Can’t do anything with newborn baby

[areandare]

My baby is almost 8 weeks old and I love him so much, but I can’t do anything with him. At the start he would sleep in his Moses basket in the day so I was able to get things done, but now he will not sleep in the days unless he’s in my arms. I used to be able to take him places, shopping, cafes etc, but now there’s no point as he just screams the whole time and it isn’t enjoyable.

I can’t do any housework, my washing basket is overflowing, I don’t eat anymore because I don’t even get a second to do that, my life just feels like a continuous loop of hell right now. He’s good through the nights which is one positive, but the second we get up at 7am for the day the nightmare begins.

My partner works but is useless so doesn’t really help much when he gets home as he’s ‘tired’ and goes to sleep before his last feed of the night and doesn’t do any night feeds as he has to get up for work. I have a very supportive family but don’t want to lean on them too much as they all work full time too.

Im just dreading every day at the moment, the only time he’s not crying is when he’s asleep in my arms. Please tell me it gets better I miss being able to eat a meal and relax 😢

Parenting hasn’t changed, fads have.
closing the door on a crying child was and still is the wrong thing to do.
love, care and comfort is needed. The world is a scary place after the womb, there is always a reason for crying.

Hrft but I feel your pain. DC now3 was just like this from 4w. Tried different slings as he got older and found he preferred the structured type. Do follow safe slings guidelines whatever type you use.

I learnt to do stuff in 30second bursts.
Also food prep of snax I voukd eat with one hand and jugs of water with clean cups.
I was lucky he liked a certain pillow and eventually he coukd be laid down on it when asleep and if you got it perfect, right temp, right angle etc he woukd stay asleep for up to 30mins. This pillow was absolutely not safe sleep practice and I checked on him literally every 30seconds. But we had to find a way forward as I was exhausted and we had no support locally. We used a sleep monitor and cameras. To do it safer I'd find the softest safe mattress you can and have it in a travel cot or something.

But I wanted you to know you are not alone, Now3 is still a poor sleeper by comparison with peers but thrives otherwise.
He defo had reflux and he still has bouts of congested breathing suggesting he has Airways that are easily blocked. So do get baby checked.

Fussy spirited babies on FB.if you want sine more support.

Same here, screams got louder until he vomited.

I promise you it does get easier. My little one is now 14 months old so the whole new born baby stage is still a very recent memory and the situation painted a very similar situation to yours and as he's got got older he's got very independent and happy just playing, loves going out be it to the park, baby groups etc and it's honestly the most enjoyable time of my life so as hard as it is just hang in there, it really does get easier. Good luck with it all :)

My bestie and I had babies within 3 weeks of each other and she could have written your post.
It was an undiagnosed digestive/reflux issue which amazingly stopped when she started solids. We were advised (15yrs ago) to start solids at 4 months. We both did. Her baby stopped crying and mine started sleeping.
It will get better, massive hand hold to you, and do ask your lovely supportive family to help, as well as your dh.

Same! My baby screamed and screamed til we cut out dairy and it was a life saver. If the baby is screaming / colicky all day there is a reason. My doctor told me baby was fine and colick is normal but it’s not. Try to do some of your own research and get to the root of the issue. Could be dairy / egg / soy intolerance in your diet.

its hard but I also crib trained my babies from very early on. Any time they fell asleep I’d transfer to a crib or bassinet, swaddled tightly in their blankets. It didn’t anyways work but we kept trying. In the early days she was in her bassinet in the lounge next to me or I’d wheel her around and park her by the bathroom door while I took a quick shower. Now she sleeps in her crib no problem.

Also, big batch meals, baby wearing and a baby rocker saved my sanity. I would get a roast chicken from the store and prep rice/pasta, chicken and veggies in containers to put in the fridge. I’d eat while baby was in the rocker beside me or in my arms. I’d also order my shopping online for delivery while baby slept on me. Your husband needs to help out more though! Mine works full time in the army and still managed to make us a bunch of meals, put the washing on and since he doesn’t clean the house, he hired a cleaner lol. Mine is 9 months now (she’s my2nd) and things are much easier! It gets better every month. Good luck!

Bum shuffling his way into his 1st work meeting 🤭 had me choking on my toothpaste 🤣🤣🤣

Forget the house and start binge watching Netflix shows while enjoying newborn cuddles. My baby was just like that. I'd throw a wash on every evening and sort it once baby was down for the night. Other than that, it was on my husband to get things done. We also got a cleaner once a week to do thorough bathroom and kitchen clean and change bedsheets.

Also, when family asked if they could help, I'd ask for batch-cooked meals like cottage pie and lasagnes.

Mine are grown, I would NEVER have put them to bed and shut the door! Babies need to know that you will respond if they need you, leaving babies to cry it out teaches them that their needs wont be met and is horribly cruel.

A newborn has been inside the mother and needs her sounds & smells & warmth, not to be shut in a separate room to cry.

You should get a baby sling! I had a baby bjorn mini loved it used it till mine was about two years old even to do things like take the bins out with him strapped to me. I would have the baby strapped to me in the sling while doing housework and he would sleep through it. Was also a good workout for me

Agree with previous posts. Partner needs to understand this baby was a joint exercise and is a joint responsibility to parent.
As for the wee one’s crying speak to your health visitor, he/she is there to support you in caring for your baby.

Oh I feel for you OP it is so so hard at the beginning! I felt like a bomb had exploded and had no idea where I was or what I was doing. It gets so, so much better - and soon. However, feels like your partner does need to work on his behaviour if he's going to support his family properly. I read something recently calling for maternity leave to be renamed which 'maternity service' which imo is so much more accurate. Both you and your partner are doing full time jobs (and yours currently pays better), except his has coffee and lunch breaks! I would tell him you're taking a day off and he can have the baby on a Saturday or Sunday as it's the best way for him to understand what you do all day - I do think sometimes it's hard for them (or anyone) to understand the reality of life with a newborn until they've done it. Obviously every relationship is different but you sound like you need and are absolutely right to expect better support than he's giving you so do think talking to him is important. FWIW my partner did night feeds even once he was back at work as we both understood we were both waking up for a full working day the next day - and mine was going to be longer! Good luck and hope the crying days calm down soon - I remember that phase very well, and am just about to have my second so shall soon be back in it...

Type in classical baby classical lullabies for babies on spotify. This will work hopefully, did for me.

have you tried a dummy?

Thanks everyone, yes he has a dummy

I would eat my hat if your baby doesn't have reflux. Both of mine did and as soon as they were put flat would scream blue murder. My second screamed for nearly 6 hours and I took him to hospital - they only took my seriously when I said he was my second baby so it wasn't new mother anxiety. Defo get him seen by the health visitor or GP otherwise both you and he are going to loose your minds. On the DP issue, put it this way, if you left him and took baby with you, nothing would change for you because you are already doing all the work. What would change is you would get a day or night or weekend off because DP would have him. I think if I were you I would book a girls weekend and leave him to it with baby - it's not beyond the wit of man to look after a child, so he can do it even if he grumbles. Best case scenario he realises he has been a tit, and starts to help out and your life becomes easier. Worst case scenario he realises this life is not for him and he leaves but as I said before, your life doesn't get any harder if that happens cos you are already doing all the work! Good luck 🤞

@dementedmummythank you for your comment 😊 reflux has crossed my mind, but he is rarely sick (unless I lay him flat straight after feeding) and he does sleep completely flat on his back at night with no problems, he just won’t be put down in the day. I have wondered about reflux though, what symptoms did your little one have?

and I agree with you regarding the comment about my partner, he has gotten better over the past few days as I’ve told him he needs to help more etc and about how I’m feeling. He was very apologetic and said that he now realises that he should be helping more and that he hasn’t done enough, hopefully it continues but we will see..

My son was like this for the first 10 weeks. If I put him down he would cry. Apparently it’s normal for the first 12 weeks (the fourth trimester) as they don’t realise they are separate from you. I quickly bought a sling and it was a game changer as I could get things done while he slept in it. When I spoke to my NCT group, it turned out most the babies were doing the same but no-one had told us about it beforehand.

I remember while going through it wondering how long it would go on for as I couldn’t get much done but it genuinely is a distant memory now (he’s 18 months old).

My suggestion is to get a sling carrier/baby carrier that you can use indoors. I picked mine up secondhand on Facebook. You may be coming to the end of this period as like I say mine was for the first 10 weeks and you’re already at week 8.

Wishing you all the best!

Oh and my son didn’t have reflux. None of my immediate friends from NCT had babies with reflux. It was just a “normal” but unexpected part of the fourth trimester for all of us.

This is exactly what having a baby means.

Put the baby down and let it cry. It doesn't hurt them and it will allow you to walk away for five minutes. I regularly used to let mine cry if something needed doing, newborns cry for literally anything and if you give in every time it cries you'll get nothing done, and your partner who is currently financially bearing the brunt of it, as well as being called all sorts of stupid names in this forum, will also end up as exhausted as you. I couldn't imagine letting anyone call my partner a waste of space when he's the one going to work.

Oh gosh I'm sorry, that sounds really hard. Have you tried the 5 D's for soothing babies? (the "happiest baby method"). You can Google it. I discovered it for my second baby and it really helped....just wish I'd have known about it for my first. Good luck xxx

I personally found it so stressful hearing my baby cry....it's not that I never left them for a moment for my own sanity, I did, but apparently it does harm them for extended periods. It increases their stress hormone, which makes sense. Imagine if you were crying and upset and everyone ignored you?

I mean the 5 S's!! (Not 5 D's)
Bloody autocorrect

This