Our new baby is left out

[Baby2023]

Hello

we have a 4 month old boy together and he has twins who are 3 from a past relationship. We are saving to moving in with each other. When he has his kids at the weekends he then at his. However our little boy is left out when they do stuff at the weekend. For example they are going swimming tommrow with nanny and they haven’t invited me and my son to go along with them. He would never think about leaving one of the twins and only taking one of them but is fine about leaving our little boy out. I am really cross and feel this is very unfair to our boy. Am I over reacting about him being left out. Yes I know he is only 4 Months but he hates being away from his dad and as he grows up he will see he is being left out

His dad dosent see our baby but sees his kids. His mum knows about us and I get on well with her. Yes I know his friends and have met his family and they have all met the baby

I wonder why he split with his twins mother... could it be he is generally shit with babies and only takes an interest once they're a bit older.

Either way op I'm getting the impression this relationship is not what you thought/think it is.

He should be financially and emotionally supporting this baby and clearly from what you have said he isn't

They split cause he didn’t want to be with her she got pregnant 2 month in to the relationship they broke up before they were 2 they are nearly 4

They split cause he didn’t want to be with her she got pregnant 2 month in to the relationship they broke up before they were 2 they are nearly 4

And you are not worried history is repeating itself? His property presumably cannot also accommodate your elder dc. How will you save while on ml?

Honestly OP, what were you thinking having a baby with this man?

Fast-forward two years and you’ll be wondering why he’s spending all his time with his new girlfriend and new baby and not bringing your son swimming.

He likes getting women pregnant quickly doesn't he. You can't have been together long when you got pregnant if he only split up with the twins mum 2 years ago and you have a 4 month old.

There will be no other babies he has had the snip

You mean HE got her pregnant 2 months in... how long did it take for him to share and multiply his genetic material with yourself?
He doesn't sound very responsible does he, I think he will continue to disappoint you unfortunately.

Politely I think there are lots of bigger problems you have here than some resentment over swimming. I think you and his Dad have very different outlooks on this relationship...and it doesn't come across as either a mature or stable situation

Sounds like he wants to keep his 2 lives separate. What is he like with your older kids?

By the way if not living together is partly so you can claim benefits be careful as staying over most nights, sharing any finances etc can cause problems.

OP - everyone is being really harsh and you haven't come on here for that.

You are only 4 months post partum with your first baby. It's hard! Your partner works long hours in the week and has his twins for some of the weekend so you are doing most of the graft. I think this is the problem rather the baby missing out.

Have you got other support apart from your partner? People to have adult chat with and to fuss over the baby?

It's crucial your partner sees his other children so in time, surely the twins can come to yours and you do something together as a family.

Oh Dear

I am student so I get student finance as well as working. He don’t share any finances.

@jk987 OP has 2 older children

Ah I'm sorry op, I think you probably realise by now that you've made a big mistake, the result is which you're basically bringing up this baby alone. He hardly sees you both. Sounds like you'd be better supported by him, compared to the current nothing, of splitting, claiming child maintenance and him actually having the baby on his own- like he does with his ex.
And for the future - having babies so quickly, which I guess you thought cemented your relationship and proved to you he cared, isn't a good idea.

This doesn't like it's going to end well

Sound like*

What a horrible mess caused by selfish adults and as usual it will be the children that miss out and or suffer.

So, if he and his ex split up when the twins were 2, they're now nearly 4 and you already have a 4 month old together, doesn't sound like you wasted much time before choosing to get pregnant by him yourself.

Do you each rent or own?

Can you not get a bigger place together? Depending on the sex of your older children, you could manage fine with a three bedroom house if you keep the baby in with you and your boyfriend for a while.

Why don’t you just go swimming and take the baby. Tell him you are going too. Then suggest you all go to the cafe/park/for a walk afterwards. That way you get to spend time with him at the weekend.

In this scenario it’s more important at the moment that the twins know there Dad is still there for them and still cares about them as much as he did effort before the new baby was born. Your 4 month baby isn’t feeling left out. Let your DH be a good Dad.

I think you're getting a hard time here OP, but what is the ultimate plan here?

Why on earth would you not be spending time as a blended family at the weekends? That's what would happen if you lived together. He gets to see his twins in the week without you so why can't you do at least a few things all together as a family for some of that time? What is his answer to that?

When does he leave yours and come back home? Do you see him at all at the weekends?

This ^^