Can’t do anything with newborn baby

[areandare]

My baby is almost 8 weeks old and I love him so much, but I can’t do anything with him. At the start he would sleep in his Moses basket in the day so I was able to get things done, but now he will not sleep in the days unless he’s in my arms. I used to be able to take him places, shopping, cafes etc, but now there’s no point as he just screams the whole time and it isn’t enjoyable.

I can’t do any housework, my washing basket is overflowing, I don’t eat anymore because I don’t even get a second to do that, my life just feels like a continuous loop of hell right now. He’s good through the nights which is one positive, but the second we get up at 7am for the day the nightmare begins.

My partner works but is useless so doesn’t really help much when he gets home as he’s ‘tired’ and goes to sleep before his last feed of the night and doesn’t do any night feeds as he has to get up for work. I have a very supportive family but don’t want to lean on them too much as they all work full time too.

Im just dreading every day at the moment, the only time he’s not crying is when he’s asleep in my arms. Please tell me it gets better I miss being able to eat a meal and relax 😢

Try a different sling. My newborn loved a pouch sling. See if there's a sling library near you so you can try before you buy. My baby was also a klingon and my slings saved my sanity. Hands are NECESSARY.

It does get better. You have to drastically lower your expectations on what you can achieve in a day. Washing, cleaning... It's a nice to have, not the main event. If your poor, poor partner (MASSIVE eye roll) can't deal with the baby, he needs to pick up laundry, cleaning and making you a sandwich to grab on your lunch.

But it does get better, and there are many, many of us that could have written your post. Hang in there x

Does he have reflux? It sounds like he is in pain.

Your Partner should at a minimum be doing Friday and Saturday nights. Also taking taking the baby out on Saturday and Sunday morning for a couple of hours to give you a decent break and a chance to have a sleep.
Have you tried a sling.
And earplugs? My first has terrible colic and earplugs really helped. He also liked being submerged in water up to his neck and watching the washing machine go round.

My daughter was exactly like this. When I was finally able to put her in a pushchair where she could see the world, we started going out without the constant screaming and life became so much better. I tried different slings - she hated them all, hated the pram even more, the car seat - but she absolutely loved the pushchair. There’s hope!!

I did a lot of walking with a parent facing pram, then pushchair, mine seemed to enjoy that, getting outdoors in all weather was good for both of us.

My baby is 18 months and still only sleeps on me or my husband. It is much better for them. You need to change your perspective - see it as 'my baby is as happy as a clam as long as hes on me'. I would wear a sling to do my chores and go for a walk and then sit on the sofa and read a book while baby slept on my boob. You can then do online food order etc. while they sleep on you. At parties i would walk around in the sling, i never used a pram.

The only thing that saved my second son was an electric swing. When I was utterly desperate from sleep deprivation and constant screaming, I put him on Speed 3. It saved me.
There's nothing like the despair you feel with a screaming baby that can't be calmed.

6-9 weeks were the hardest with my baby, very difficult to soothe and lots of tears, particularly the evening. We introduced a dummy and that really helped!
It definitely gets easier in the sense you can put baby down and eat, shower, look after yourself because they become more independent's but being a parent is constant, it will be a different type of difficult if your husband doesn't help out x

My first used to drive my bonkers crying all day, I had to rock him for ages on the rocking chair to get him to sleep and then I would be stuck for hours with him on my lap.
He also wouldn't sleep much in the sling, but I be used it a lot with my daughter to put her to sleep then I would be able to sit down.

That rocking chair was the best thing we ever bought though! Strongly recommend if you haven't tried yet.
The perfect combo for him was dummy + rocking very hard on that damn chair + music.

I also recommend trying the music, things quiet nursery rhymes or instrumental relaxation type of music. Sometimes I would have to put it quite loud to cover his screams until he started to listen and then he would calm down quickly.

You have my sympathy, I couldn't wait to go back to work. It didn't calm down until he was 5ish months old.

A stretchy wrap sling was my savour. I just left it on and popped the baby in and out.

Tbh the newborn days are just about survival (or they were for me). I used to go to bed as soon as dp got home and tried to sleep 6pm to midnight, then he got midnight to 6am to sleep. Weekends were split.

It will get easier!

when you’re in it, it can be so frustrating. But looking back, honestly feeding and cuddling your baby is your only job. And o bet you’re doing it really well!!!

Yeah but not all babies like the sling.

Like others have said go to a sling library if there's one near you.
Have a look into infant osteopathy too - it can help with any tension babies hold and help with excessive crying, etc.

For sleep bed sharing/co sleeping has been a life saver for me with both children - look up how to do it safely, then you can even nap during the day with baby safely if you're exhausted.

Agree with others about your partner needing to step up. He could start by taking baby out for a walk whilst you rest/shower/eat your dinner whilst it is hot etc, he can learn how to baby wear too which may help. It will help with their bonding as well as giving you a break.

Use a sling and move in with your mum

If you stay staying with baby’s father, as soon as he gets home hand baby to him and get yourself some food and shower and PJs on. Then go to bed when baby does. Tell DP he needs to do tidying up and laundry too.

Assuming he was there for the conception he should be stepping up and being fully involved. My own father worked full time - manual job but still came home and took over from mum. He also did the night feeds and cared for us if we were sick in the nighttime. He said it was the only time that he’d get to spend time with us. This was back in the 70s.

Check out purple crying it tends to peak around 8 weeks before easing and getting better.

DS was a nightmare at this age. The only things that worked were a sling and a star projector in his crib. Moving lights around the walls of it used to hypnotise him.

Your DP also needs to step up I'm afraid. You are tired too.

Sending solidarity and sympathy. To echo a PP, I think the most helpful thing possible is to know that not all babies are like this and you are taking the extension paper. I remember going to a NCT type meet up in early weeks and another mum had made scones. I couldn't comprehend how she has possibly had the time to do so. I used to be on a thread for parents of screamers, and remember someone joked about other people's placid babies being 'potato babies'.

On the bright side, this will be the hardest part for you. Those other mums used to talk about how hard they found it to get anything done when their babies started moving and I just found it the same because I never could get anything done, or easier, because DS was happier!

I barely did any housework with the logic that I wouldn't have been doing it during the daytime when I was at work, so it wasn't my responsibility on mat leave. I ate the same one minute lunch every day, peanut butter on toast, which now gives me PTSD.

Things that did help and have already been mentioned:
-Dummy
-Cutting dairy

• naked time - when I had a quick shower I would put DS naked on a change mat on the bathroom floor

-Sling -Look up Merlin suit. I discovered by accident the ridigity of my DS' snowsuit helped him sleep alone

By 4 months I had a breakthrough where I could rock him in the pram to sleep in a snowsuit and deafening white noise and then slip away. I eventually managed to wean out of the snowsuit but he continued to require rocking in the buggy until 3!

Both my daughters were hard work, and one refused to be happy unless she was attached to me in a sling, but if your baby is crying all day I'd go to the Dr to rule out that there's no medical issues. Assuming not, if he is going to cry anyway then he might as well do it in the sling for a bit to give you some hands free time. I also recommend one of those Stokke newborn nests that you can attach to a highchair - really useful for when you want to eat dinner. Babies seem to like being in it especially when you dangle a toy off the arm thingy that comes with it.

My second was similar, slept well at night but moaned all day and there didn’t seem to be a reason for it. I eventually found out he had a dairy allergy. No signs at that time apart from slightly spitting up. It wasn’t until 6 months when his eczema started and then at 12 months once we moved on to actual milk that we discovered what may have been the reason.

He is just over 2 now and i think his temperament is generally a bit more whingy compared to my eldest so may have also been that.

It does get better. Keep trying with the sling. My DC sometimes used to cry but now loves it. Don’t stress about the house stuff. When it gets really bad your DP will step up. Hopefully.

Try a sling, buy ready meals, call your mum if needed.x

I used to get some time to myself, arms free, by taking my baby out in the pram so he'd fall asleep in it, then wheel him back home and leave him in the hallway asleep in the pram. Then had precious time before he woke up.

When our now 12 year old was tiny we had a schedule. He was in charge of the baby from 7pm-midnight..then I could get a chunk of sleep. From 12am I would get up with baby so he could get a chunk of sleep

Will baby suck on a finger for a bit after a feed in the evening to settle? DH used to sit with him skin to skin sucking on his (clean) finger in the evenings between feeds while I ate/slept. What is your DH good at? Mine enjoys cooking so he did it all. We paid for a cleaner My babies were very refluxy and wouldn't be put down. I had a wrap sling and carried them around in it while they slept so I could do things/ get out. Sometimes bouncing on a yoga ball with them in the sling helped settle them. It gets easier!!

Try a diff sling and make sure you have the fit right x