4yo being silly - CPS called on us by school

[Junkemail]

Our life feels like it's been turned upside over a silly comment my reception aged child said to their teacher that her and my DH have been eating crayons out each others bottoms.

We've ended up with social services knocking on our doors and my DH is being investigated. It is absolute nonsense, she's 4 and says stupid things like this all the time about a variety of people. My DH is being investigated as sexually abusing her now. That's one issue and I'm hoping he's found innocent in their eyes as he's been kicked out the house by then.

But how do I handle comments like this moving forward so it doesn't happen again. She tells lies and imaginary stories that I know aren't true and this time it's ended up with us being in real trouble.

I'm not lying. If you've asked a moderator to remove one of my posts, it certainly didn't say what you claim it did. As you say, I'll refer it to the moderators.

It did say that. ncnecessity posted in my defence, saying I quote 'I'm more interested in what the 18yo has to say'. You replied to her mentioning CPS and minimising abuse, presumably not realising the rude comment she was referring to.
NonsuchCastle also criticised your comment, saying 'Oh do be quiet.'
I'm really sorry if your device has been hacked, I haven't seen that happening before, but I'm sure it could.

Hacked by someone who posts a very very similar view to yourself @Typeonesickofchocolate albeit words it in a offensive manner

what’s the chances?!

I'm sure you're trying to be helpful. But no one's going to give you that information. Genuinely, a post from this account has appeared on another thread I've definitely not commented on. If - as I suspect - my abusive ex partner has compromised my account, that's more concerning to me than point scoring on your part. There's an indefinite restraining order in place in respect of him and I'm quite frightened actually!

Quite high, actually. He's done it before.

so delete your account 🤷

This is just going to rattle on and on. It doesn't feel right for me to be doing this kind of thing. That's just my opinion. There are many ways to have fun and show love that don't involve this.

I need to finish something now, but I just wanted to post that I'm very sorry to hear you have an abusive ex hacking, Typeone. My family have had similar problems, I know how scary it is. Is there a way of tackling the spyware?

That's just my opinion

Yup

one of the basics about abuse is that the body responds as it's programmed to respond. this is why giggling, pleasure, etc are not the same as consent and are not signs of consent by themselves. this is why older victims/survivors can feel confused about whether they 'wanted it'. I'm not saying blowing raspberries on bottoms is abusive...but children can't set appropriate boundaries and their asking for something doesn't mean it's OK. the adults need to help the children figure out boundaries. some of the behaviours on this thread might be cute at home but will make children vulnerable.

My 6-year-old sometimes wants to kiss me on the lips. I’ve told her that I’d rather she kissed me on the cheek, but she’s persistent.

I agree with not making children ‘give relatives a kiss’. I was encouraged to do this as a child and whilst I don’t think it was inappropriate, I didn’t like it and it did nothing to teach me about personal boundaries.

What and it had to be their bottom, their tummy wouldn’t do?

I agree with you. And things like patting a child’s bottom as they fall to sleep is very different to let’s have a game where you and daddy bite each others bottoms.

it was bum, tum and… nose!

oh and big toe

i recall my parents doing very similar with me

i remember we used to throw our knickers at my dad’s face and he would pretend to faint from the smell

actually i remember my sister used to try to shove her bare bum in his face when we got out of the bath because she wanted him to faint!

they’re really special memories to me actually
my lovely dad gone now

oh another memory
i used to pinch my dad’s bum as hard as i could and no matter how hard he would say “oh i think a little fly has landed on me, i can barely feel it though”.

I would put all my effort in to the pinch and be never once flinched or let on that he thought it was anything other than a fly!

So outing if my sisters read this 😆

It sounds excellent to me.

Oh FFS go and be an aristocrat in the 1700s and have nanny look after your kids then you won't have to have any interaction with them at all.

No, because obviously the poster wants her kid to feel uncomfortable and abused.

I don't think you've understood my post, either scientifically or as the testimony of a survivor. Read it again. It's about consent, control, and natural responses. Or maybe you can't come to terms with your own experiences, or actions.

The point is that the kid might feel comfortable but not understand boundaries around body parts and other adults.

Thanks for mansplaining.

Nonsuch, that's an unpleasant response to someone talking a lot of sense. My mum never blew raspberries or kissed me on the lips or played but biting games. She just gave me hugs & cheek kisses. & I don't feel deprived at all. I don't get why people are jumping between 'No affection should be shown,' to ' Everything's fine.' There can be a middle ground of things that don't have bad connotations if done by others.
Obvs anything can give a bad connotations to an abuser, but I do think these are more risky as bums are generally private areas & lip kissing foremost an adult relationship thing. Obvs they can be fine for good parents, but they are more likely to be misused by bad parents/ unrelated adults. I do feel it's a bit blind for parents to say, 'Oh we can't play bum biting etc anymore. What can we do?' There's plenty of games you can play- be imaginative! A few games off the roster is better than games making csa harder to spot.
It's like when people here complain about children not being able to play out 50s style anymore. Yes, it's sad they often can't play on the street, but many children were probs hurt or worse in those days bc if that freedom. Children are safer now, it would be great for little kids to be able to roam free, but being safe is more important- they can still play w parents around.
Also were these bum games really more common 'back in the day'? I would've thought in the 30s-50s bum jokes between parents & children wouldn't very been encouraged.
As a kid I used to chat to my mum when she was in the shower & one time I decided to call her Big Bottom & me Little Bottom. But there was no bum biting thing- that would've felt weird though I agree it would be totally OK in some families, it just would've felt weird to me.
BTW OP are you copying Diana Rigg? I think she said she played a bum biting game w her daughter.