Quotes from Narcissistic Mothers (& support for their victims) Thread 3

[01Name]

Following on from this thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4610023-to-ask-for-your-quotes-from-narcissistic-mothers?page=39&reply=120137262, started by @itsgoodtobehome as a tongue-in-cheek repository for anecdotes of appalling remarks/deeds from parents/siblings with rampant NPD. It morphed into a place where those of us suffering the effects of such behaviour could share experiences, solidarity, advice and support. It continued to a second thread here: Quotes from Narcissistic Mothers (& support for their victims) Thread 2 | Mumsnet I hope this thread can continue the good work of its predecessors. Your voice will be heard; your opinion and thoughts matter. You are welcome and valued here. The world is a better place with you in it, despite what you might have been conditioned to believe by those who brought you into it. x

I had my DD’s baptism last weekend.
Mother came, took DD immediately after ceremony and said “get a good photo” . Left the church, then went to the meal, sat at the end the table, speaking only to SIL. Took more photos, and left.
No thank you. No effort made.
We are already low contact. I do hate her, just so much.

@RenewableNewt - Congratulations! I'm delighted for you! All I would say is that they have to realise your baby is yours and you DHs. You know your DM will only see him as an extension of her.

My DM had no interest in my DS. She never even held him. But these mothers go one of two ways.

Try not to let her suck all the joy out of this for you.

@Changedmymind99 - Get her out of your life. I know it's hard to do but she is using your DD to show off. Others will think she's a doting DGM.

My DM showed off about my DS but she had no input. Others would just assume she had like normal DGMs.

My DS went to a private school that I paid for. She didn't contribute at all even though I was a single parent. But she bragged. He didn't want to do sixth form there so he went to a selective state school. Her take was I should make him go back (I'll get right on that, he's 6ft 1 and twice my size and he would refuse to go) and it will take her time to get used to it (it wasn't happening to her and she'd never even seen the school. She also hadn't seen my DS for 6 years). What she meant was she couldn't continue to brag that he was at a private school and again, yet again it was about her.

My DM was equally ungracious when treated. My DF paid for our dinner long after they were divorced and she didn't even thank him. We paid for lunches all the time for her, again no thanks. Because she believed that she deserved it. When we couldn't continue to take her to lunch during a difficult patch she became vile and even more spiteful. She didn't pay for a lunch, of course not. Because she was special.

Here’s the latest instalment.

I am low contact with mother, she knows why but will always play dumb.
She text me last week “hi are you (and DC) coming to visit me this weekend, just so you know I had an mri last week and they found something so I’m going for another one next week”.

She has done this to me for years, behave like she’s dying so I just give into her. I just said, no I can’t visit, and it is what is is.

@Changedmymind99 - I'm glad you did that. With these women you never know if any of it is true anyway. My DM made a huge fuss about a mammogram so my DF (they were divorced) and I took her and travelled hours to do so. When I asked about the results I was told to mind my own business. I often wondered if it wasn't a mammogram because it wasn't at the hospital. Just attention. Always, always attention.

My mum has done the same thing about a mammogram. It wasn’t that they’d found anything, it was before she’d even had the (routine) appointment - she met me on my own doorstep saying ‘I’m not well’ in a faint voice. Well no, you’re not, but it’s nothing to do with the mammogram, is it?

My Mother is the same tried to say she had norovirus for a month and told every one she was being checked for MS but was nowhere near any hospitals or doctors. Its all about the attention

Wow, mine did the MS thing too - I actually drove down to be there on the day she was ‘receiving her diagnosis’ (I was younger and still up to my neck in FOG).

Turns out she did have MS, but she’d kept the diagnosis secret from us for 4+ years, presumably to be able to use it as a stick to beat us with when the need arose.

I was 23, putting in some boundaries and trying to keep a healthier distance, and when she realised what I was doing, the MS diagnosis was wheeled out. Mindboggling that these women are all so similar.

Is there a giant medical facility for the narcissist mothers we can all check them into, one without phones? It would be lovely for them and even better for us.

Once again dear friends these women are all the same! Much as I'm glad she's dead I would like to be able to shout at her "you are not special! All these other women have mothers exactly like you! You've never been special!".

Which even with her lack of achievements and assets demonstrating she was not special she still thought she was. Me though with my qualifications, career, own home, well adjusted DC and life, no not special because it was easy ...

That's really horrible of her. The self-obsession is off the scale.

Birthdays are always one of the times they have to do something to take the attention away from you or ruin your day. For example my mother would specifically buy a cake with a food colouring that makes me ill and present it to me every birthday. When I obviously declined to eat it I would be told I was ungrateful. Other highlights include my 18th birthday where she announced she was getting remarried and my 21st were she held a party for her friends and expected my sisters and I to cater it

God these DMs are shocking and the same!

My DM used to ignore my birthdays and just sit with a face. It was my DF that arranged anything. We used to go out to dinner as I got older and my DF and I love french food. No couldn't do it because of the limited food she ate. Because as always dear friends it's about them.

I think that's why birthdays, mine and others are so important to me. It's the one day it's about you.

@Kfor - that is creepy but it think it's also to get a rise from you. My DM didn't appropriate other people's children (by calling them her DGC) but she did make them things to get the attention.

But when she died she had 2 massive photos of her Great niece and nephew (that she had never met) on her sideboard, and my DS's photo was in the corner. Not one photo of me despite her insisting that she had a professional photo of me when I was small that my DF really wanted. I found it shoved in a cupboard.

I'm always wondering with my DM what the end game was. She chased money (that she wouldn't earn), attention and for life to give her things but then she did absolutely nothing. She never went on holiday, had no interests, had no friends (but of course she thought she did), didn't work and couldn't get a man (towards the end) so what was all this constant focus on herself about? What was the point?

She led the most pointless existence.

This rather old thread was reanimated, and not with the best of intentions, we think, so we're going to close the thread to new posts now.