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Parenting

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I misread the situation between my son and my boyfriend's daughter

177 replies

SpunkyMentor · 21/04/2026 02:21

I have a 16-year-old daughter, a 13-year-old son and an 8-year old daughter. My boyfriend has a 12 year-old daughter. More often my boyfriend and his daughter would come to my house for the times for everyone to hang out. My boyfriend's daughter spends the most time with my 8-year-old daughter. My son and my boyfriend's daughter don't really talk to each other, and they talk less when the other is around. They also tend to avoid being in the same room if they can. At times, I've seen my boyfriend's daughter literally run away from my son.

My son spends a lot of time in his room, either on using his tv, video games, laptop, phone, or weights. Sometimes he wears earphones. My 16-year-old daughter told me about something I didn't know. My 16-year-old daughter said that my boyfriend's daughter would sneak into my son's room. That BF's daughter will throw something at him and run away. If my son is wearing earphones, she might try to walk up to him, poke him on the shoulder then run away.

I asked my son about it and he confirmed it's true. I asked if it's part of a game and he said no. He said she's really weird. I asked him if she's bulling him. I told him boys can be bullied by girls. He said "yeah kinda." I told him I love him and that everything will be okay.

I talked to my boyfriend. To use a less harsh word that bullying, I said bothering. I asked my boyfriend to make his daughter stop bothering my son. And he said he will.

2 weeks later, things seemed better as my boyfriend's daughter has been spending even more time with my 8-year-old daughter. My son asked what's wrong with my boyfriend's daughter. I asked what does he mean. He said she's not acting like herself. I asked if she's still bullying him. He asked what do I mean. I said I told her father to make her stop bullying you.

He looked really upset. He asked why did I make her dad stop her and that things were perfect the way they were. I reminded him that he said she was bulling him. I asked if he's scared of her, he said no. I asked if she said something to him. He said no and that's the problem.

I asked if she's hurting him in anyway and he said no. He told me to stop asking questions as if she's a bad kid. I asked if he and her were friends. He said it's complicated. I said that maybe she can go back to doing whatever she was doing before. My son told me I don't get it and then he told me to stop meddling. He told me I ruined everything.

Obviously, I'm really confused.

OP posts:
Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · Yesterday 23:23

SpunkyMentor · Yesterday 20:12

I guess I feel foolish because it feels like every other parent seems like they would have handled it better.

You barely know this man. Your kids shouldn’t k ow each other let alone the other adult.

I mean this kindly OP but the fact neither you or this man thought things were moving too fast is a red flag.

You wanting a man to be a father to your 13 yo ds is a red flag.

Your son focusing on your happiness and knowing this would upset you is a red flag.

Therapy and being single for a bit is what I would recommend.

I just started sleep overs on the occasional Saturday with my partner of 3 years and 15 yo ds here.

BusyExpert · Today 04:55

i think you are worrying too much. You are over thinking the situation. It’s perfectly normal for children of this age to start having crushes. Your job as a parent is to make sure that they behave properly and appropriately. As I said elsewhere make ground rules about not being in bedrooms alone etc and enforce them and keep a dialogue going but don’t get too personal . It will only embarrass them and they will shut down completely
its not easy being a parent of teenagers but you can handle this.

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