Our new baby is left out

[Baby2023]

Hello

we have a 4 month old boy together and he has twins who are 3 from a past relationship. We are saving to moving in with each other. When he has his kids at the weekends he then at his. However our little boy is left out when they do stuff at the weekend. For example they are going swimming tommrow with nanny and they haven’t invited me and my son to go along with them. He would never think about leaving one of the twins and only taking one of them but is fine about leaving our little boy out. I am really cross and feel this is very unfair to our boy. Am I over reacting about him being left out. Yes I know he is only 4 Months but he hates being away from his dad and as he grows up he will see he is being left out

But the difference here is he doesn't think he has a second family, only OP thinks this.

He told OP he didn't want the unplanned baby, he had one year old twins. OP chose to proceed with the pregnancy.

He doesn't live with OP. He gives her no money, but in the working week, comes to hers where he gets free lodgings, laundry and sex, and spends every weekend with his twins, away from OP. He sees her every 5th weekend, because that's the only weekend the twins mum gets off from her job and can spend with her children. He pays maintenance for his twins. But has only contributed nappies and wipes a couple of times for OP's child. Nothing else. The child is already in bed when he comes to OP's for the night.

Because she is chooses to do the things he might expect a partner to do, she thinks by default he's her partner. He does nothing in return.

I think there is a large degree of if OP didn't do all this, she and the baby wouldn't see him at all, and I do believe deep down she knows this.

I think she's trying to force a situation that's never going to happen, because the only alternative is that she withdraws herself and all the things she does for him, and then she's got 3DC, all whom don't see their fathers, and she's doing everything to stop that from happening.

@TwinsPlusAnotherOne didn't see the post where he didn't want the child. Regardless though I think she should still leave him and apply to cms. Like I said in my first post, the level of effort he makes will tell her everything. Sounds to me like shes in a relationship with him but he isn't in one with her ... yet takes all the benefits. She should ditch him.. quickly

@amiold I think she already knows the level he'll put in if she stops offering free board etc. Which is zero, so she keeps doing it to maintain the illusion that there is a family unit.

It must be damn hard, she's got two other young children where the dad isn't involved, and she either has to keep this up, or have three children as lone parent.

But she has to take accountability for the fact that she made this situation happen, she knew the score from day one, yet seems surprised that this is still the case and has expectations of him that only apply to someone who wants to raise the child. He doesn't.

It's really hard to read where she writes how he "should" take the baby to give her a break. It's like she won't hear what he's told her from the start, and is treating him like a willing, present father.

It's in a previous post. Very enlightening.

@TwinsPlusAnotherOne it's a bit of a mess really. I think being alone with three kids would be easier than the emotional drain that this situation is. If he isn't interested, that won't change will it. Sad really.

Only takes one to stop it.

Why's the nanny working on a Saturday?

Think she means her p's mother ie. The children's grandmother.

Wow

The user name at the top will assist you with working this out.

It appears your post has been deleted though.

Awkward. Again.

I've got 2 under 2
13 months apart
When my baby was 4 months, I left him regularly with friends or family if I wanted to take toddler swimming or to other places so that it was generally easier and so he still felt like he was important, kids get jealous when a new baby comes he might just be trying to reiterate to them that he still wants to spend quality time with them just them, it's a different mum so this might be a concern for him

The problem is the partner doesn’t think this is their “second family”, he barely treats them S if they’re family, he’s treating the OP and their joint child very badly. Very few people (if any?!) think she should suck it up. Most people think OP deserves better and should kick the parttime dad - who only occasionally buys nappies and wipes for his baby - to the kerb.

Except who will be the one actually looking after the baby when he leaves ?

This man has the luxury to pick and choose what he does now in terms of his family life . He may have not wanted the baby but he had sex . He would have needed to have used condoms and had a vasectomy .

I feel sorry for the OP. She deserves better . She will be better off without this man . It will be her left with their joint child .

Oh this comment 🤣🤣 Only on MN 🤦‍♀️

How, in the name of all that is holy. after everything you've read about this scenario, could you POSSIBLY think this family had an employed 'nanny' to take The Twins swimming 🤦‍♀️

It does seem unlikely, when the father of the twins is only paying £24 a week to their mother for their maintenance.

OP, I've read your other threads about this and it doesn't seem like this man ever thought that your baby was going to be part of his extended family. I'm so sorry, but as others have said, you are a single parent to three children and you should make a CMS claim pronto.

@teder, yes but a lot of people have laid into her too. The situation is what it is now, she shouldn't suck it up. She should get rid of him and make better decisions. If he wants to see her child he will make the effort, if not it's his lose. She should apply to cms and offer him contact and go from there. This waiting around for him to care has to grow old soon surely.

A 4 month old has no feelings about his father are you projecting?

They probably assumed a 4 month old won't enjoy swimming

What did they say when you got ready and climbed in the car ?

The issues have absolutely nothing to do with swimming trips and Nannies!

What did they say when you got ready and climbed in the car?

I don’t think this happened.

I think as well, OP needs to just take a step back and look at the facts.

Even on this one example, of swimming.

There's all this "why am I not invited, why should he go without me, why doesn't he let me bring the baby, why can't this, why can't that"

The simple answer, is, he could if he wanted too. He just doesn't want OP or her child there. That's literally the answer.

And once OP stops with the million questions as if they are a family and she can't work out why her partner is behaving this way, and just gets her head round the answer to it all, being "he doesn't want too" maybe she'll be able to finally move on.

I think there's maybe a hope that if she entices him with enough free board/housekeeping/sex for long enough, then he might start to want the baby. Problem is, he only sees the baby one weekend in five. That's not going to work.