My mother let someone take my son to the toilet.

[Duiwjankdjen16382]

Please can i have your opinions. Recently myself and my son went to a large family meal for my Grandads birthday. I went to order food and left my 3 year old son with my mum (his nan) when I came back to the table I asked my mum where my son was. She said he needed the toilet so her male cousin took him. This is the first time that my son has met him as he lives quite far away. I was upset as to my son it was a stranger and wasn't asked my permission. My mums cousin I know, I've been to his family Get together with his wife, children and grand children over the years. But it just didn't sit right with me. My son was gone 2 mins and didny seem phased by it. My husband when I told him was also not happy. We spoke to my mum but she didn't see a problem. Am i over reacting?

Jesus I would have just thanked him.

Yeah your overreacting is would imagine cousin said im nipping to the loo then your son said i need to go and nan said quick then go with cousin. If you don't trust your family and think any of them are paedophiles don't let your son around them at all

Over reacting. You know this person, it was a very brief time, your son was fine.

This is the village everyone is always asking for. This is what it looks like and this is one of the compromises, you get help, but it doesn't always conform perfectly to what you would do.

no you’re not overreacting. I would doubt my mothers judgement a bit now too.

I figure this cousin is quite old? As I’d imagine most younger (29-50s) men know not toilet a child they don’t know without the mum’s consent.

Sorry but I think you are over reacting too.

It isn’t, you know.

OP, I had to have serious conversations numerous times with my mother before I allowed her to have my child alone. I literally had to coach her on basic safety.

You are not over reacting, it shows your Mums lack of judgement in the moment. Although we know that abuse tends to happen by family members, there does not appear to be signs anything happened.
The long term issue is the message it sends your son, that it is okay for a stranger, which is what this person was to him, to provide intimate care. Children are taught about areas of the body being private, but this needs to be followed through in practice to help keep them safe. I would not be happy with this.

Can’t believe this is even being asked. Massive over reaction unless there’s a drip feed on its way.

As he has grandchildren, it's likely he isn't a youngster. He was asked by the grandmother, who was responsible for the child at the time. Should he have refused and risked an accident while permission was sought? 3 year olds can rarely hold it for long.

Why the OP hadn't asked him if he needed the toilet upon arrival at the restaurant, or before leaving him in the care of another is more strange IMO. At 3 he likely hasn't been potty trained for very long. I remember always asking my children if they needed the toilet before and after a journey when a toilet became available again.

What a strange philosophy to have. It’s different being around men to having one of them see your child’s private parts. That should be select and trusted adults only. You can’t “spot” a paedophile.

You're overreacting. I can understand your initial feeling of slight concern when you returned to the table and he wasn't there but your subsequent actions are a complete overreaction.

If you don't like other people making decisions based on their own judgement, don't leave your son with them. Why didn't you check whether he needed the toilet before you left him?

Whats bothering you about it specifically?

Why couldn’t the OP’s mum have taken him if the OP wasn’t close enough to ask?

Of course he should have refused! And ‘grandfather age’ doesn’t guarantee safety!

Yes, that demonstrates a worrying lack of judgement.

The OP's mum is also a family member

I'm with you OP. I wouldn't have been happy either.

They think that between 7-9% of children in the UK get sexually abused by an adult at some point. Most of this abuse is done by known males (family members/ family friends etc). I suspect the number is higher it’s just lots are not reported due to lots of different aspects (fear of not belong believed, low conviction rates, risk of family disowning etc).

No you are not overreacting. However, your mother might not be able/willing to understand your concerns.

I think whether he was asked or volunteered is relevant. Offering to take a child you had never met before to the loo would be weird.

I wouldn't be happy at this age. An older child that just needs to be taken to the door and no supervision would be very different.

@Duiwjankdjen16382 I actually can’t believe how many people think you’re over reacting 😳😳
FWIW - I’m absolutely with you. I wouldn’t be happy with this at all. Why could your mum not have taken him herself? I think it shows a complete lack of good judgment on her part.
It’s about the wider message it teaches your son - the man is a stranger to him and he’s been shown it’s acceptable for him to help with intimate care.

I wouldn’t be happy either but clear your mum sees it differently. If you ask her not to do something like that going forward will she comply despite disagreeing? I find it odd the cousin agreed, I wouldn’t take a child I’d met that day to the toilet related or not.

I’d be absolutely livid and would not be leaving the child in their care again.

What is your point?