How to talk to my daughter about very short, tight shorts

[YepIChangedMyNameForThis]

My 14 year old daughter went shopping with friends yesterday and came home with the shortest, tightest denim shorts EVER.
They look like they would feel too tight and go right up her bum, she said they didn't. She also said a friend of hers had a similar pair on yesterday.

They just don't look great, how the hell do I say it without her thinking I am saying she looks fat in them!

All the mumsnetters would be clutching their pearls at me running around with 2 preschools and tiny skorts. They are just legs.
You can all keep your baggy linen trousers.

Because you’re either at the beach, or swimming.

Why is her having an older brother relevant?

unless you think that males will respect her brother telling them no rather than listening to her?

much the same as men will back off a married woman out of respect for another man, rather than actual respect for her, her wishes and her saying no.

which of course gets to the issue here. The problem is not these girls and what they wear,

Again though, why is that different?

if your child is told they can’t have their bum on display, why the beach exception?

no one seems to be able to say why you can’t walk down the street with a bit of bum cheek out, but you can walk around a beach or swimming pool with your whole arse out.

yes I know, it just is. I feel the same way, and I know it’s social expectation. “It’s not the same” seem the common response, but to me it is exactly the same.

but logically, people here are saying these kids can’t have their arses out in public. Which I agree with. But then they say they can have their arses out in public, as long as it’s near water.

if a child shouldn’t be displaying their arse, that should apply to the beach too imo. The reasons are still the same- men looking, not old enough etc. don’t get me started on thong bikinis these youngsters wear either.

There is no way that at 17 she is unaware that her nipples are showing. Some people go for that look.

Well I don’t allow my dd to have a bikini that doesn’t cover her bum. Doesn’t have to be shorts style to do that.

Yes id say therapists have a lot to say about this fucked up approach.

You don’t talk about it.

You buy yourself a tiny pair of shorts to wear around the house. Then she can understand that actually most people don’t want to see others, regardless of sex, age or size….in teeny tiny shorts.

It’s all about what’s appropriate. Walking down the street in a bikini is subverting norms which is attention grabbing, it’s also attention seeking behavior.

Apparently, you could also get piles from sitting on hot radiators in the seventies/eighties. It seems that people couldn’t make up their minds on which temperatures caused them. I am yet to meet anyone who suffered this affliction as a result of where they were sitting. 😂

I'd say nothing.
When she's lying in bed at night scratching her itching fanny like there's no tomorrow, she'll learn.🙄

Hint.. people don't want to see half uncovered arse cheek areas, almost shoved in front of their faces FGS! It's not even expecting people to cover up, just don't have your arse cheeks bulging out and bend over in front of someone. I find it disrespectful, you can't miss it, I don't want to see this!

You are correct, of course. But in real life, men often do not respect women, and I'd rather not have my teens going around being leered at.
The only time I wore a very short skirt in my early 20s, I was curb crawled (not in the UK). I never wore one again. I don't like men looking at me and making their disgusting thoughts apparent.

Beach and pool are different because swimwear for women and girls is rarely available with a shorts option - swimwear showing butt cheeks is now the UK social norm, sadly!

Fully agree with this. DD21 is not ‘stick thin’ but often wears a crop top and has a bit of a tummy on show. She’s not bothered, has access to full length mirrors etc and has eyes so can see what she looks like. She looks gorgeous but my ‘teenager in the 90s’ head has to be given a wobble when I see her. But that’s MY issue, MY problem not hers.
If you want a ‘no arse cheek’ rule that’s up to you. Personally I’d leave it for shorts; it’s better than a very short shirt where you can then see underwear.

I agree with you re first statement, I’d hope they’ve changed over the years and been educated.

However, last year a man in daytime in my high street grabbed my arm whilst I was walking whilst wearing an above knee length dress so he hasn’t learned anything and I’m 54.

So I think men need to and should be and hopefully are being educated but also especially younger girls need to know how to respond or not to any comments made.

Serious question, but if they are inappropriate/ show too much/ too tight, can't you just tell her that? There have been a few threads like this in recent months, and maybe I'm missing the point because I don't have a daughter. When they are older, fair enough you keep quiet, but at 14 don't you have a say in what she wears?

We used to wear tiny shorts in the 1970s - often braless too! Fashion goes full circle quite often.

They are mini shorts and almost all shorts this year available at popular teen retailers are like that. I'm not too keen either but it's the fashion.

Mumsnet loves this topic the more descriptive the better. These threads have something for everyone, the sniffy pearl clutters, raging misogynists, cool mums and pervs.

This! She’s a child. You are the parent. It is YOUR decision what clothing is permitted in your home.

Yes, all those things are possible. But in the majority of cases women who obviously don't wear a bra in public and wear clothes which reveal and show their breasts or half bare buttocks do it because they know it gets male attention, and they enjoy the frisson it gives them.

Not saying that's wrong, but people shouldn't fool themselves that women and even young teenage girls don't enjoy using their physique to attract male attention, it's part of the fun of being a young woman and realising the power that you can have over men.

But you do realise that this all says more about men, and they should be the ones to adjust? If women start policing what they wear (like they are made to in some countries) where does that end up and what is learned? That women need to be controlled.

Or shall we just skip to the part where we are all in Burkhas and going to church on Sundays popping out kids when the men of the family dictate? Under his eye.

This is a really interesting post. My 13 year old went to meet a friend in town yesterday in leggings and a tight crop
top. She was staying out a bit later than usual and I did have an internal debate about it. Settled for leaving her to wear what she wants, but talked to her about unwanted attention and how, it’s unfair, but dressing in some ways suggests you are ready for this sort of attention. She’s a young 13 and not interested in boys (or girls) and so she ended up bringing a T-shirt in her bag in case she felt uncomfortable and wanted another option.

She’s a dancer so spends a lot of her life on a stage wearing very little and dancing for hundreds of strangers. She feels most confident in a leotards and looks beautiful in anything. I’m a massive body positivity person and spend my (fat) life in rainbow dresses and chaotic jewellery but I still felt odd about sending her into the world with quite that much skin on show. Am actually relieved to see this is something other people struggle with as well!

Men literally have sex with dogs though - by age 20 most women know it isn't exactly a prize being able to attract a man's "attention"!

Hot pants
Daisy Dukes

get some perspective