what age for dad sleeping in bed with daughter

[rainbowprincesschapell]

i am a single parent to a 5 year old -the dad was removed from the home at birth but she's always had contact. she sleeps two nights a month at his house . her and i bed share and with the warmer weather she wears a nightdress so she gets fresh air to her bits 😬
she has told me that this happens at her dads too and she bed shares with him and when i say they're here private parts she said he dad said well mum didn't send any bottoms! i don't know what to think at all. i think at 5 years old he shouldn't be sleeping next to her bare private parts and i bring too protective? i can't broach the subject at all as he's reactive

What a vulgar way to speak about a 5 year old.

If he is not a convicted in these matters man, not sure what people can tell you. There are so many male divorcees in the UK who have daughters whom they take to their own houses and look after solo on the weekends....does it mean if a father is alone with their daughter everything can be a concern now

Im with you op. Id be uncomfortable too. From now on can you send her with just pj's?

Though I suppose it dosent matter what she wears if he wants to he would.
Have you got anyone else to speak to about this? Someone you trust?
Suppose she happy enough to be doing it which probably shows nothing is going on?

We model the boundaries. If you have one rule for you and another for dad it muddies the water. We understand that men are a bigger risk but kids don't. She'll just want to do what she always does. Make the norm wearing pants to bed and she'll do that.

My kids have body autonomy. They greet people how they want. They decide if the want to give a hug, kiss, high five or just ti wave. The rule is the same for me as everyone else. I ask if the want a kiss I don't just give them one because I'm their mum. The learning starts with me. I respect ask and respect no.

me too, I could share with my grand dad and dad until no matter their or mine ages. A good family is a good family

So what would you be uncomfortable with? What are your reasons?

Don't send night dresses. Get your child into the habit of only wearing pyjamas and it won't be an issue.

She's 5 though, it's time she was in her own bed at both houses. Your comment about being an abused parent bed sharing says this is about yours and not your daughter's needs.

She needs privacy and boundaries in place in both houses.

OP this is above my pay grade but perhaps this org might be useful
Gingerbread: This is the leading charity for single parents in the UK. They have an expert helpline and online forums where you can discuss contact arrangements and how to handle difficult co-parenting dynamics.

• Website: gingerbread.org.uk

The fact he's male with a history of domestic abuse.

You are 100% right to teach her about boundaries and her private parts (please use anatomically correct terms for body parts as art of this teaching). If she is happy sharing a bed with her dad then I wouldn't say anything. If you are uncomfortable with her being semi naked with him, then send bottoms with her, and she can choose if she wears them.

DD (6) chooses to be naked as often as we'll let her. Including when sharing a bed with her (at her request) with either me or her. We do teach her that noone outside of our immediate family should see her naked as that's private and she can choose to cover up with us as well if she wants, it's her body and her choice.

Pretty sure I wasn’t asking you directly.

we all agree he physically assaulted his partner, that isn’t in doubt at all.

wasn’t the question though was it?

So why is he saying that mum didn’t send bottoms? If you did?

Your words

she said he dad said well mum didn't send any bottoms! i

Is he lying? I’d be concerned!

Always good to teach small kids the PANTS rule

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/advice-for-families/pants-underwear-rule/

Privates are private
Always remember your body belongs to you
No means no
Talk about secrets that upset you
Speak up, someone can help

No probably not but women don’t offend against their children in the same way as men. OPs ex beat her when she was pregnant so he’s already shown himself as of low character.

She can start wearing knickers at night wherever she sleeping.
Fresh on at night cotton.
if you want advice
Talk to nspcc talk it thru on a help line
Speak to your social worker or gp.
Theycan advise you
Is the 2 night court ordered?

OP plz understand, things are really simple: A man that beat you up so badly that you ended up in hospital while heavily pregnant should not have unsupervised time with a female child.

It's probably ordered by the court.

I'm sorry this thread has been unpleasant in places OP.

Please don't leave.

The best advice here is simply to have DD wear light (cotton) PJs now going into summer when she is with you and pack the same for her to sleep with at her Dads. Easy and normal for her.

Send her with what ever you know she needs.

No one can blame you for feeling vey wary of him. He's shown that he can be a monster. Just keep a close eye on DD and make sure she's always happy to talk about her time with him and is happy to go.
💐💐💐💐💐

deleted

That's lovely for you but i imagine your father didn't beat your mum so badly she had to go to hospital while pregnant with you ? We're talking about different animals here.

Totally normal if everyone is happy until puberty. Even then, teen dd and Dh share a tent when camping (they do a lot of multi day hikes with wild camps along the way). I mean, if you think her dad is a risk, that’s something else entirely (and you don’t have to bedshare to abuse a child). But totally normal at 5 years old. My ds still bedshares with me sometimes and he’s 8. That said, most children wear pants to bed. If she’s getting frequent infections (hence the no pants), that’s something else entirely to explore.

Thank you. No idea why everyone's being horrible to OP. If its a concern to OP then you can get pyjamas sets which are a short sleeve t-shirt and shorts. These should be OK in the warmer weather if they are light cotton. Something like https://direct.asda.com/george/kids/nightwear-slippers/D25M2G1C11,default,sc.html

Get her some short pyjamas. I wouldn't be allowing him unsupervised contact anyway if he beat you while pregnant. He lost his temper with you he could easily lose his temper with a 5 year old.

This is all very unsavoury on all counts tbh

Hence why I deleted when I had read some more, you must have pounced on my post pretty sharpish, well done you!