How to talk to my daughter about very short, tight shorts

[YepIChangedMyNameForThis]

My 14 year old daughter went shopping with friends yesterday and came home with the shortest, tightest denim shorts EVER.
They look like they would feel too tight and go right up her bum, she said they didn't. She also said a friend of hers had a similar pair on yesterday.

They just don't look great, how the hell do I say it without her thinking I am saying she looks fat in them!

I feel you so much, as a young teen I never went out the same away my friends did. They’d have short dresses and heels and I’d have a blouse a pair of baggy denim shorts and block heels but it wasn’t to do with my body size as I was a size 6 it was to do with the way I looked to others I guess and not to look too much at a young age . It followed it all the way through to I was picking my own outfits on a night out and still to this day at 31 when I’m shopping I think “ would my mum like this” or “ what would my mum say” in my earlier 20s I wouldn’t buy something I thought my mum wouldn’t like. I’ve got a tad better now as im
older. My point is you can continue to guide her and encourage her why don’t you take her shopping and see what you both can come up with?

My mum always talked to me about style versus fashion and also about the fact that it's what boys don't see that makes you more attractive to them. Also, you're more likely to get noticed if you are the one who looks fab but not wearing what everyone else is.
"You're a prize to be won and boys loving winning. They'd prefer to win a World Cup than a sports' day medal"
It helped that my mum always looked elegant and stunning and all my friends looked up her.
It's a mindset and teaching your dd it, will help her dramatically with her confidence and self-esteem and be the end of short shorts!

I recall freaking out at 21/22 in a clothes shop just trying on normal denim shorts, the assistant said I looked fine and she was being honest I think. I was paranoid about my legs, bum and cellulite, most of which I had nothing of! Body shaming was real back then.

On Friday evening early (after work) I saw 2 late teens in tiny stretchy shorts, yes they showed everything including cellulite but they actually looked good and I admired their confidence (just standing outside the awning of a restaurant).

It’s a fact though. While tight clothing doesn’t directly cause thrush, it’s significant contributor.

Tell her. You will get the trendy mums saying don't, but I would say something, I know I wouldn't like my daughter going out half naked.

She's young, she will make fashion mistakes, part of growing up. But if too much backside on show, I'd say no, or to wear at home only.

DD doesn’t dress for boys at all. Her dad made a comment about how her clothes could be perceived by men and she gave him a bit of a dressing down tbh. I actually think most teenage girls dress for the approval of other teenage girls

i have spoken to her about how men may interpret how she dresses and that whilst it is wrong and that isn’t her intention she just needs to be a little careful in some situations. Which is sad really.

Creepy men look at young girls and women regardless of what they wear. These men need shaming, not girls and women made to change their clothing because men can’t control themselves.

All these people saying they would hide the shorts, tell their daughters they’ll get thrush, tell them they look bad etc, I hope they’re also telling their sons to act like decent humans and not leer at women. If they are, it’s not working with many of them. Girls are given the message that they’re somehow wrong by the act of simply wearing the clothes they want, whilst boys are too often left alone to act badly.

It’s difficult but you probably just need to let her get on with it. My god daughter aged 13 had an horrendous scouse brow that she insisted on an applying every morning. She looked ridiculous and people would literally laugh at her behind her back when we were out. Her mother tried to gently point in the direction of a less horrific look but it fell on deaf ears. Then at 14 something clicked and she realised how ridiculous she looked and was furious no one stopped her at the time. You can’t win!

Thrush isn’t OPs concern though, so it’s irrelevant.

I’d just tell her ‘those shorts are too tight and they don’t look good’. Whether she takes any notice is up to her.

Agree

I agree. It’s fashion they like them.
Super popular with teens and a majority will wear them

The daughter thinks they look good presumably as she wouldn’t have bought them. Who else should she be looking to please with how she looks?

Please don’t do this. My mum used to do it to me. I absolutely knew she did it and it was one of the reasons we don’t have a good relationship. I found it controlling and judgemental.

o/p it’s a tough one. Best approach though, hard as it is, is to say nothing. If she’s 14 she’ll have limited opportunities to wear them anyway.

my dd went through a similar phase. As she pointed out, if anyone was bothered by a bit of bum cheek they could just not look.

tbf we have no issue with teen girls wearing bikini’s, so is it really such a big issue when they wear shorts that don’t actually reveal as much?

Doubtful. Did you never suffer in the name of fashion! It’s a rite of passage!

Does she wear a bikini at the beach/swimming? If so why is it ok to be “half naked” then?

EDITED - WRONG THREAD!!

🙄 She's not on the beach.😂

Your daughter knows that her nipples show through her top she wants men to look at them. She knows men look at them. She likes it. There’s nothing for you to say.

Do you really think there is no difference? Would you walk around your local area in a bikini? No, didn’t think so.

Totally agree.

Short shorts have always been in fashion. I rem cutting up a pair of jeans back in the 90’s and they were pretty short!
unless her actual bum cheeks are showing I’d leave it.

Ah I remember those teenage days in 90's, the word 'tarty' coming out of my Mother's mouth several times a day. Yes Mother, my very modest, by today's standard, mini skirt, thick black tights and knee high boots were 'tarty'. My sheer/totally see through blouse and sequined bra in show = tarty 🙄.

Personally I would be okay with teen daughter wearing what she is happy with as long as it is similar to all her friends. If friends arses are hanging out she'll blend in fine!

Not popular but yes I would be challenging her about them.
This is about girl's having self respect for themselves, not felling they have to follow a fashion and the message they send out wearing tight or revealing clothes. Especially when they are only 14!!
I recognise this has to be carefully approached to prevent body issues but whatever shape or size a girl is, this is about looking after their wellbeing longer term.
Raising girls to question is a good thing ie about fashion - who has designed it and why rather than just following others will only benefit them longer term.
FWIW, I have a nearly 11 year old daughter and we discuss clothes and the appropriateness if them. She likes certain clothes that are quite fitted/revealing and it's a no every time, as it's not suitable. She has a good figure, is active but she is still only a child. Fortunately her older female cousins, who she looks up to dress respectfully, and have their own style.
I also have a son and it's amazing how tricky it is to find longer shorts for example for a girl rather than a boy! There is a sexualisation of younger girls/girls clothing that does need addressing - so that girls don't feel they have to be fashionable by wearing exposing clothing!