Our new baby is left out

[Baby2023]

Hello

we have a 4 month old boy together and he has twins who are 3 from a past relationship. We are saving to moving in with each other. When he has his kids at the weekends he then at his. However our little boy is left out when they do stuff at the weekend. For example they are going swimming tommrow with nanny and they haven’t invited me and my son to go along with them. He would never think about leaving one of the twins and only taking one of them but is fine about leaving our little boy out. I am really cross and feel this is very unfair to our boy. Am I over reacting about him being left out. Yes I know he is only 4 Months but he hates being away from his dad and as he grows up he will see he is being left out

We see him one Saturday every 5 weeks. He he leaves for work at 7:30 on Friday comes back at 7pm Sunday

Like what ?? @Ladidahdidah

Where would your elder dc be while you took baby swimming?

They have gone to stay well there dads mum ( dad is not involved though )

Basic suggestion. Put baby to bed at 8. 8-8 is fine. Then you've doubled time with dad.

You're not being unreasonable in wanting to spend some of that time all together, does he live near you? What does he say when you bring up that you're not happy about it?

I don't want this to sound awful, but if he has no intention of you all spending time as a blended family then he has no intention of living with you permanently, because at that point it would be all together or nothing anyway, so he should be wanting to lay the foundation now if it was going to happen some time in the future. Does he even contact you over the weekend?!

The responses in this thread are quite nasty, it's like a lot of you forget how hard it is when you first become a mother.

OP is your partner spending quality time with your little boy during the week before disappearing for the weekends?

I would be upset that he stays at a different property and you don't see him for 2 days, this doesn't seem on at all. How are you supposed to be bringing your families together when he does this? I agree with you that he should be including your son (and you) in these activities or at least have some dinner together.

Yes your baby is only 4 months, but I don't see how it's acceptable for him to just opt out. I remember some of the posts I made on here as a new mum and sometimes other posters were just absolutely horrible, protect yourself and abandon the thread op.

I spoke with him tobight about it and now he is not speaking to me and has cut all communication with me. We live 20 mins away from each other. He talk a bit over the weekends

Have you ever been to his house? Are you sure he is actually separated from his ex?

Yes I have been to his house and have stayed round before and while I was pregnant

Oh come on, you had a child with a man who had 2 year old twins, you must have realised he would need to spend a lot of time with them?

He’s had 3 babies in 3 years by two different women, lives with neither and works full time. He’s always going to be spreading himself very thinly.

This situation is chaos. You all sound so so young and immature. I hope you have grown up support from someone.

Dosent need to spread him self thinly if he came round at weekends and invited us to join in with stuff he does surely???

Op imo you need to crack on with being a single dm. Claim cms. Your mental wellbeing is as important as your dc seeing his feckless df.. If not more so. He has little or no commitment to you or your new dc. He will also have the guilt most absent df's have from being apart from previous dc to deal with.

Op, you're either the other woman or another woman. It's glaringly obvious.

My partner is 32 I am 25

He sounds selfish I wouldn’t be happy with this set up either.

25 is pretty young, to be fair. Your brain wasn't necessarily even fully mature when you had the first two kids. That's not a direct criticism of you - it's unfortunate that kids are not taught this in school really.

You’re essentially a single mother of 3.
Ditch the loser and claim child maintenance- it’ll benefit you financially and rid yourself of the deadwood.

I'm being perfectly honest here, so sorry if it sounds blunt, but I think your first post came across as quite needy and entitled, almost like you're trying to encroach on his quality time with his other children, but that isn't the problem here at all. I hope you're not phrasing it to him in the same way as your opening post, because the swimming is not the real problem here, and is just a silly distraction from what is actually a real problem.

And the real problem is his complete disengagement from 'your' family unit, to basically go off and be a single dad every weekend, it's not on OP, and the fact that you're not completely happy with it should have any reasonable partner wanting to alter things so you WERE happy.

I'm sorry OP, I could be wrong but I don't think you'll ever have the family life with him that you thought you might.

Is the twins’ mum happy never seeing them at weekends? Is she at home with them during the week, or are they in childcare? She may want to change once they start nursery/pre-school/school to some other arrangement. Would you DP consider requesting that with her now? Has he put any thought to trying to see more of (any of) his children during the week? Obviously not possible in many jobs, but could he condense hours and finish early one day so he could see either his twins or his baby before they’re asleep?

I’d love to know what you see in this guy.

He sounds like an absolute loser.

I think you just need to be firmer OP. It seems to me that because he’s not blending families, and keeping you and his ds separate to his twins, that he doesn’t see your relationship as a long term one unfortunately. If he’s spending every full weekend with them, and only a small part of that is swimming, I really don’t see why he wouldn’t want you and his ds to join him and the twins for a couple of hours swimming. He’s being a bit of a twat.

she works in the week most days so they are at nursery and then works every weekend for 5 weeks then has a weekend of we’re she has them. He works at a factory and is the line leader so has to stay till finish