what age for dad sleeping in bed with daughter

[rainbowprincesschapell]

i am a single parent to a 5 year old -the dad was removed from the home at birth but she's always had contact. she sleeps two nights a month at his house . her and i bed share and with the warmer weather she wears a nightdress so she gets fresh air to her bits 😬
she has told me that this happens at her dads too and she bed shares with him and when i say they're here private parts she said he dad said well mum didn't send any bottoms! i don't know what to think at all. i think at 5 years old he shouldn't be sleeping next to her bare private parts and i bring too protective? i can't broach the subject at all as he's reactive

That’s fair doo’s. Men who beat and abuse women are scum of the earth, I’m in agreement with you for sure on that

Sorry you went through that. Is it mandatory that you permit visits? I personally wouldn't want him having unsupervised contact.

i shouldn't have started the thread as it hasn't been helpful. there isn't even a tiny corner in my brain that could comprehend abusing my daughter who i've protected and am still trying to protect (hence my post ) and i feel sick at the thought that anyone would suggest it. thanks everyone.

Apologies so what was the point of your post?

you sleep with your daughter in a nightdress but unhappy that your ex does.

what are you actually unhappy about if your not concerned about him abusing her?

OMG read the thread. This man put the OP in hospital the day her baby was born. The police arrested him and removed him.

This is all really weird!
She can just wear knickers to sleep when she’s with you and him for god sake! She doesn’t need to air her private area… why would she?! Surely she could wear the knickers she went it? Also, he has her twice a month, he can’t be expected to have all her clothes there… I’m assuming you send a pyjama top so send spare knickers too!

Either way, if you’re worried about this, I expect you’re concerned about sexual abuse in which case why is she seeing him at all?!

It's only been one idiot who has suggested such a thing.
The rest of us are doing our best to help you.
Please don't go.
♥️♥️

Yes I have read the whole thread and he is a grade a bastard for doing that to her. I have never said anything different.

Are Social Services aware that she has contact with him 2 nights per month?

That’s utterly ridiculous. Just send her pyjamas with her. This intense if children having separate clothes for each parent is so bloody damaging to them. The clothes are hers. Not yours. Not his. Hers.

with respect, not everyone might think or feel the way you do. i won't continue to justify myself apart from say i was asking it it was appropriate for a dad to sleep with a 5 year old without having the politeness covering her up. and the reason i asked was boundaries- which are different for different genders. i would feel more ok with my daughter half naked more than i would my son at the same age and that's biology and common sense.

Argghhhhh i sent pyjamas knickers a bag full of everything !!

Not a problem at all. Hope you get a resolve to this I really do.

It is unfair.
Men are statistically far more likely to sexually abuse children.
But you know that.

She probably didn’t want to put them on if she’s not used to it at home, and being her dad he didn’t think anything of it.

I don't think you're wrong and crazy. Your thoughts are valid. I would feel the same. A friend has just found our her ex and his mate were sexually abusing her then 5-10 yr old son, whilst he was at his dads house. He's 14 now.

I can't fathom why he has contact at all given that he beat @rainbowprincesschapell and put her in hospital on the day their daughter was born.

She wrote the point of her post in her opening message but you're more concerned with her abusive ex being portrayed as a sexual abuser. She wants to know when it's age appropriate to say this isn't suitable any more and how to have these conversations with her daughter.

Then you start on about she's just as much as risk and trying to derail it.
Official MoJ conviction records for "Sexual offences against children" show the following breakdown:
Conviction Category
Male 99%
Female ~1%

Yes agreed. Men are OVERWHELMINGY LIKELY to sexually abuse children. To try and minimise it like pp did is unreal / idiotic.

This is the kind of post that people are referring to when they make posts stating that Mumsnet can be a horrible place. Op was put in hospital by her child's father and probably working though a lot of issue with coparenting. She is being pulled up for not using anatomically correct terminology for genitalia by posters using passive aggressive acronyms like 'fml' and 'ffs' in order to demonstrate how much they loathe the OP for not having been through the same rigorous safeguarding training as them, or something. I wouldn't be surprised if this thread gets pulled in the end.

There's a way to speak to people, offer your opinion and share best practise without sounding hateful.

Strangely, OP, I find that ChatGPT is more humane with personal and emotional issues like this. Robots have more empathy than humans at times.

I think this is a really hard thread and it's totally understandable you feel upset and rattled when you end up talking about this horrible man. I do get that.

But I don't think it is 'biology and common sense'. A normal, healthy relationship between any child and parent, when the child is this age, just should not have to do with gender and genitalia. Making a child feel she should 'cover up' for her dad is on a slippery slope to giving her the idea that the problem is her body.

If you are worried he's not to be trusted around her - and it must feel absolutely appalling if you do - I have huge amounts of sympathy and I get that. I just think it's a separate issue from discussing what is normal, healthy parenting for a child that age.

Correct, never said different

He's a bloke. So of course he's minimising the violence she experienced.

Yes.

Stop spouting bollocks. I’m not minimising anything what that horrible man did to her.