Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Our new baby is left out

403 replies

Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 20:39

Hello

we have a 4 month old boy together and he has twins who are 3 from a past relationship. We are saving to moving in with each other. When he has his kids at the weekends he then at his. However our little boy is left out when they do stuff at the weekend. For example they are going swimming tommrow with nanny and they haven’t invited me and my son to go along with them. He would never think about leaving one of the twins and only taking one of them but is fine about leaving our little boy out. I am really cross and feel this is very unfair to our boy. Am I over reacting about him being left out. Yes I know he is only 4 Months but he hates being away from his dad and as he grows up he will see he is being left out

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Thunderisntnicebythebeach · 14/07/2023 21:23

He can't take 3 swimming alone anyway.

Presumably you knew he had twins?

Billyhero · 14/07/2023 21:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MammaTo · 14/07/2023 21:23

Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:21

He stays with us Monday to Thursday but works 8-6 and baby goes to bed at 7

Show quote history

Then it sounds like this is just how it has to be while his twins are so young. In an ideal world you’d have weekends together as a family, but he’s got an obligation to his kids to see them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old Babies & sleep Behaviour & development Families
Original poster
Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:23

PlanningTowns · 14/07/2023 21:22

So how long have you been with him? When did he leave the mother of the twins (assuming over 13 months ago)?

I imagine is the arrangement is that he has the twins at weekends because of the hours he works. He shouldn’t drop that just because he has another one, but surely there was some discussion during pregnancy given you don’t live together and surely you realised the limitations on his time given he already has twins? Did you expect him to reduce contact with the twins?

No he said he would be over every weekend with them Ovbs being at his during the nights but that hasn’t happened

OP posts:
LorraineInSpain · 14/07/2023 21:24

I don’t get how he can stay with you Mon-Thu but you’re saving to move in together. Can’t he just move in with you & baby if he’s there most days anyway? Then you could have more time together.

Original poster
Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:24

MammaTo · 14/07/2023 21:23

Then it sounds like this is just how it has to be while his twins are so young. In an ideal world you’d have weekends together as a family, but he’s got an obligation to his kids to see them.

Show quote history

He has a responsibility to my baby as well.

OP posts:
Yellowflower47 · 14/07/2023 21:24

Wow, OP is getting a roasting here.

Yes, he has a responsibility to his twins but he also has a responsibility to his 4 month old baby and his new partner. It’s funny because if this was OP saying she doesn’t want to take the twins plus new baby swimming as their new step mum she’d be flamed for it!

OP, you have a baby together now so you should be acting like a family. The twins will naturally do some things alone with their dad but you should be doing things as a unit and baby and dad should also be having some quality time together. It’s really not ideal that he has such young twins plus the baby but that cannot be changed. You’re going to have to be firm and say that this set up isn’t working for you. There are other families with young toddlers and babies who manage so you and your DP need to figure it out.

Original poster
Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:25

LorraineInSpain · 14/07/2023 21:24

I don’t get how he can stay with you Mon-Thu but you’re saving to move in together. Can’t he just move in with you & baby if he’s there most days anyway? Then you could have more time together.

he don’t have big enough houses to move all of us in to one at the moment

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 14/07/2023 21:27

Has his mother even seen your baby? Does he live with her?

LIZS · 14/07/2023 21:29

But his is big enough for the twins and yours for him to stay over. You had nine months to pave the way and save, what happened?

NuffSaidSam · 14/07/2023 21:29

Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:04

No i don’t worry about the twins being left out cause they are with their mum during the week. They have seen this baby three times since he has been born

And your baby is with you (his mum) while the twins are swimming? So it's the same. They both get time alone with their mum and dad.

Whadda · 14/07/2023 21:29

Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:25

he don’t have big enough houses to move all of us in to one at the moment

Show quote history

Do you have other children too?

Does the baby have a room at his house?

Does he contribute financially?

Emmamoo89 · 14/07/2023 21:29

Yabu

Aquamarine1029 · 14/07/2023 21:29

Op, I have a feeling your boyfriend has a lot going on that you know nothing about.

Original poster
Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:30

NuffSaidSam · 14/07/2023 21:29

And your baby is with you (his mum) while the twins are swimming? So it's the same. They both get time alone with their mum and dad.

Show quote history

When is mine and my sons time alone with him ?

OP posts:
Wowzerdowzer · 14/07/2023 21:30

Oh god! Another women has rushed into having a baby with a man who already has babies elsewhere And wants it all her way 🙄
You said your not worried about the twins being left out as 'they are with their mum all week'
Well your baby is with you 'all weekend'

You chose this ........

LadyTemperance · 14/07/2023 21:30

It does sound like you have an argument here. You have had a bit of a roasting and I don’t think that is entirely fair.
The obvious answer is to speak to him and express the fact that you would like to blend the family together. Maybe they could come to yours for lunch once at the weekend even if there isn’t room for them to stay over?

Original poster
Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:31

Whadda · 14/07/2023 21:29

Do you have other children too?

Does the baby have a room at his house?

Does he contribute financially?

Show quote history

He buys the odd pack of nappies and wipes for my son and then gives his ex £209 a month for this kids. Yes I have two other kids however they don’t see their dad so they are just my responsibility. Baby does not have a room at his house

OP posts:
Daffodilwoman · 14/07/2023 21:32

Op I don’t want to sound rude but what in the name of the lord were you thinking getting pregnant to this man?
His twins were what- 2 when you got pregnant? How long have you been together?
Why can’t he move in with you?
Surely he would share your bedroom.
Are you sure he is not still with his ex?
It sounds very odd to me.

LIZS · 14/07/2023 21:32

You are in danger of sounding jealous of twi three year olds. What if you ask him to set aside one weekend day to spend as a whole group. Your exclusive time is during the week, limited though it may be.

Original poster
Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:32

Wowzerdowzer · 14/07/2023 21:30

Oh god! Another women has rushed into having a baby with a man who already has babies elsewhere And wants it all her way 🙄
You said your not worried about the twins being left out as 'they are with their mum all week'
Well your baby is with you 'all weekend'

You chose this ........

But not with his dad ever ?!!!

OP posts:
Anniejameslastcallanniejames · 14/07/2023 21:32

Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:06

Yes I am probably needy but thin me and my son are allowed time at the weekend with him instead of being left out. He works Monday to Friday 8-6 baby goes to bed at 7 and then we don’t see him at weekends

Show quote history

So why did you not move in with him before baby was born?

Original poster
Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 21:32

LIZS · 14/07/2023 21:32

You are in danger of sounding jealous of twi three year olds. What if you ask him to set aside one weekend day to spend as a whole group. Your exclusive time is during the week, limited though it may be.

Would be happy with this we used to do this beofre our baby was born but he stopped this as soon as he was born

OP posts:
Daffodilwoman · 14/07/2023 21:34

Do his parents know you are together?
Have all his family been to see the baby?
Have you met his friends?
Have they all seen the baby?

violinviolet · 14/07/2023 21:35

I think I understand where the op is coming from her partner works all week sees the baby for an hour an evening and then doesn't spend any other time with his partner or baby. That's really hard and I totally emphasise
Talk to him is my advice

Swipe left for the next trending thread