If you have more than one child, how do you manage to…

[brownbutterfrangipanetart]

if you have more than one child - both young eg toddler and newborn, do you manage to make time for the following and if so, how?

-keep up an exercise regime (not just walking, 3x 30 min home workouts for example)

-hobbies/self care like baths, reading etc

Right now I have a 4 month baby and am managing the above when my husband looks after baby and vice versa. Just wondering how it works with 2 little ones!

You don’t 😂 I have a 3 and 1 yo and even though in theory you could do something when they go to bed, there is no time. Once they are down, we just run around to quickly tidy up and if we are not exhausted we watch a movie otherwise we just go to bed! With 1 kid life is much simpler and straight forward. I miss those days haha Bear in mind we both work full time and we split everything 50-50.

Nope, not superhuman. Have big gaps. Aged 16, 13, 8 and 6. It gets easier over time. You do appreciate any free time you do get and when they are at school it makes life more predictable. You get time to exercise, socialise etc.

I have neighbours next door who have a 11yo, 9yo, 7yo and 2yo but can stay up until 3am at weekends 😱 heard them again last night. How do people do that?

Most people with young children are utterly exhausted and need their bed!

I have 3 (currently 7 and under)

I went back to work full time when all of them were 12 weeks old-ish and it actually helped me with most of what you mention.

For exercise specifically, my office has a gym so I could work out on my lunch breaks. Otherwise I put running stuff on as soon as I get in from work and then I’m straight out the door for a run once the kids are in bed and I leave DH doing dinner.

More generally as well I just had to get over feelings of guilt. I’ve realised that having time for myself, whether that’s exercise, a nice shower, a manicure etc, makes me sooo much happier and when I get home, I’m a much better mum for it. Now I have no qualms in leaving my husband in charge on a Saturday morning whilst I take a few hours for myself. The kids are fine, the house doesn’t burn down.

please tell me their secret cause if I stay past 10 pm I consider it success 😂

No idea, I have a 4 week old and a 4 year old. Ive just about managed the school run with maximum input from DP before he leaves for work. Exercise wise ive booked onto some mum and baby class in the new year, self care wise - when baby naps although I appreciate this will get harder as baby gets older. I guess it will get easier once the baby gets in a bedtime routine but that could be months even a year.

I have a 7m old and a 3yo. My DH is away a lot and has recently been away for 3 weeks. I have no family support nearby so it's just me and my little people quite often.

Exercise - online. I do Pilates or Yoga online during baby nap time, my 3yo plays with Duplo/playdoh/playset or joins in.

Exercise - YouTube. My 3yo loves dancing so I put on some Zumba kids videos and we dance our socks off. Sometimes during baby nap, sometimes baby in bouncer chair watching, sometimes with baby in the sling.

Self care - I shower every night before I go to bed, while both babies are asleep. Take the baby monitor and I can see if I need to speed up if baby is stirring.

Reading - on my kindle whilst breastfeeding the baby. Or in bed before sleep.

Hobbies - involve my 3yo. I love sewing. Made an outfit for my 3yo and they helped choose fabric and cut the pattern out. They sat 'sewing' next to me while I used sewing machine while baby was napping. Music - I play an instrument and whilst going to my orchestra group is currently on hold, I get my instruments out at home and play nursery rhymes on request 😂 I also take my kids to classes and groups that tie in with my hobbies so we go dancing and to a music one, too.

Cooking- meal plan based around activities noted above. Some days will be speedy pasta dinner days, some will be chuck it in the slow cooker says, some days will be get the 3yo to make it with me days. All while baby is either napping, in the bouncer chair (or in highchair in the kitchen with a wooden spoon these days) or playing on the mat in sight.

Essentially - maximise use of nap times and involve the eldest to get sh*t done.

Eat dinner with them both at around 5/530, get them both to bed at the same time, quick clean up when both asleep in bed, then the evening for....hobbies or TV.

It's actually a lot easier to manage when DH is away because I know exactly what food is in the fridge and how.muxh washing is in the washing basket etc etc

I had 3 under 3 at one point, and to tell you the truth - it was madness. Especially during the first few years.

I vaguely remember managing to do some exercise once by including the children. If the video is on I would face the baby on his favourite chair and he would giggle as I tried to work out. The others tried to join in and usually just fell over. I think I lasted a week though, was easier just going out for long walks so the children were tired enough for a nap.

I ‘enjoyed’ having the children stare at me whilst having a poo, and showering with an audience. That was my life for a while.

Did not manage the above with child number 1. Child no 2 probably would have done if she had been child no 1. Entirely dependant on your child and your situation

My toddler is 3 and I’ve got a 4 week old, I exercise at home when my toddler is at nursery ( he is in 3 days a week) and the baby is sleeping in a buggy next to me. I clean and cook while carrying the baby ( or get bits done when she sleeps) and when my toddler is at home he “helps out” or plays on his own.
If I want to go to the gym I do it before my husband goes to work, that means training at 6 am or at 7pm. I could bring her too but it means I won’t get much quality training done but that’s fine at the moment as I’m not training properly yet. My hobbies are basically fitness and mum friends and I’ll bring the baby to see my mum friends. I love travelling too and I’ve just got the baby’s passport so will go away soon. When I only had one child I could not imagine having two but when you do you just get on with it. I found it MUCH easier going from 1-2 than 0-1!

Exactly!🤣

get the kids to sleep by 7pm snd you have 3-4 hours there to do whatever you want. Weekends make sure DH plays his part in looking after them if I wanted an afternoon off meeting friends or shopping. Mine were 2 years apart plus I worked from home 3 days per week for 9 hours per day (both went to nursery on those days) and my DH worked away 3 nights a week. Routine is key. Bedtime was really key. I used to bath at 6pm, bottle at 6.30 and bed by 7 for both up until both were in school and then gradually increased times very slowly. Also used to wake my babies for a bottle at 10.30 or 11pm every night (tbh I think they drank it half asleep) but meant they slept through from about 10 weeks old. Up at 7am, bottle/fed/quick wash/dressed. Settled in front of tv for 40 mins (in my bedroom) whilst I showered/dressed and out of door at 8.30am. Again I was on my own most weekdays so it was regimented. I also think I had very chilled kids. I’d love to go back to those days tbh, they were fantastic and I loved every minute.

"Buggyfit" classes are great imo. When they are toddlers they play in the centre of the circle/hang off you whilst you squat. It's a bit crazy but i did it with 2 x los. My instructor was a baby whisperer, you can also use a sling and still get a good work out

My gym has a creche you can use if child is ok being left.

Take kids to pool and do squats whilst supervising.

Also mummy and me yoga - but that's a bit tricky with 2

What exercise or sport did you do beforehand?

key is to get a bedtime routine in. For our pair they were in bed by 7pm every night, so any night one of us (husband and I) could do our sport. I did it twice a week, he did his once. Then at the weekend, first thing, I went out running.

Re hobbies, OP - I play the cello and used to do my cello practice for an hour after lunch every day when the children were napping/having quiet time in their rooms. I could have sat and stared into space or done some tidying up or whatever, but I prefer playing my cello to doing housework, so I did that. Obviously I couldn't do it if we were having a day out, but when the children were babies and toddlers, we would mostly do something in the morning and then have lunch and quiet time before pottering round in the afternoon. So I got it done about 5 days per week, which was enough for me to feel that I was doing it. I have always read in bed. I also had time after 6pm once they were in bed to have a bath/do whatever I wanted to do for myself. I had friends in orchestras/choirs in the evenings, but they had husbands who would/could hold the fort at home.

Sounds like routine is key. I’m still only managing to do contact naps in the day but could switch to audiobooks so I can get some ‘reading’ done during this time. If I can move off contact naps in future, then I could do a workout in that time.

@speedtalker before baby I used to do weights in gym 3x a week or swimming 3x a week or a mix. Now baby is here I’ve been doing 3x 30min (a week) bike workouts at home in the evening when husband looks after baby (after he finishes work), plus daily walking with sling

Exercise - you get plenty with a toddler and a baby!

Self care - take showers

Hobbies - get real!

Reading - lift the flap board books are great!

In all honesty, you don't get time for yourself when they are tiny but they grow up and before you know it you have hours of me time sat in cold car parks waiting for them

The same way. You do it when DH parents both kids simultaneously, just like you do, because he's perfectly capable.

Were you a single parent or did he work away slot? There's no excuse really otherwise

Then they are grown in a flash, and my baby is getting married herself. I have lots of me time yet I miss being a "proper" mum

I didn't to be honest. Baby + toddler days were in the absolute trenches and hobbies were the last thing on my mind. But they pass quickly, now mine are 7 and 5 and I regularly exercise and read etc, even with a full time job.

Hopefully if it’s gym and swimming you can find somewhere (maybe where you used to go) that can fit with a routine. You tend to see lots of dads in the park on a Sunday morning- perhaps bagsy then for time for your swim.

From my experience, as long as both partners get to enjoy whatever activity they do, then it feels very fair to facilitate the other one by taking full childcare on when you might want to relax.

I just walked everywhere I could when mine were both small. Easily clocked up 15-20k steps a day. Now they are 2 and 7, I walk less but I’ve managed to do Couch to 5k recently by using my lunch breaks at work. This is also when I do things like listen to music, podcasts and audiobooks.

My husband will also look after the children happily but quite frankly I work full time and don’t see them as much as I want as it is so I’ve been reluctant to nip out in the evenings regularly. (I do go out to see friends though - I just don’t have any regular evening commitments!) They’re not usually both asleep until 8:30 and I don’t tend to fancy doing much then. I’m out of the habit of baths but I could go in every night around then if I wanted to.

I want to be fitter and happier so I’m starting a running group in the new year at 6:30 pm twice a week. I’ll do a longer run at the weekend too (probably first thing in the morning) or possibly in one of my work lunch breaks. My husband will have them while I do this. (He plans to join the gym and go swimming in return, which we will manage through a mixture of early mornings, evenings and weekends.)

We have no family help so I have been making lunchtimes count as much as possible while mine are at school/childcare. I can WFH regularly and usually do 3 days at home, which are my exercise days.

@Tryingtoconceivenumber2 thank you for your insight. Currently have a 3.5 year old and expecting number 2 in the next week. Have been so worried and nervous about managing two! All you ever hear is people saying how hard it it so it’s refreshing to hear someone found it easier going from 1-2. Have a wonderful Christmas!