My mother let someone take my son to the toilet.

[Duiwjankdjen16382]

Please can i have your opinions. Recently myself and my son went to a large family meal for my Grandads birthday. I went to order food and left my 3 year old son with my mum (his nan) when I came back to the table I asked my mum where my son was. She said he needed the toilet so her male cousin took him. This is the first time that my son has met him as he lives quite far away. I was upset as to my son it was a stranger and wasn't asked my permission. My mums cousin I know, I've been to his family Get together with his wife, children and grand children over the years. But it just didn't sit right with me. My son was gone 2 mins and didny seem phased by it. My husband when I told him was also not happy. We spoke to my mum but she didn't see a problem. Am i over reacting?

Do you think predators walk around sharing their inner most dark interests with everyone, so everyone can make informed decisions as to whether or not to socialise with or leave children with them?

Ofcourse you don’t, you’d be an idiot to think they did.

So OP and her DM can’t say for sure that they absolutely 100% know him or anyone outside their inner circle really. So there’s risk in sending a 3 year old off to the toilet with a male adult which is simply avoidable by taking the 3 year old to the toilet yourself. Lazy grand-parenting here. OP is right to be furious.

Grow up.

The 3yo child did not know him.

We shouldn’t be teaching our children it’s acceptable for strangers to accompany them to the toilet, no matter if their parents know them or not!

I wouldn’t be comfortable taking a relative’s young child to the toilet if I’d never met them before.

You are not overreacting, it was inappropriate - I would not take a young family member to the loo if asked if I had just met them… your mum should have taken him to the ladies. I can’t believe people think otherwise.

This is a 3 year old who is likely to need help still in the loo. I think it’s bizarre that your mum effectively gave him to someone else. He’s of an age where no-one would bat an eyelid him going into the ladies with your mum so I don’t know why she thought it was a good idea tbh. I think it says more about her judgement really and would make me reconsider any other care she might be providing.

When my DDs were 3 by the time someone came to find me and asked for permission to take my child to the toilet and they then did so it would probably be too late.
It's an overreaction and they were gone for 2 minutes. I wouldn't be worried unless this male insisted on taking DS to the toilet or tried to engineer other situations where they were alone together m

Ummm you do realise paedos are not usually "weird loners", right?

No one is suggesting someone went to ask the OP’s permission. His grandmother, who was looking after him and whom he knows, should have taken him to the loo. It’s not that complicated.

Absolutely! And the cousin’s judgement. Nowadays most men know that they could be accused / suspected and therefore do not put themselves into a situation where this could even be possible. Some are even reluctant to help a child up - if not theirs - if they fell off a bike! So for both the child’s safety and the cousin’s safety this situation should never have happened.

My divvy MIL used to do the gardening whilst my DC (toddler) was asleep in her house (upstairs out of view) and have a workman working inside the house all that time whilst she’s pottering about outside! No one but my child and workman in the house for 3 hours!

I hit the roof when I found out.

It’s all about unnecessary risk.

Children and adults are most likely by far to be abused by a relative. You aren’t over reacting. Your mum was not fulfilling her end of the agreement.

I thought you were going to say a stranger! Yes YADBU

I’m surprised you hadn’t taken your child with you, especially if you’re not completely happy about your child being attended to by other (probably unqualified,) folk?

I'll try. I'll avoid using unnecessary capitals, for a start.

i don't think it over reacting to want to decide who takes your 3 yr old to the toilet. Today safeguarding is seen differently (for good reason) that to previous generations.
I would discuss with your mum and explain how you feel about safeguarding your child.
Even if this situation was fine it doesnt mean your instincts and wishes on safeguarding are unreasonable.

Again, grow up.

No. You're not overreacting. Anyone who disagrees is underreacting and you will always find child r@pe minimisers on these threads attempting to gaslight - just ignore them.

It's simply an unsafe situation that did not need to happen, at all. Nobody needs the risks explained, everyone already knows them fully.

She obviously can't be left alone with your son if she makes ridiculously stupid decisions like this.

You get that a huge percentage of child abusers are family members, right?

And that predators don't walk around with t-shirts declaring 'I'm a wrong'un'?!

Better safe than sorry saves a lot of kids from a lifetime of trauma.

You just cannot be too careful sadly. Your DM has shown poor judgement and if possible I would avoid leaving your child in her care again.

It's shocking the amount of parents on this thread that don't understand that a large proportion of sexual abuse comes from family members not strangers. They will be no doubt the same silly ostriches that would bury their heads in the sand and refuse to acknowledge it if a report of abuse was made within the family.

Yes. why couldn't she take him to the ladies with her if he was only 3? I just can't understand why she wouldn't do that. Its not like he was 7 or something. He's still almost a toddler.

You are not over reacting on that point.. and I'd want to make sure she understood that its not OK to send him off with a man he doesn't know.

Having said that, what's done is done, your DM was confident about this person

My main concern would be that instead of acknowledging that you had a point she accuses you of over reacting. It sounds like she just doesn't listen to you. My DM did this all the time and it meant I couldn't trust her with my DC, as she had no risk awareness and wouldn't be told.

No you are not overreacting. I would have lost my shit.

I'm with those who think your mum should have taken him. I've sense-checked this view by thinking about my nephew, who I used to look after a lot at this age. It was automatic for me to take him to the ladies.

YANBU, I wouldn't like that either. It's done now and looks like everything was OK though. Just make sure your mother knows you wouldn't like that to happen again when your son is in her care.

We don't know the exact circumstances. It could be that Grandma was busy chatting, eating, whatever and little Jonny suddenly says "I need the loo!". Male cousin, perhaps not realizing exactly how old little Jonny is, says he going to the loo and offers to take him as well. That's not odd.

I agree that if I was the grandmother in this situation I'd probably take him myself but that's more because I wouldn't want to put someone else out.

I'm perfectly well aware of abuse taking place within families, and the vast majority of abusers being known to the child, but I still think the OP is over reacting.