Can’t do anything with newborn baby

[areandare]

My baby is almost 8 weeks old and I love him so much, but I can’t do anything with him. At the start he would sleep in his Moses basket in the day so I was able to get things done, but now he will not sleep in the days unless he’s in my arms. I used to be able to take him places, shopping, cafes etc, but now there’s no point as he just screams the whole time and it isn’t enjoyable.

I can’t do any housework, my washing basket is overflowing, I don’t eat anymore because I don’t even get a second to do that, my life just feels like a continuous loop of hell right now. He’s good through the nights which is one positive, but the second we get up at 7am for the day the nightmare begins.

My partner works but is useless so doesn’t really help much when he gets home as he’s ‘tired’ and goes to sleep before his last feed of the night and doesn’t do any night feeds as he has to get up for work. I have a very supportive family but don’t want to lean on them too much as they all work full time too.

Im just dreading every day at the moment, the only time he’s not crying is when he’s asleep in my arms. Please tell me it gets better I miss being able to eat a meal and relax 😢

What kind of entertainment do you have for him ? Maybe try some rockers or a bouncy chair made for infants your baby can stretch his legs in.

I recommend keeping him up as late as possible as well. So you can get some stuff done in the mornings and have a couple quiet hours.

For your other half, I’d call his mom and ask her to come over and help. Around the same time that he appears home. I bet he springs into action and becomes dad of the hour then 😜

I do remember being seriously overwhelmed when DD1 was born and like your DS, she would not tolerate being put down. At all. I preserved with the sling and she got used to it. A bouncy chair and some Baby Einstein to watch definitely helped as long as we were in the same room. It does get better. Sometimes they’re just born with separation anxiety … DD2 was self soothing from day 1 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yes it gets better just know that it's very short term. My son is 21 years old now he cried all the time it really got me down. But it gets easier try and get a break from baby if possible.

A baby carrier could be your saviour! To shower, I used to put my little one in a bouncer in the bathroom with a tonie on the tonie box and make it as brief as I could. It does get easier even though right now, it doesn't feel it.

Hi there. I thought you might find this useful.

https://iconcope.org/

My baby was the same! I felt terrible as house was a mess but then I just gave up on the house and enjoyed the cuddles with baby and camped on sofa and watched TV box sets!!! Keep snacks and drinks with you!

Reality is time passes quickly and before you know it they've grown up and you'd do anything to have one of those sleepy cuddles!
It will just be a phase. It'll go quickly.

Things to bear in mind, it's ok to let them cry in their bouncer or in baby gym for a few mins while you make a sandwich or put a load of washing on.
Get them in the pram and get out for a walk. Fresh air is good for you and baby.
Try a dummy!

Just put your baby down and get on with it, book some parenting lessons, visit GP to see if you are suffering from depression.

It took mine a few goes to adjust to the sling. I started with very short bursts, just bouncing her up and down and side to side. She soon grew to love it. Make sure you have it correctly fitted. There are sling groups that can help. It’s a great tool for the first year.

Selfish bastard ☹️sorry but he is xx

Walk around with him strapped to you in one of those baby carriers? This is what I used to do with one of them. Back aches end of the day but I could get everything done.

Have you tried giving him a dummy?

My second child liked to be with me all the day. i carried him with me. It didn’t last forever. How I long for those days. He’s 40 now……..

take to the gp and check for reflux... if lying flat makes him cry it could be that.. and its so painful for them but theres medication and pillow things to help them be less flat...

Give up on the housework and get your partner to do more. Don’t skip eating even if they end up crying a bit. I never mastered baby wearing but I put mine in the baby bjorn bouncer and bounced her with my foot while I ate.

My ds (1 of bg twins) was like this. HV suggested putting him back to bed, after breakfast and it changed my life. Both of them then slept for 3 or so hours until.lunch, then it didn't matter if they had an afternoon nap because they'd already banked up some sleep. They then slept most of the night. 8 weeks is early though. I think we didn't do that until about 12 weeks.
It does get better, promise. And you need to work.out a way of getting him to lie by himself. It's not cruel, it's teaching him that,actually,he's fed clean and loved so he doesn't need to be held 24/7.

I had this with my first born. I was so worried, took him to the doctors a few times but they basically said I was a neurotic new mum. By the time he was 18 months I couldn’t take any more, went to the doctors and pleased with them to take me seriously- a lovely doctor stripped him down - the first one that had ever done this - and found a hernia - so maybe just worth a check x

Yes agree with previous poster wrap him in a baby sling & you will be free to do all the chores in peace.

A wee thought - does baby have reflux? Would explain why he will cry if put down? Try putting a rolled up towel under the sheet in the cot or moses basket to keep him slightly elevated at an angle. You could also put blocks under one end of the cot to also keep him at an angle. Have you been to a baby massage class? That might help with massaging out any wind. Also try infacol at feeding time. If you are on bottles, try getting Browns bottles that are designed for colic and reflux. If he won't settle at all, make an appointment with your health visitor or GP and they will soon work out if there's anything else you can do with him or whether he is just a fussy baby. Good luck - it will get better. Hang on in there Mamma Bear x

Baby qearing was the xure for my DS1. I wore him in a woven wrap at the feont Nd i wore a cami too so he fekt my skin and a cardigan if it was cold. I got 45mins at a time e ough to coean, wash up, wash clothes and make a meal or 2. And when I was done I would chill in bed nuraing him and lay down so we both got rest. Popped a podcast in my ears and relaxed. Picm the best time of day when he is the most settled. Take him our for qalka cheatt to chest. And try 30min walks and increase over the weeks. Some babies are not sit in the corner alone babies a lot of babies are veey clever and know Mamas arma are the beat place.

You have been given some great advice here OP, you will get through this, you are at a really tough age and are doing amazing!

just echoing the sentiment about getting your DH involved more and having a frank conversation that outside of work time, baby is a joint responsibility, you can’t be the one in charge 24/7. Moaning to you that baby is crying achieves nothing, he’s 8 weeks, of course he is going to cry! He shouldn’t also be assuming it’s ok to do sports every weekend, this needs to be part of your conversation if you haven’t discussed already. You are both parents now, hobbies are great and you should support each other to do them, but in these early months they should probably be taking a back seat while you all adjust to being a family unit and stick together through the first year or so while there is so much change and learning for you all to do.

I feel really strongly about this as this times sets the precedent for how you will both parent in the future and division of labour. Don’t accept a balance you aren’t comfortable with now as the resentment will creep in further down the line.

And honestly, my (slightly morbid) thought process is in the unlikely event me and my DP split or something happens to me, I know he can take care of our DC because I see him doing it every day. Day to day we both have tasks we pick up more than the other but we can both do everything the other one can. As it should be in my view.

I used a baby carrier with a head support so they were with me as I was doing housework.. cooking.. eating.. they slept in a carry cot on a stand next to my bed so I could stroke them if they sounded a bit unsettled... got up for feeds at night.. then settled down again this worked both times for me.. A whole time growing inside a mum.. really secure and safe... then being on your own in this big sometimes noisy place.. scary.. maybe try a harness.. I wish you well.. 💕🙂

Hire a sleep consultant, I used Miriam from Miriam’s Dream Babies and she’s wonderful, and sorted out my problems and my friends. At the point you’re at I think spending a bit of money to potentially sort it out is 100% worth it. It may be that he has an allergy and is uncomfortable, that’s the kind of thing Miriam would be able to spot even if you just do a phone call with her. Good luck!

Brilliant that you have come on here seeking some support.
I haven’t ready any of the earlier comments, so excuse me if I am repeating anything.
ICON is a good place to start. Crying can make you feel very anxious.
Not sure where you are on your feeding journey. Even if you are breastfeeding you are possibly able to add in a dummy by now? Babies get so much comfort by sucking.
I just wanted to add that your baby has no idea the effect his crying has on you. He has the same primitive brain that babies had when we were living in caves.
His primitive response is survival - he needs to feed so will cry for this. He also needs to be close to those who will protect him from predators- so will cry when he is not close to you.
Your life will be easier in the long run if you respond to his cries - you will build a much more calm and confident child. But if this crying is too much then walk away - ring someone who you trust.
You are doing a brilliant job. Back in the cave days you would have been surrounded by female friends and relatives who would have supported you - doing all the jobs that would allow you to just feed and cuddle your baby - much less so today.

Yes, I tried this with my oldest nearly 40 years ago and it didn't work then either. He didn't sleep for any length of time either, just catnapped and screamed in between. It will get better even though it doesn't feel that way at the moment

Put the baby down. Put him in his cot. He will be safe. He is so used to you holding him He dosent know any different. Parenting has changed. Mine are grown. We did not hold them constantly. We put them to bed and shut the door.