How to talk to my daughter about very short, tight shorts

[YepIChangedMyNameForThis]

My 14 year old daughter went shopping with friends yesterday and came home with the shortest, tightest denim shorts EVER.
They look like they would feel too tight and go right up her bum, she said they didn't. She also said a friend of hers had a similar pair on yesterday.

They just don't look great, how the hell do I say it without her thinking I am saying she looks fat in them!

(Oh and my parents had a lot of feelings about my clothes. It just meant I lied a lot)

Of course plenty of women don't want the attention of any random man.
However there are huge numbers of women that do enjoy getting male attention from simply anywhere. Plenty of them on Mumsnet who appear to be married or partnered with the most awful-sounding men who most women would have got rid of years ago, but those women seem desperate for any male attention.

I also wonder whether that's why the arse-baring shorts and crop top looks is generally confined to teens, they aren't sophisticated or mature and enjoy the novelty of attracting male attention by the way they look and think it's a compliment, it's only as they get older they realise you don't have to hang it all out for the right kind of man to find you attractive.

OFFS. I do wish people would stop treating women as innocent little ingenues.. Women wear revealing clothing because they want male attention. It happens in the animal kingdom where females show off bright plumage to attract males or female baboons bottoms go bright pink to let males know they’re fertile and attract them. Something I always think when women wear those awful scrunchie bum leggings to enhance the size of their backsides. Men and women do things to their appearance to attract a mate.

Unfortunately young girls and some young women don’t always understand the implications of what signals they’re sending out to the world and are ill equipped to deal with the attention it receives. There seems to be some thinking that only attractive members of the opposite sex (or same sex if they’re that way inclined) are allowed to look and any unattractive person should know their place and will be then labelled a letch.There is a wilful refusal on this forum to understand that a man could feel embarrassed or uncomfortable by a female showing off her buttocks or nipples. However I sure all the same people would feel uncomfortable if they had a male in front of them wearing little more than a thong and and a crop top so is it so difficult to imagine that a man might feel the same if the tables were reversed?

This was my thinking when pp said about her young dd getting attention but that most “know she has an older brother”

So what, women and girls need the protection of men to stop other men sexualising them? those without a brother, a husband or dad are vulnerable?

again with the “I’m married” trope to stop men hitting on us.

why can we not just say no and be listened to.

We might as well just skip to the part where we can’t leave the house without a man to “protect” us from other men.

I actually DGAS if a man feels "uncomfortable" looking at me. Disabled people had this when they first dared to go out in public and do "normal" things, fat people get this, gay people get this...it isn't about them, it says far more about the observer feeling they should never have to see anything they deign offensive.

Tights??? 🤣🤣🤣

I remember not being allowed to wear nylon tights in high schoo they were banned l I can't remember why we were also not allowed to were trousers ! We wore over the knee socks and tiny skirts instead there was a girls only assembly about the socks. A few senior girls organised a sit in! Utter madness

Good for teens of today. I think we could all learn a thing or two from their much healthier attitudes to wearing what they want rather than being restricted to what someone else thinks suits your body type. I remember spending too much time looking at those body type pictures in magazines trying to work out if I was an apple or a pear and it is only now at 50 plus that I have decided I'll ignore what disguises my alleged flaws and wear what I want.

I did try to broach the topic of leery men with my daughter but when she said 'if you don't want to see someone's bum, don't look' it was such a convincing point I left my lecture there. We live on the coast and she spends lots of time in just a bikini playing volleyball on the beach with complete confidence in her body. Good for her.

How many blokes are there wearing shorts that show their arse cheeks?

Did the fashion for "sagging" pass you by? It seems to be fading away now but there was a point when pretty much every teenage boy wore their trousers so low they were basically round their knees

@notwavingbutdrowning1 This is a foolish answer to a legitimate concern. Obviously we all have nipples. Everyone, barring surgery, has a full set of body parts. But there are social normals about which of them we show. Would you be as cavalier about the outline of a man's penis being visible through his clothes?
Well considering that the main purpose of nipples is to feed our young, whereas the penis is mainly thought of for something else , your argument falls flat.

I remember seeing a man wearing what looked like 'designer' clothes and his trousers started below his bum cheeks, his fancy underpants on show. He looked ridiculous.

Well those who think all these teenage girls are dressing for men’s attention need to meet some teenage girls!

my dd hates any form of attention when she’s out - but she gets it in school uniform, wearing joggers or when she’s in her daisy dukes sadly

Yes I saw a young chap running for the train having to hook his trousers up to stop them ending up round his ankles 🤣

There are a few comments on here that are really fucking creepy.

Always, on threads like this. Par for the course. This topic is a thing on MN, surely everyone knows. The highly outraged posts and the creepy details are all key part of this <ahem> genre. There are many threads like this. It's usually school skirts, but barely there shorts are super popular too, the 'discussion' is clearly very enticing stirring to some.

Let her be uncomfortable and her thighs chafe and hope she ditches them?

Yes, but all that showed was underwear.

Sorry , I posted and ran and went off Fathers Daying. I have just popped back to have a quick look and there's a ton of messages. Thank you so much for them all and the wisdom.

For those who have said you are the parent just parent, the rest of the comments will perhaps help you to see that more clearly. They have helped me, from the ones who remember their Mums disapproval to the reminder that they will wear them anyway, with or without our knowledge.

I am consciously trying to not ever judge what my daughters wear on the basis of protecting them from lecherous men as have often argued that it isn't our job to police anyone else.

I now realise how hard it is for every mother at every stage and remember my Mum trying to persuade me to wear different options (I didn't listen) and realise now she just wanted me to always be the best version of me.

I will let her live her best life in the shorts 😄 She is quite a self conscious kid, one of those always pulling and fiddling with their clothes and this is why I was hesitant to say too much as I will never let her feel anything but healthy and beautiful in our home. BUT, I will have the conversation about leery attention and also the reminder about appropriateness of outfits for different times/places to avoid future "discussions."

Thanks everyone.

People who wear burkhas don't go to church.
I sometimes wonder about the life experience of mumsnetters.

I have stated several times on mumsnet that I was brought up in a deprived area. On another thread I was slated for being too rich. On this thread I have had a post deleted because I dared to make a negative comment about the area where I grew up.

Obviously I know I have deliberately crossed religions to show how prevalent that line of thinking women need to be told what to wear is globally, not just in countries certain people protest about. Protesting one without realising your views on women's clothes are part of the same mindset is ridiculous and dangerous.

Sorry love. I am a post feminist. Your thinking is decades behind mine.
Been there, done that, got the t shirt.

That comment wasn’t just “negative”, it was racist.

i am glad someone called you out and reported it.

Yes, it was racist and also complete bullshit.