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Original poster

4yo being silly - CPS called on us by school

528 replies

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 13:22

Our life feels like it's been turned upside over a silly comment my reception aged child said to their teacher that her and my DH have been eating crayons out each others bottoms.

We've ended up with social services knocking on our doors and my DH is being investigated. It is absolute nonsense, she's 4 and says stupid things like this all the time about a variety of people. My DH is being investigated as sexually abusing her now. That's one issue and I'm hoping he's found innocent in their eyes as he's been kicked out the house by then.

But how do I handle comments like this moving forward so it doesn't happen again. She tells lies and imaginary stories that I know aren't true and this time it's ended up with us being in real trouble.

OP posts:
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harrumphh · 27/09/2024 15:12

H34th · 27/09/2024 14:51

@MaggieBsBoat reading your comment makes me sad and change my opinion on this.
But still think, something quicker and more efficient needs to be put in place than for SS opening a case based on one sentence.

I can't believe you actually believe that post was truthful. Even Haitians eating cats is more believable than that.

Astrabees · 27/09/2024 15:18

Well,OP. I could not be as magnanimous as it is suggested you should be by many posters. I’m afraid whoever took this action at the school would get a measured and articulate piece of my mind and a complaint to the governors and maybe the appropriate councillor on your Local Authority, and the same for the social worker. Your poor child having to endure an intimate medical examination. You also might want solicitors letters sent.
I say all this on the basis your DH is exonerated as will clearly be the case.
Social Workers and schools should exercise their draconian powers in a measured and proportionate way, not act as dictators.

Sugarsugarahhoneyhoney · 27/09/2024 15:47

It is a very strange thing for a child to say do you not think? I know kids that age come out with silly stuff all the time but.........

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4 year olds Behaviour & development Families Primary education
JohnofWessex · 27/09/2024 15:54

My suggestion might be to get a specialist solicitor and talk to them.

Possibly followed by a stiff letter to SS

Original poster
Junkemail · 27/09/2024 15:55

Thanks for the responses. She's back home and we've had approval for my husband to return home now.
We're having a support plan put together and the social worker is coming soon to sort.

So I've asked her in private about the game and she said she doesn't remember much just daddy played in the garden about month or so ago. I asked her to show me and she has done a like nomnomnom noise, a bit like when you nibble a little babies feet. We all do this with her all the time, blowing raspberries on her belly, pretending we're going to nibble her bum if she's doesn't get upstairs quicker than we can if shes not listening when we say it's bath time (it works!) So I think she's taken it from that. None sexual in the slightest but it's opened our eyes a bit as she's clearly taken a bit too far.

I'm not sure if I should mention that now but I might do.

OP posts:
diddl · 27/09/2024 15:59

as she's clearly taken a bit too far.

She's a child!

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/09/2024 16:02

Blowing raspberries on your dd’s belly is fine. Pretending to nibble her bum isn’t something I would want to normalise tbh. Hopefully this will all blow over now.

Doseofreality · 27/09/2024 16:04

Sugarsugarahhoneyhoney · 27/09/2024 15:47

It is a very strange thing for a child to say do you not think? I know kids that age come out with silly stuff all the time but.........

I totally agree, it is an odd thing for a child to say and completely different from all the normal poo, wee and bum stuff you often hear from that age group being silly about.

diddl · 27/09/2024 16:05

Well you know it's not sexual but how does anyone else?

Who knows how she might explain having to run upstairs quickly before her bum is nibbled?

juliaxxl80 · 27/09/2024 16:07

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 15:55

Thanks for the responses. She's back home and we've had approval for my husband to return home now.
We're having a support plan put together and the social worker is coming soon to sort.

So I've asked her in private about the game and she said she doesn't remember much just daddy played in the garden about month or so ago. I asked her to show me and she has done a like nomnomnom noise, a bit like when you nibble a little babies feet. We all do this with her all the time, blowing raspberries on her belly, pretending we're going to nibble her bum if she's doesn't get upstairs quicker than we can if shes not listening when we say it's bath time (it works!) So I think she's taken it from that. None sexual in the slightest but it's opened our eyes a bit as she's clearly taken a bit too far.

I'm not sure if I should mention that now but I might do.

Great news!

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 27/09/2024 16:08

harrumphh · 27/09/2024 14:35

What a waste of taxpayer money. For one single comment that's obviously childish nonsense, really? I could understand it if there was other concerns too, but for this one comment it seems ridiculous.

Show quote history

What price is a child's safety worth?

Lets hope this is nonsense. Then worst case scenario is that after a few days of stress everyone is reassured that all is well.

But it might not be in which case its worth every penny.

Ozanj · 27/09/2024 16:12

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 15:55

Thanks for the responses. She's back home and we've had approval for my husband to return home now.
We're having a support plan put together and the social worker is coming soon to sort.

So I've asked her in private about the game and she said she doesn't remember much just daddy played in the garden about month or so ago. I asked her to show me and she has done a like nomnomnom noise, a bit like when you nibble a little babies feet. We all do this with her all the time, blowing raspberries on her belly, pretending we're going to nibble her bum if she's doesn't get upstairs quicker than we can if shes not listening when we say it's bath time (it works!) So I think she's taken it from that. None sexual in the slightest but it's opened our eyes a bit as she's clearly taken a bit too far.

I'm not sure if I should mention that now but I might do.

Talking about nibbling a child’s bum is fucking weird. Stop saying that. No wonder school / ss got involved!

MissyB1 · 27/09/2024 16:17

I know it’s innocent when parents make jokes about things like “I’m going to nibble your bum”, but I’ve never said that kind of thing because I instinctively feel it’s inappropriate. We’ve never done “jokes” about our kids bodies or silly poo /wee jokes. Partly because Dh and I don’t have that kind of sense of humour maybe, but also because kids can so easily get the wrong end of the stick, or take the joke too far. I do think you have to think before you speak where kids are concerned.

memyselfi · 27/09/2024 16:21

Junkemail · 27/09/2024 15:55

Thanks for the responses. She's back home and we've had approval for my husband to return home now.
We're having a support plan put together and the social worker is coming soon to sort.

So I've asked her in private about the game and she said she doesn't remember much just daddy played in the garden about month or so ago. I asked her to show me and she has done a like nomnomnom noise, a bit like when you nibble a little babies feet. We all do this with her all the time, blowing raspberries on her belly, pretending we're going to nibble her bum if she's doesn't get upstairs quicker than we can if shes not listening when we say it's bath time (it works!) So I think she's taken it from that. None sexual in the slightest but it's opened our eyes a bit as she's clearly taken a bit too far.

I'm not sure if I should mention that now but I might do.

Jesus !
Stop saying stupid shit like that for a start !
Honestly I'm not surprised authorities were alarmed .

HollyKnight · 27/09/2024 16:21

Don't blame your daughter for this. It is you two who made a game out of pretending to nibble her bum. She's just repeating what she has learned from her parents. Be more mindful about what you say to young children who don't have the comprehension or language skills of adults.

Floralnomad · 27/09/2024 16:27

I don’t think there is any comparison between a small child saying ‘they gave me a poo sandwich ‘ and a child saying ‘my dad eats crayons out of my bum’ . It’s a very odd thing for a small child to say with sexual tones and absolutely should be investigated .

Thepurplecar · 27/09/2024 16:30

ohfook · 27/09/2024 14:42

It's a horrendous thing to go through but ultimately a good thing. Social services will have to investigate hundreds of cases that ultimately turn out be nothing if they're going to prevent the next little Arthur or Star or Victoria.

In my experience abused children never come out and just say they're abused. Catching them is like putting together a jigsaw made of tiny pieces each one seeming completely insignificant on its own. In many cases one of the jigsaw pieces is completely innocuous things they've said but sometimes it will belie a truth. What will likely happen next is someone who is trained to deal with this will question your daughter to see what the craic is. Hopefully very quickly it will all have turned out to be a storm in a tea cup.

It's only a good thing if a) abuse is found and the child is saved from further harm, or b) no wrongdoing is found and the family go back to life as it was. That's the rather naive view most of us have because we don't want to think of the lasting trauma inflicted on a family. Of course they shouldn't blame the child, but they won't ever forget this and their family will be forever changed - the relationship between the parents and between each parent and the child. It will be a scar on their family and that damages everyone, including the child. Can't children have the right to say stupid, childish things without this?

I had a neighbour report me for shouting at my child once (I have 3 with disabilities, one was a newborn, the other a liability and yes, that day he'd been yelled at). It was 15 years ago and I've never got over it. Better safe than sorry everyone said, no harm done. It drove me to some dark times. I don't have the answer, of course abuse must be identified and stopped but let's not pretend that's 'its a good thing' when in fact it inflicts great harm on a family, especially the child who will struggle to understand what's happened and their own role in it. OP, I would recommend some support afterwards, even just a session or two to help put things back into an order you can all live with.

RosesAndHellebores · 27/09/2024 16:32

I was wondering how in earth a child could imagine eating a crayon from anybody's bum. Now the OP has provided the answer. Idiotic and inappropriate language in used at home.

Parents threatening to be nibble an infant's bottom. It beggars belief.

I am glad things are sorting themselves out @Junkemail but honestly!

Freshersfluforyou · 27/09/2024 16:33

Floralnomad · 27/09/2024 16:27

I don’t think there is any comparison between a small child saying ‘they gave me a poo sandwich ‘ and a child saying ‘my dad eats crayons out of my bum’ . It’s a very odd thing for a small child to say with sexual tones and absolutely should be investigated .

Id agree with this, its really not a normal thing for a child to say, and I too would have concerns - ultimately the child is saying her dads mouth has been somewhere near her nether regions and that is NOT a normal thing for a child to say.
Id also be concerned OP that you weren't there during this 'game' so actually don't know nothing untoward has occurred. Its a common tactic of those abusing young children to tell them its a 'game'. Not saying your partner has done anything but i can absolutely see why a comment like this made by a young child has triggered an investigation.

Snugglemonkey · 27/09/2024 16:34

harrumphh · 27/09/2024 14:35

What a waste of taxpayer money. For one single comment that's obviously childish nonsense, really? I could understand it if there was other concerns too, but for this one comment it seems ridiculous.

Show quote history

What if it saves a child? How much is that worth?

samarrange · 27/09/2024 16:36

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 27/09/2024 16:08

What price is a child's safety worth?

Lets hope this is nonsense. Then worst case scenario is that after a few days of stress everyone is reassured that all is well.

But it might not be in which case its worth every penny.

Show quote history

The worst case scenario is that news of this leaks out, through the school or because DD mentions to a friend that a bunch of people came round and asked about crayons up bums, and then a mob comes round to the house and beats Dad to a pulp for being a paedo. After all, for a lot of people there's no smoke without fire.

Snugglemonkey · 27/09/2024 16:37

Astrabees · 27/09/2024 15:18

Well,OP. I could not be as magnanimous as it is suggested you should be by many posters. I’m afraid whoever took this action at the school would get a measured and articulate piece of my mind and a complaint to the governors and maybe the appropriate councillor on your Local Authority, and the same for the social worker. Your poor child having to endure an intimate medical examination. You also might want solicitors letters sent.
I say all this on the basis your DH is exonerated as will clearly be the case.
Social Workers and schools should exercise their draconian powers in a measured and proportionate way, not act as dictators.

So you do not want people to flag up things that might be an indicator of abuse? Who does that help apart from abusers?

Tahlbias · 27/09/2024 16:38

Surely social services would have spoken to your daughter before all of that!

Yourethebeerthief · 27/09/2024 16:40

RosesAndHellebores · 27/09/2024 16:32

I was wondering how in earth a child could imagine eating a crayon from anybody's bum. Now the OP has provided the answer. Idiotic and inappropriate language in used at home.

Parents threatening to be nibble an infant's bottom. It beggars belief.

I am glad things are sorting themselves out @Junkemail but honestly!

I must have a lot of trouble ahead of me because we use similar silly language with our 3 year old and he laughs his head off.

And all this nonsense about "how could a child possibly come up with something like that?" Bull. Shit. Have you read have the dross that's published for kids these days? The dinosaur that shat a universe and all this kind of drivel. It used to be Enid Blyton and Beatrix Potter. Now it's all bums, poos, and underpants.

If you don't think a child would say such nonsense created from their own bonkers brains, then you've forgotten what it's like to be a child. My 3 year old recently said to me, and I quote "my penis is a sausage! Don't eat it mummy!"

Secradonugh · 27/09/2024 16:40

HollyKnight · 27/09/2024 16:21

Don't blame your daughter for this. It is you two who made a game out of pretending to nibble her bum. She's just repeating what she has learned from her parents. Be more mindful about what you say to young children who don't have the comprehension or language skills of adults.

Friend of mines daughter told school when asked what did she so at the weekend. ' I jumped up and down on daddy's willy.' Within an hour he was arrested at work then spent 3 months not allowed near his children.his kids spent a few months having visits from police and then social . All because his daughter was jumping on his bed as kids do and by mistake jumped on his meat and 2 veg, so in agony he said 'you just jumped on my willy that really hurt don't do it again.'