DWP have made OP his appointee, then the law does not state that the money should be paid to him, but to OP, as his appointee. And as his appointee she has every right to keep control of it. That’s what an appointee is for. DWP have made the determination that he needs help managing his own money effectively - nothing to do with his general capacity, but specifically financial.

His PIP is paid directly to OP and she is responsible for determining how that money should be spent in his best interests. DWP will monitor the appointeeship and at any point can ask to see evidence of how that money is being spent. Simply handing it over to him and allowing him to waste it is not what an appointee does, so it’s not an option.

have you done this @Itsme20

"DWP visit
The DWP will visit the claimant to decide if the claimant needs an appointee. The Visiting Officer will also interview you to make sure you are a suitable appointee.
You will get a letter telling you when they are coming, explaining what they need to know. The letter will give the name of the Visiting Officer. Make sure you check their ID card when they visit.
During this visit, you will complete an application form. This will ask for details from you, including your National Insurance Number. It confirms that you understand the responsibilities of appointeeship and have permission from the claimant’s family, where relevant."

You need to have an accounts book
2 columns.
Left: Date:Deposits (Black)
Right Date: Expenses & Arrears (Red)
So far he has had £160 on the L
But already Taxi. Food & rent contribution & £500 bed. On the Right.

Total. - X

He is in arrears, & will be for several months. As his appointee you should show him this book & he can initial at the end of every month.
It will be a shock, & also a good way of learning about spending.

As for being shut in his bedroom.
Is there a bolt on the outside? He has free access to the whole house.
That complaint is farcical

Don’t worry about the SS contact. This wont be the first time they have been called by an angry teenager but they have to investigate as he is disabled and therefore a vulnerable young person.
re PIP, You can still have it paid directly to him even if you are his appointee.

I didn’t pay this to my son at 16 but frankly he wasn’t as able as your son and wouldn’t have been able to manage a bank account on his own. I can’t remember exactly when I got it transferred to him but it was probably at one of the renewals.
My son is capable of managing his current finances with some occasional oversight but he still runs into difficulties with managing bills, not through lack of money , more dealing with all the paperwork and online stuff, and there is no way he’d be able to manage his own claim forms or the renewals and so on.

He is the sort of person who could lose his job lose his benefits and lose his home and end up on the streets without someone providing oversight as he usually fails to realise there is an issue until it is too late. He is getting better through experience but it’s a slow process. If you met him you wouldn’t realise he has autism (unless you have a similar type of autistic person in your life!).

Yes it is. DWPs assessment of his ability to manage his own money is nothing to do with his general mental capacity and everything to do with financial responsibility. One of the main reasons that DWP allow appointees to manage claimant money is that the claimant would be irresponsible and waste it if left to their own devices - it’s absolutely a valid reason and OP is correct when she says that it’s actually one of the questions on the appointeeship application.

At 16 it is reasonable he has a go at managing his own money.

So you're the appointee, but you pay it to him and you support him and guide him in budgeting and managing that money, covering his transport, covering extra stuff such as food, heating, equipment, that is above and beyond basic normal things a parent would usually provide.

So if he had a bed that met his basic needs for a comfy bed, but he has decided he wants/needs a bigger or smaller bed - his PIP pays for that.
If he can't or won't eat the normal food you supply - his PIP pays for the extra cost.
If he wants specialist clothing or goes through clothing at a higher rate than normal - his PIP makes up the shortfall there.

SS will want to see that you are supporting him in managing his money - if it then becomes evident he cannot manage his money, ie he is not able to afford transport to college, he is not contributing to household bills for extra food/heating... then it is reasonable to take back control.

As long as you can evidence that you're talking to him, getting his input on things, giving him a chance to try, there should not be a problem from SS side of things.

That’s a good idea. That is what I shall do. Defo not bolted down: he just chooses not to, I have 20 odd screenshots on my phone ready to show the worker all the times I have suggested going out, joining the gym, and going for walks that keep getting rejected

Fair enough of course its your son and you want to protect him

But I would get someone else to manage his money untill he can
( if possible in the future) that way he will not be able to accuse you of anything in that respect.
With this out of the way you both can have a mother / son relationship hopefully which I am sure he wants as much as you.
Maybe discuss it with him he may then realise you are not the baddie.

Yes I am going to give him a chance to manage his own money and if he cannot I will take over, he cannot learn if he don’t get a chance to do it

You can’t be a DWP appointee for someone and have their benefit paid directly to them. By definition, a DWP appointee is required to have the benefit paid directly to an account that the appointee controls so that they can manage and spend the money in the claimant's best interests. If a claimant is capable of receiving and managing the payments straight into their own personal bank account without the intervention of a legal appointee, the DWP generally considers the claimant to be managing their own claim.

Have to say I don’t think I’ve ever had any oversight from the DWP regarding the appointee ship since they contacted me just before he was 16 and arranged a visit to my house to meet him and decide whether he was capable of handling his own affairs.

She only spent ten minutes with him, asked him what he would spend it on, he gleefully bounced around the living room and said Xbox games and couldn’t come up with anything else, so she then sent him off to play and just said I should be his appointee until he was capable of managing his own affairs. I won’t lie, I was quite surprised at the time as to me he seemed pretty normal to me but this is a recurring theme with me regarding his autism, I just don’t see it like others, partly because I’m also on the spectrum (but without the learning disabilites), partly no other ‘normal’ kids to compare with and mainly because I’m his mother!

Jealous of baby ? My best bet with the "emotional neglect" bit. So sorry to hear all this op. If he is Pda profile.. that tracks a bit I think. Siblings can annoy them.

Has anyone got experience with them, what will SS do on tomorrow’s visit? Will they check my fridge for food etc? I have no experience in this whatsoever and only hear bad things

He might be? I don’t know he don’t show emotions, he has only just started to come round to my baby, he talks to him now and try to make him smile and play, he didn’t even used to acknowledge him at first

Many moons ago, at the age if 10, this is the way we had to do it in boarding school. Our pocket money was handed over at the beginning of the term. We could withdraw money on a certain day & time a week. (for Tuck!) & taxi money to the train station if we had an “Exeat”. or any extra essentials (not that we had access to shops !)

That was before I realised she was his appointee. Though given the number of inconsistencies in the thread, I'm glad Social Services will be taking a closer look at this poor boy's home life.

just because you don’t make sense and don’t know what you’re talking about your being nasty, give it a rest

It isn’t social services who have the input into how his benefit is being spent though, it’s DWP. They have made OP his appointee because they have determined he can’t manage his own money and that’s why it’s not paid directly to him. As his appointee it’s OP who has the responsibility of deciding how the money is spent in his best interests, so it’s really not an option to hand it all over to him and let him make the decisions.

Now that he’s 16 DWP will monitor how well OP is doing as his appointee and they can step in at any time and ask to see how that money is being managed. She should be keeping a simple record of spending/receipts to evidence proper management. Once it’s clear that she is allowing him to access the money and make his own decisions as to how it’s spent, they will consider him able to manage his own money and she will no longer be his appointee.