Our new baby is left out

[Baby2023]

Hello

we have a 4 month old boy together and he has twins who are 3 from a past relationship. We are saving to moving in with each other. When he has his kids at the weekends he then at his. However our little boy is left out when they do stuff at the weekend. For example they are going swimming tommrow with nanny and they haven’t invited me and my son to go along with them. He would never think about leaving one of the twins and only taking one of them but is fine about leaving our little boy out. I am really cross and feel this is very unfair to our boy. Am I over reacting about him being left out. Yes I know he is only 4 Months but he hates being away from his dad and as he grows up he will see he is being left out

Taking a 4 month old is vastly different to taking 3 year olds swimming, I wouldn't want to take both if I didn't have to! Surely your baby will be involved as he gets older?

yes I wanted to go along to and was shut down about it

Him not living with you is the problem.

I don’t mind about not living together I knew we wouldn’t be for a while after our baby was born but he promised he would come round every weekend and do stuff with all of us but that’s hasn’t happened

This relationship is going to end badly.

The pair of you have made a poor judgment in having a baby so soon whilst his other children are still so young but you now have to suck it up and understand that the twins at three years old need their father whereas a 4 month old baby isn't going to be fucked off about not going swimming with them.

What way did you expect this to work out having a baby with someone who had toddler twins already with someone else?

Them's the breaks when you have a child with a man who already has kids.

His dad still needs to care for him they are not his only kids no matter what the age

Dosent mean our son comes second cause they were born first

This is why most women wouldn’t touch a man with two-year old twins with a barge pole, let alone look at him and think “I definitely want you to make a single mother out of me next”.

Swimming with a 4 month old and twins sounds like hell.
Imagine in the changing rooms getting everyone changed it would be chaos.
Are there any other times your baby’s been left out or is this the only time.

So he has other older children?

They are 3 year old boys, a baby isn’t going to be of much interest

he Is left out every weekend even just trips to nanny’s at the weekend s

They are still siblings

You cannot undo it but having a baby with him when he already has toddler twins was a bad move.

Be prepared to be practically a single mother; you already are.

So does the baby’s dad see the baby mon-fri and he see’s his twins on the weekend?

The writing was on the wall when he was looking for another relationship when he already had tiny twins tbh. And it doesn't matter what happened in his previous relationship, it would have been a red flag to me that he was looking for someone else at that point.

You reap what you sow my dear. You reap what you sow.

What on earth were you thinking? I have no sympathy whatsoever.

So in your baby's life he has only spent 3-4 Saturdays with you? Surely you expected some compromise when you got into a relationship with a man with young children. Presumably nanny only spends time with them on his days too? Do you ever spend time as a blended unit? Are you included in his family at all?

He stays with us Monday to Thursday but works 8-6 and baby goes to bed at 7

Have you actually talked to him about this?

Swimming with a 4mo is a pain in the arse tbh. They can't stay in for long and you have your hands full the entire time with them. And a 4mo doesn't know that they've been left out while people are having fun. I sometimes take my 4yo places and leave my 1yo with her dad because some places are a lot more fun/easier/more appropriate for one older kid.

I think he has three young children (I won't talk about the wisdom of having a baby when he has two young kids that he's already juggling seeing) and at the moment, the baby is the most 'disposable' one because he doesn't have that awareness yet and won't care that he's been left out of a swimming trip.

Is he seeing the baby during the week?

So how long have you been with him? When did he leave the mother of the twins (assuming over 13 months ago)?

I imagine is the arrangement is that he has the twins at weekends because of the hours he works. He shouldn’t drop that just because he has another one, but surely there was some discussion during pregnancy given you don’t live together and surely you realised the limitations on his time given he already has twins? Did you expect him to reduce contact with the twins?

i had a c section so he was around the first two weeks of his life and then it stopped. No time together no. He goes to see them at his ex’s once a week during the week days