If you have more than one child, how do you manage to…

[brownbutterfrangipanetart]

if you have more than one child - both young eg toddler and newborn, do you manage to make time for the following and if so, how?

-keep up an exercise regime (not just walking, 3x 30 min home workouts for example)

-hobbies/self care like baths, reading etc

Right now I have a 4 month baby and am managing the above when my husband looks after baby and vice versa. Just wondering how it works with 2 little ones!

I have two and I have no energy for exercise, I prefer/need my sofa at nights when they are asleep. Going up and down the stair every day isn't enough?

If , and only if, you have a very patient and engaged with the kids husband and you also have good sleepers, then you may be able to fit hobbies when they are asleep.

I can't remember the last time I had a bath!

They don't!

It's very age dependent too. It might be difficult to do what you are doing with a 1 year old.

I also suspect that's what is going on too. Doesn't seem natural to be able to stay up late at weekends entertaining when you have young children. Even if they get shipped off to grandparents at weekend you still need to drive to collect them etc

We have chidren aged 1 and 4, and opportunities for exercise are few and far between. If you by some miracle get a good sleeper of a baby, or have family who are very involved nearby, then yes, it is absolutely possible. That wasn't our luck though, and now the little one is 1 and going through the night, we've finally got enough energy to start trying to get back at exercise. Weekends we largely split them up as they are so different with what they want to do/see/explore, the older one doesn't nap, the younger one does. Add daycare germs to the mix and it is still tricky to manage. It does get better though. In the meantime, I try to do all the daycare drop offs and pick ups by walking to at least get steps in, so I don't feel guilty about not being on a treadmill.

You do get used to it, but it's definitely the biggest transition.

Mental health can suffer especially when you add in sleep deprivation - I would recommend a counsellor to all new mums! It has absolutely saved me.

Physical health can obviously suffer because you start depleted from pregnancy, then it continues if you breastfeed, so it's really important to eat a highly nutritious diet and supplement carefully - but that's really hard to do with two little ones!

I prioritise sleep and nutrition over everything because I know that's what's will keep us going.

You honestly get plenty of exercise with toddlers, not the same as the gym, but constantly active. So as long as you eat well, the gym can go on the back burner.

By supporting your partner so they have time for themselves and in return they support you so you have time for yourself we’re only now getting time together though as we can leave kids with a babysitter. That was the challenge when they were babies/toddlers time together, time alone was fine and easy to do as they other parent held down the fort and it’s the same when you have two, they mind two when you take time alone.

I think it's really quite hard to compare unless others are in the exact same work / childcare availability situation as you and your husband. Many posters describing how they fit it all in clearly don't work full time, or have a lot of help, or have easy kids that sleep a lot and are fine to be left in creches etc. Both working full time with little help from nannies / grandparents makes any kind of 'me time' with kids really hard, for the first few years at least.

I didn’t. Not until the youngest was about 3 and the older ones at school. THEN I could start to do things like go for a run occasionally, have a nice bath etc.

Put baby in a sling and exercise. I did baby classes like this but also ‘normal’ exercise so long as it’s safe. I also bathed with my babies and still do with them as older kids. Your Husband can watch two kids and you’ll get free nursery/childminder soon so will get several hours while oldest is at childcare to do things with baby/for yourself.

I had a newborn, 20 month old and a 3 yr old as well as a 7 yr old and 10 yr old.

Didn't have time for anything apart from getting food on the table. Got food delivered from Asda.

DH took care of the two older ones, homework, school run etc for a while.

Reality for most is that you become a ft mum on top of ft work and 'me time' is 15 min in bath with door shut

It works exactly the same with 1 child as it does with 2 or 3 - the other parent looks after them.

If your husband isn't a shit and looks after the baby, then he can look after two children too.

I have a 3year old and a 4 month old.
Both my husband and I like to exercise and we always have so it’s just habit/lifestyle. We don’t have the most amazing social lives right now so we prioritise exercise and I’ve found for me it is really good for my mental health and gives me more energy. If you’re committed enough then you can find time but you do have to plan and make it a priority.
Our gym has just gone to 24 hours so my husband went at 5am because the baby had us awake from around 4. (He leaves gym clothes out ready in case this happens)
Then the toddler was having a sleepover at Nanny’s so I went for a run (spent the day in gym gear ready so I could go as soon as DH finished work …then I met DH and baby at the shops to do the food shop.
I also have an exercise app on my phone so when toddler is in nursery I just let the baby watch me exercise and stick a disco light on.
I also attend an exercise class where you can take babies too.

There’s also a good podcast called Active Mom Podcast and she talks about this with some of her friends. Is an eye opener on fitting things in

I have a two year old and a 6 month old. I go for a run once a week while DH has them. I walk every day, with or without toddler who is in childcare two days a week.

I don't have time for hobbies at all
HTH

At this point an uninterrupted poo would be nice 😂😂😂

What workout, what hobbies?!!! I have a high maintenance child that needs a lot of my input. No time for working out, no time for hobbies, no time for anything and barely get any sleep. Not seeing it happening anytime soon.

Really hard if you are a single parent but if you have a partner then you can give each other time.

You sort of get used to it. My son is in our bed still so I go up with him in the evening (at about 7.30/8pm) and am up there till morning. The being so attached came as a shock at first, but the dependency gets incrementally less as they grow and you grow more used to their needs and yours take a back seat more.

He's 2 now, and on the 4 occasions his dad has put him to bed this year, I've really struggled to know what to do with myself. It's like becoming institutionalised. I find doing chores I would have found dull quite joyful, because you have the time to do them and they aren't getting undone as you go. It counts as me time now.

Because I hardly ever have pre-arranged free time, it's also a bit hard to know what to do when I suddenly get some. When I'm frustrated I think of all the things I used to do whenever I wanted and can't now, read a book, have a bath, watch a box set or film, go to the gym, do a yoga class, see friends etc, but in the moment I struggle to think what to do and just end up doom scrolling, which then frustrates me because I've wasted a rare opportunity.

Also, when I do something without my son, I miss him terribly. Parenthood (I'm tempted to say specifically motherhood, although I'm sure there are some modern stay at home dads doing it all) is the most difficult thing I've ever done. But as is so often the case in life, the most difficult things are also the most rewarding. For all my whining, I love my son more than I ever knew was possible, and he brings me joy (and stickiness and mess) every day.

Thanks @hopingforthemillion ill check out the podcast.

your message really resonates @OShoey (although I’m only 4/5 months in!)

I have a 3.5 year old and a 7 month old.

I did go through a little period where I exercised straight after dinner (they are slow eaters and the bike is in the dining room) or when OH was bathing them. Ran out of steam with that one lol will aim to pick it back up when I can be bothered.

Our youngest has had a bed time routine since he was a few months old, still in our room but put to bed at 8 with camera. Gives us an hour after cleaning the dinner devastation to relax - appreciate that not all babies will let you do this, our first co slept and woke up multiple times a night until a few months ago!

My fiancé is brilliant, he will have them whenever i want to do something. Not so easy when we want time for just us but that’s a lack of family support issue 🤣

Hobbies?? Remind me?! I have 6 yr old and not much time to self, I’m at work when he’s at school then concentrating on him plus I look after my mum so not much time for anything else lol

I have 3 kids and the age gap is 3 years between each kid. I expressed an interest in exercise 6 months pp and partner would encourage me to go. I mean he did it properly and say he’ll do dinner/bath/bed while I went, not save everything for me when I got back, like some partners. Nowadays he goes for the gym 2 times a week after work and I pull it all off while he is away 6am-7:30PM. It’s such a team effort for both parents to have free time.

I have three kids. I don't manage any of that. I am only alone at bedtime and by then I'm exhausted and have to catch up on whatever I haven't managed during the day. OH works long hours so isn't here consistently for me to manage a gym class. I do get a couple of short walks with the dog a day though but I wouldn't count that as fun!

And you still prefer having kids to having freedom and being able take care of yourself? I'm genuinely asking as I'm curious, not having a go.