How to talk to my daughter about very short, tight shorts

[YepIChangedMyNameForThis]

My 14 year old daughter went shopping with friends yesterday and came home with the shortest, tightest denim shorts EVER.
They look like they would feel too tight and go right up her bum, she said they didn't. She also said a friend of hers had a similar pair on yesterday.

They just don't look great, how the hell do I say it without her thinking I am saying she looks fat in them!

Why on earth would you assume she wasn’t wearing underwear? What a bizarre and unnecessary imaginary detail.

Unfortunately “Absolutely Not” was my knee jerk response when DD came downstairs in a pair of minuscule shorts at a similar age. Not ideal, obviously.
Fortunately, since I’ve never reacted negatively to anything else she’d ever worn, she rolled her eyes and got changed. They went to charity a couple of years later.

They need to learn - I discuss with DD why something is inappropriate and why other people may be wrong but it’s the world we live in.

we have a ‘dress code’ - there are beach/holiday clothes and there are city clothes and there are mooching around the house clothes. City clothes need to cover you up a bit more and we need to consider where we are going when dressing

and when we go on holiday to other countries where norms are different we adhere to those

Why not tell everyone about your teenage girls wearing short shorts and their bum cheeks?

Nearly every single post in response to this has suggested that this man was wrong for looking. I’m sorry to be crude but if it’s shoved in your face you can hardly do anything else can you ? If they were bowling, everyone else in the vicinity would probably have noticed, regardless of their sex.

I agree we have no idea how short the shorts or whether there was underwear underneath, but l’ve seen these shorts on my DD’s friends and I’m afraid it’s very obvious that the majority don’t wear underwear with them. When did it become acceptable to condone this while condemning anyone who finds the thought of suddenly staring at someone’s bare backside and more, embarrassing ? Why are they viewed as pervy for being so ? That’s what doesn’t make any sense to me.

Based on my experience. My DD is around the same age and her friends wear similar. It’s blindingly obvious that they don’t wear underwear with them and will freely admit that they don’t. It’s not far fetched at all.

Tbh my parents would have just told me I look fat. Cue half of the clothes I owned never being worn again, but it also destroyed my confidence to a degree that even when I lost weight and my Mum insisted on buying me short shorts and mini skirts etc. I didn't have the confidence to wear them. It took me to the age of 17 to get back into skirts and into my twenties to bring myself to put on a pair of shorts. Maybe take her shopping yourself and try and show her what suits her, but please be careful with her confidence.

I'd have a good, long talk about self sexualization, personally. This is literally the only reason for such shorts. It's not flattering to any body, they arent comfortable, and it continues the message that men are entitled to women and that women's only value is in how much skin we show.

This.

Oh I would have no problems saying no if I thought something was inappropriate. Im
the adult and she’s the child and it’s my
job to keep her safe. I do in fact have a DD14 and she does wear Nike Pro shorts but she doesn’t have bum cheek on show. It would be a definite no. She’s never bought any but she’s shown me photos of super high cut shorts so she knows my opinion. She also wears cami tops and crop tops so it’s not as if she’s locked in a convent.

How is it “being sexual” feeling uncomfortable seeing someone’s bum???

Dd has never been a big fan of clothes. She's always favoured a legging/ tight top combo. This has now graduated to shorts and little tops. Like any of the other young girls around here.

In her case, she looks amazing. I would have killed for her figure at 14, and i do worry about the attention she'll be attracting when she's out. Although a lot of kids 14-16 know she's got an older brother.

I've had the talk about pervy men, but i think that bounced off. I've also discussed the reasons for her wanting to wear very little and why she feels she needs to. I suspect she'll do a total u turn by 18. There's only ever been one outfit that I said a straight no to. She didn't even quibble.

When did it become acceptable to condone this

Condone this? It’s a bloody pair of shorts, get a life.

while condemning anyone who finds the thought of suddenly staring at someone’s bare backside and more, embarrassing ?

A grown man finding himself unable to stop looking at his daughter’s friends arse is a creep, there’s no way around it. And crying to his mummy after about how much it embarrassed him, god what a wet blanket.

Some of you could do with sticking on a pair of hot pants and lightening the fuck up.

At that age my ‘red line’ was ‘no bum cheeks’.

I’m 50. We all wore hot pants at that age and exposed our bellies.

However, I totally hear you op!
Also agree it’s probably a phase.

It does make me sad though that teen girls think they must expose themselves as much as possible to be fashionable. Boys don’t have this.
Fashion is so bloody sexist.

Don’t even get me started on the gym leggings that go up your arse hole!!! 🙈🙈🙈

Id be mortified if I saw like my dad wearing that and doing that. Doesn’t make it sexual in any way shape or form. Fgs this thread is ludicrous

Sure, all your daughter’s friends tell you about their underwear habits. Of course they do.

This is a foolish answer to a legitimate concern. Obviously we all have nipples. Everyone, barring surgery, has a full set of body parts. But there are social normals about which of them we show. Would you be as cavalier about the outline of a man's penis being visible through his clothes?

Well I’m 55 and no way would I have worn hot pants at 14!!!! No chance in hell. I was a New Romantic in any case and we didn’t wear bloody hot pants

That clothing just wouldn’t have been allowed in my family growing up. They’d have been taken off me and I’d have been told to wear something more modest.

There’s a lot to be said for this approach

Meh I have a daughter the same age and can’t get worked up about it.

I mainly get jealous I don’t have a figure or legs like hers as I’d probably wear the same if I did. 😜

Shes knows there’s a time and a place for certain clothes and that seems to keep a balance as she can own the tiny shorts but we doesn’t wear them to dinner at MILs etc.

Ask her where she got them so you can get some too. Wear them when with her in public.

Exactly. You only get this type of half arsed argument (no pun intended) on MN. The attitude is that if you even notice, you’re a perv. The notion that a woman’s freedom to dress as she pleases needs to be tempered with a bit of self respect is frowned on. As is not allowing very young teens to go out with the maximum flesh on show. To me it’s a safeguarding issue. We know it shouldn’t be, but it is, so as parents we need to act accordingly.

One of mine went through a phase like this, the most revealing clothes, but it has passed and now she wears quite baggy stuff mixed in with tight gym stuff. I think the quicker you let them go through this, the quicker you get out the other side. Or not, I mean I used to wear hot pants and I still would if I wasn't 55 and would look terrible in them- I still wear shorter skirts if I'm in the mood in winter, and definitely get my legs out in summer. Life is too short to overthink this stuff.

Agreed with this, we had conversations about where clothing is appropriate and not appropriate, and I did say a flat 'no' to some things to be worn to relatives' houses on the basis that the relatives might feel uncomfortable. In seaside resorts on the Med, girls and women walk round in bikinis and sit in restaurants and in some of them the men are less leery and disrespecting in public than in the UK where men think it's fine to shout out of their (usually white) vans. This attitude to women is not universal (and it's even worse in some other countries as well, where dressing appropriately is more policed).