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Original poster

If you have more than one child, how do you manage to…

203 replies

brownbutterfrangipanetart · 15/12/2023 13:47

if you have more than one child - both young eg toddler and newborn, do you manage to make time for the following and if so, how?

-keep up an exercise regime (not just walking, 3x 30 min home workouts for example)

-hobbies/self care like baths, reading etc

Right now I have a 4 month baby and am managing the above when my husband looks after baby and vice versa. Just wondering how it works with 2 little ones!

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Original poster
brownbutterfrangipanetart · 17/12/2023 21:21

Getting a bit scared from these replies about going for number 2 now haha! But it’s good to know what is realistic to expect.

@Loulou560 I was wondering the same. There was a thread on here recently about that

OP posts:
Dynamoat · 17/12/2023 21:23

I agree, thought I'd get more me time once DC started sleeping properly but I've only just got dc2 sleeping at 4 and now my eldest is up later so our evenings are shorter and with a million clubs that all require picks ups, drop offs, special uniform requirements washed every week and ready to go etc I've got busier.

Katie517 · 17/12/2023 21:27

I have a 3 year old and 4 month old, I exercise 4 times a week, 2 gym classes at 6.30am, Thursday evening spin class and park run on a Saturday morning. If it’s important to you you will find the time. I think it’s sad that in most cases it’s the mum who has to neglect these things. Before I was on Mat leave with my second I followed the same routine and worked full time too. There are also mum and baby fitness classes if you look around so I do that sometimes too. Also manage to find time to get my nails and eyebrows done once a month at least. I was determined to make the children fit into my lifestyle not the other way around and so far it’s working.

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thelonemommabear · 17/12/2023 21:27

Single parent of two year old twins and a 7 year old - been a single parent over a year now

  • exercise - being a single parent is the best exercise! I can do 10,000 steps just round the house. Barely get a moment to sit down 😂.
  • baths - yes - but not regularly - depends on how much of a shit show bed time was and I don't like them too late in the evening
  • hobbies. Nope. If ex had still be around then yes

With a partner/husband on hand you should be able to do all of the above.

crazy4cats · 17/12/2023 21:41

I think this is the reason I may only have 1 child - at the moment me and my partner are able to keep up a lot of our previous hobbies / activities, albeit less often than before. Gym, Climbing, games etc... As much as I love my son I need these activities to keep me sane and I know with 2 it will become very difficult

VegeBurgers · 17/12/2023 21:48

I had 3 children in 3 years and I didn’t exercise at all I was really slim.
It might sound like I am showing off but it’s because I didn’t sit still for year and had to eat with one hand.

My hobbies were sleeping (that’s I wanted to do) but I never had time to do that hobby.

naughtynine · 17/12/2023 21:55

For self care/beauty routine the below helps me. A hairdresser that’s comes to the house - massive difference as saves so much time when having colour done. I live near a good high street where I get beauty treatments done. Eyebrows have them done once a month, tint & shape. Facials, approx every 2 months. Pedicures only during sandal season. Nails just do myself but keep them short, not into anything fancy. I do buy nice products as it feels like a treat so stick to a skincare routine. Teeth - good electric toothbrush. Have a long bath at least once a week & maximise that time eg body scrub, hair mask, sheet masks whilst you soak.
Obviously it’s dependent on finances but outsourcing does free up time & takes some of the monotony away. Shirts to dry cleaners, cleaner, gardener, window cleaning, tutoring, meal boxes etc.

Isthisit2 · 17/12/2023 21:56

💯@naughtynine and as pp said when they were small they were all in bed early. I had 3 under 6 at one stage but they were all tucked up by 7.30 leaving long hours to ourselves in the evening. I agree re wanting to spend time with them before they are all teenagers

MooseBreath · 17/12/2023 21:57

I have a 3.5yo and a 1yo.

I go to a weekly ballet class one evening per week. Otherwise, my DH works long hours and I don't have time to myself. As a SAHM, my "work/life balance" is non-existent.

Isthisit2 · 17/12/2023 21:58

I also think some people have way more family support than others which makes a big difference

naughtynine · 17/12/2023 22:03

@Isthisit2 yeah losing the bedtime time is hard! @Isthisit2 my eldest is 11 & I feel it’s going so fast, I want to hit pause.

LimePi · 17/12/2023 22:05

Bootoagoose123 · 15/12/2023 16:13

Either get up before them, once they've gone to bed, at weekends when DH has them for a while, or when the oldest (3) is at nursery and the youngest naps. I work on the principle of the first 30 mins of every nap being me-time, to workout or eat or whatever, and use the rest for tidying/cleaning etc. That way if she wakes earlier than expected I haven't lost my time and I can carry on cleaning around her.

ohh that’s a great rule!!!

Isthisit2 · 17/12/2023 22:05

do you have family support @Katie517 ? Do both your dcs wake multiple times a night? Mine did and I had a solid routine etc etc and nothing worked , no amount of wanting them to sleep so they’d fit into my life worked . I also had 3 kids. I’m big on fitness and actually still made time for it but I was beyond exhausted tbh and it damaged my health. My dh is v v hands on but I was regularly getting around 3/4 hours broken sleep a night for years even when he took over as I developed insomnia as a result of sleep deprivation. It’s not as easy as just making time for many parents. There’s loads of factors that might cause issues . I still go running now but I understand others can’t of sleep deprived

Original poster
brownbutterfrangipanetart · 17/12/2023 22:09

@Katie517 that’s great you’ve managed to keep a balance. My husband has also done park runs since baby arrived (I could do the same if I fancied too)

@naughtynine great idea for hairdresser to come to you, I’m trying to do the weekly self care bath too

agreed @Isthisit2 im already seeing that the level of family support varies so much across my NCT group

OP posts:
booksandbrooks · 17/12/2023 22:10

Went to a gym with a Creche

Read the odd book whilst breastfeeding.

Bath with the baby but not for too long, lest you get shat on. Luckily this never happened but you don't really soak with a baby.

I think my hobbies at that point were watching cbeebies with the toddler, doomscrolling whilst breastfeeding and obsessively reading Ocado reviews on my phone and mumsnet, so was quite easy to fit it all in.

naughtynine · 17/12/2023 22:12

I was determined to make the children fit into my lifestyle not the other way around and so far it’s working.

Surely there has to be a balance? Of course it’s not a good thing to lose yourself & have the dc dictate everything but equally I think it’s odd to not change your lifestyle in some form once dc come along.

naughtynine · 17/12/2023 22:17

I also think some people have way more family support than others which makes a big difference

Yes, I was lucky to have a fair bit of help but when they were young used it for sleeping as youngest was a shocking sleeper. Now use it for babysitting & getting stuff done. They are with grandparents for 2 days & nights this week so I’m using that time to wrap presents, panic & buy more presents, do a Christmas food shop & go out for dinner with dh, don’t think i’ll fit in anything but walking 😆

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/12/2023 22:29

TedandRebecca4eva · 15/12/2023 16:13

When they were about 4 and 6 at school I started back exercising

@TedandRebecca4eva

thats a long time! Why so long?

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/12/2023 22:31

crazy4cats · 17/12/2023 21:41

I think this is the reason I may only have 1 child - at the moment me and my partner are able to keep up a lot of our previous hobbies / activities, albeit less often than before. Gym, Climbing, games etc... As much as I love my son I need these activities to keep me sane and I know with 2 it will become very difficult

totally get that

cometdancer · 17/12/2023 22:33

Exercise? Self care?! 😅😂😂🤣

LuckySantangelo35 · 17/12/2023 22:37

beanii · 17/12/2023 14:53

I had 3 under 4 and the answer is you don't 🤦‍♀️🤣

You wait until they're older.

@beanii

i don’t think people should wait to exercise. The body needs exercise in the same way it needs food and sleep. It’s not some self indulgent treat it’s a necessity

underneaththeash · 17/12/2023 22:40

A joined a gym with a Creche.

Mswest · 17/12/2023 22:44

whosaidtha · 17/12/2023 13:53

I have 3. Youngest is 1. My husband is a functioning father and can manage to look after his 3 children 3times a week so I can go to the gym. I usually go around 6:30 and they are in bed or almost in bed when I get home. I also go to park run most Saturday mornings whilst my kids enjoy half an hour in the park. I have baths, read, self care in the evenings when they are asleep.

My kids also have a 'functioning father' and I could potentially go to the gym 3x a week but would then feel guilty about missing 3 bedtimes a week on top of working full time. And I think this is part of the issue, the feeling of being torn between being there for your kids enough, managing life and work, and having time for yourself. It's usually not just as simple as a childcare issue. It's that mums often feel too guilty or exhausted to see to their own needs. As a bit of honest advice to OP I'd say this is really common and she can think of all the practical solutions she likes but might find her own needs will not be met in the way they were before until her kid/s are a bit older.

Nichelette · 17/12/2023 22:49

7 months tomorrow and 2.5. Basically I don't. I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm longing for the extra time I'll get when I'm back at work (30 mins after nursery drop before work starts and 45 mins lunch). They won't always be so little though, and I know things will change. The toddler literally goes to bed at 9 now because we tried everything but he'd always wake at 4 if he went to bed 7-7.30ish as he can only sleep for 9 straight hours, so I don't have much evening alone time either.

theprincessthepea · 17/12/2023 23:00

Following as I’m intrigued. Although the age gap with my 2 will be 11 years which apparently is easier but she has quite a full on life with homework, routines, bedtime etc and I don’t want to be the mum that turns her into a second parent!

I have no idea how I’m going to keep up with my tween DDs active lifestyle with a newborn - let alone my own.

A friend of mine with 2 children said that with her second she timed the feeding so that it was very 3 hours and the baby eventually learned to stick with that routine and that have her lots of flexibility. This has an official name but can’t remember it.