If you have more than one child, how do you manage to…

[brownbutterfrangipanetart]

if you have more than one child - both young eg toddler and newborn, do you manage to make time for the following and if so, how?

-keep up an exercise regime (not just walking, 3x 30 min home workouts for example)

-hobbies/self care like baths, reading etc

Right now I have a 4 month baby and am managing the above when my husband looks after baby and vice versa. Just wondering how it works with 2 little ones!

@LuckySantangelo35 because my ex husband (note ex) was down our drinking and I had no time to myself. I started running when my youngest started school and I had some time to myself. I only worked part time then

I don't think I did, but pushing buggies up. hills, carrying toddlers, getting reluctant small people dressed and breastfeeding meant that I felt fitter than I had in the decade before and was slim.

I found two small children a workout in itself.

Lol no

My kids are awful AWFUL sleepers so I just about manage to firefight through the chores and keep everyone alive before finally battling through the bed time routine where many a time I fall asleep myself.

I guess I could fit it in the end of my day but it’s normally about an hour between all the kids being asleep and one of them waking up needing something again so this is usually when I have my tea/get my stuff for the next day organises/shower. No way am I getting up before them to work out it would be 4am and I’m knackered enough

when I am at work they are at school/nursery and when I’m not at work I’ve got the littlest ones.

@Isthisit2 no regular family support my family are 2 hours away and in-laws an hour. My eldest is a good sleeper and the baby wakes once in the night, we have managed to sleep train both quite easily which I know we are very lucky in that respect.

it is possible to have the balance, I was worried before we had a second but so far so good.

My dcs are much older now.
I can recognise myself in a lot of the description from PP. it can be like you never have any time for self care.

However, looking back, I would NEVER have allowed that to happen.

How can you do it?
Well you have a bath or exercise whilst your DH looks after baby now. If you have a baby and a toddler, you do the same whilst your DH is looking after the toddler and the baby. Just like yu do when on ML at home with the two of them.

This is imo even more essential if your DH carries on having his own down time.

I’d also say that there is a point after th w birth when you’ve recovered from the pg and birth.
All the tiredness and exhaustion (which yes will stop you from even thinking about exercising etc…) is then down to having a newborn.
And that extra work should be shared. As in really properly shared. The getting up during the night, the housework etc…
Because too often, fathers don’t get up during the night - they go to work don’t you know?
They don’t expect to do any housework - because you’re at home on ML so really that’s all your responsibility.
Having someone who shares the whole of the practical load as well as the mental load makes a huge difference.

ok for the first year its hard because their routine differs so much, but if DH has your child whilst you go out and you have his kid whilst he goes out, having two is just the same. He has them both, you have them both. Yes there;s a bit more work to do, but if you're both doing it for each other, rather than just one of you being the one always stuck at home, its fine

Oh trust me when you have 3 under 4 you get plenty of exercise 🤦‍♀️🤣

Guessing you don't have 3 very close in age.

I don’t manage these things very well, I have 16 month twins. I’ll have a bath when their dad is home (can’t put DH because we aren’t married or very happy right now!) and I try and go on long walks to get a bit of exercise. He’s away for a week though at the mo so it’s 1 minute showers for me!

Get a nanny/au pair?

I have a 5mo and a 22mo and I am not exercising other than walking and running around after the toddler.

Hobbies are certainly off the cards until the youngest one is in preschool (age 2).

I read in bed and when I'm breastfeeding if my husband is around to wrangle toddler.

My priorities are keeping everyone fed with healthy food, making sure the toddler is getting enough stimulation since he has a few more months until preschool, and keeping the spark alive with my husband.

There's no time for anything else!

I have a DH. Exercise has always been made a priority so it’s always just been part of the routine for us. I’d hand over the kids and go out for at least 30 minutes every day.

Baths and reading… not so much - mine are 3 and 5 now and those things totally would be doable, I just don’t prioritise them (I’m studying a masters so reading for pleasure just isn’t on my to do list).

Sorry missed out self-care, I make sure I have a shower every day when the kids have gone to bed and get my nails done every few weeks. Would have a bath if I had one!

We still have our evenings! Both kids asleep by 7 is non-negotiable.

It may be easier if a larger age gap too?

i have a 2 and 4 year old and it’s hard but is getting easier now. I get up with both kids and do breakfast and dress them etc early morning, let husband sleep longer. Then he gives me an hour before he starts work where I either do exercise or play my guitar or take my time getting ready and washing hair. He used to give me an hour after he finished work but I found I was too tired to exercise then and would generally just lay horizontal and rest / do nothing by then!

Ive got 3 year old twins and a 14 month old and I just workout while they are asleep in the afternoon and do housework around them while they are up.

Me and DH always say it's more important that my mental health and knowing I'm doing something I enjoy each day is more important as it makes looking after the kids all day and doing housework more enjoyable when I know I get a bit of time to myself to work on me too. I used to do house work when they were aslek and a workout if I have time but now I do it the other way round cuz you need to make sure you are looked after too to be able to boss being a mum xx

The hosue is always clean and tidy before we go to bed even if it's not spring clean clean but you find a routine that works for you and once both kids sleep at the same time it makes it a lot easier .

Hi,

aha! Good question, still trying to figure out these and I had my third 5 months ago.

my exercise is breastfeeding :) burns down ALL my calories!!

my hobbies kind went out the window over the years (I know :( ) but then I found new ones that are more flexible and working with my atm life. Things change 🤷🏼‍♀️ for now I am following financial market and I am doing up/decorating our house. I have a 6y, 4y and 5months babes.

Self care everyday ❤️

Be gentle with yourself.

good luck!

Haven’t RTFT yet so it’s probably already been said but:

I have two sons. One is aged 5y1m and the other is about to turn 10m so it’s not an insane age gap. I wouldn’t have wanted a much closer age gap as it is SO much easier to get things done this way. The older one understands so much more and can accept a reasonable explanation for things.

Exercise: Don’t dismiss walking. I walked absolutely miles during my maternity leave with the second one. That along with calorie counting lost me 14kg in 6 months 🤷‍♀️ now that I am back at work, I cycle the 6km there and the same again back. I also go to yoga on a Friday morning and also do an extra 40 minutes of cardio in the gym while I am there, but I am lucky that my schedule allows me to do that. When I only had one child it was (in a way) easier to exercise then as I would leave my baby with my husband every Saturday and every Sunday morning and go to the gym then. My schedule also allowed me to go swimming after work in those days (not possible now). We also tag team with the kids at weekends so that one of us always has one kid with us - so no sneaking off to the gym now either.

Wellbeing/self-care: Having a bath is a rare event now, I admit. Again, it was easier when I only had one child as my husband would take the baby out in the morning or afternoon and I could have a bath then. With two kids it’s more difficult to coordinate that time alone. In terms of reading, I’m an English Literature teacher so literally get paid to do it as part of my working day. It’s great!! Outside of that I just make sure I always have a book on me, so if I am waiting for a friend/an appointment/the bus I can always snatch a few minutes. I also always read the newspaper at the weekends (on my laptop after the kids are in bed) and a little bit of a novel in bed before I go to sleep. I make sure I am up early in the mornings (before the kids) on days when I want to wash my hair and do my makeup. I prioritise all of these things personally and TBF as a chronic insomniac even before having kids I was probably used to running on fairly little sleep to begin with, so getting up a bit earlier or staying up a bit later doesn’t make a huge difference to me.

Like @HoHoHolyCrap, we also had four under the age of 6. Both of us were working full time, and struggling to fit in our hours around life/ clubs/ cooking/ endless washing, so we just acknowledged that there wasn’t time for any of those things until they were all at secondary school.

Our time has now come.

6/6.30pm bedtimes, solid nap routine, involved dp if possible (though I managed single with a three year old and a new baby and very little support network). My house was absolutely spotless and I had long baths twice a week plus then I added full time study in to the mix after a while as I had so much time in the evenings before I wanted to go to bed.
Current baby with dp I implemented an at least once a week bath from a few days post partum (I ebf so we just timed it right to start with) with either Netflix or a book for an hour or more unless ds was completely inconsolable. I also started going out in the evenings after about 8 weeks and could express. I chose to see friends or take the older kids out, but I could have exercised if I felt like it.

I have one and manage none of the above. A husband who is away more than home, often at incredibly short notice and with no discernable pattern means I can't have a hobby that is on a particular day/time. And a child who won't nap unless it's in the car and still wakes approximately a thousand times a night really eats into time too. I tried gym with creche but he screamed relentlessly up to the 15 minute limit and I'd get called over the tannoy...an expensive yet fruitless experiment.

Now my son is 2 and a bit he's in nursery, up from 2 to 3 days since September, but that time barely goes anywhere. Because I can't rely on the husband and there are no grandparent or other family/friends options, I have to do everything I can't do with my son during those hours: dentist, doctor, haircut, opticians, zooms, meetings, work, most housework, walking the dog, picking up the dog shit from the garden, changing the cat litter etc, occasionally meeting non-baby interested friends...you get the picture.

I am incredibly envious of anyone who manages to have anything like a hobby or any me time. But thems the breaks, I guess. Enjoy them for me please. I still don't even manage a shower every day as I can't take the screaming that regularly.

I have 3 boys aged 6.5, 4 and 2. I’ve quite honestly had zero time for myself since having my eldest! I gave up exercise when I found out I was pregnant with him as I’d had a miscarriage prior to him and was so paranoid about causing another. I have never found the time to start it back up again, and after having 3 miscarriages in the last year I feel like I have ballooned and am desperate to go for a run at least! But honestly, I am run ragged. My boys are on the go constantly. By the time they’re all asleep (7/7.30), I am just too exhausted to even think about exercise. Or much else! So hobbies have been non existent too. As has much else - social life, friendships….I feel like I’m nothing but their mummy at the moment! Which I absolutely love, but also miss the other things in life too. I still breastfeed my 2 year old and only stopped breastfeeding my 4 year old a year ago, so that restricts me more as he’s still very clingy to me and reliant on me. I know that was my choice, but it is hard at times! I’m finding it especially hard at the moment, they’re all crazy 😂

Do you get used to having no time for yourself?

do you find your mental health suffers?

do you find your physical health suffers?

not being goady or anything like that, I’m just genuinely curious!

I sat a full time degree starting when my youngest was 5 months old and my oldest 5 years. Around that I also volunteered out of hours, worked part time, went to exercise classes three times a week and my husband did very little as he worked full time too. then when I graduated I worked full time instead of the degree and did all the rest … in the past few years I have concurrently worked full time, managed my eldest significant disabilities, completed a part time masters and been going through treatment for cancer. Just manage!

It gets easier as they get older. Usually when they start school!