Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Our new baby is left out

403 replies

Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 20:39

Hello

we have a 4 month old boy together and he has twins who are 3 from a past relationship. We are saving to moving in with each other. When he has his kids at the weekends he then at his. However our little boy is left out when they do stuff at the weekend. For example they are going swimming tommrow with nanny and they haven’t invited me and my son to go along with them. He would never think about leaving one of the twins and only taking one of them but is fine about leaving our little boy out. I am really cross and feel this is very unfair to our boy. Am I over reacting about him being left out. Yes I know he is only 4 Months but he hates being away from his dad and as he grows up he will see he is being left out

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Champgal · 15/07/2023 09:09

So what's the reason he has given why you cant hang out all together on weekends? Surely you have asked?

Helpsos12 · 15/07/2023 09:11

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 15/07/2023 09:05

There's mistakes. And then there's mistakes.

I think no one feels sorry for OP because she's jealous of 3yo twins, doesn't seem to care that her other two children aren't present, just wants to force a swimming session with "her man"... Who she can't even see, isn't. She's completely inventing the position she thinks she's in. And there are 3 children she's taking on this damaging ride.

OP needs to grow up, fast. People aren't being sanctimonious. They're telling her the truth. In the hope, for her sake, she might see it.

As other posters have pointed out , it’s about the dad not being there on the weekend . She’s not jealous of the twins good lord.

What do you suggest for ops heinous mistake ? A smacked botty?A good telling off from the moral police ? Hmmm. Life doesn’t work like that . OP is in a bad position, she knows .

I expect you tell men / women in real life what you think of their blended families ? For example men who leave their wives and then go on to have second families ? The children are just as fucked up , trust me . It’s just it’s easier to berate the op.

Tereseta · 15/07/2023 09:11

LimePi · 15/07/2023 08:25

I think you need to read a bit more about this man before calling him an excellent father. Swimming aside, he’s not being a father at all to his 4month year old baby, although it is also his child.

Think she was calling her son in law an excellent father not ops baby daddy.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Helpsos12 · 15/07/2023 09:11

Champgal · 15/07/2023 09:09

So what's the reason he has given why you cant hang out all together on weekends? Surely you have asked?

He’s a selfish arse who has kids too quickly with women and doesn’t want to deal with it fully .

Theloosegoose · 15/07/2023 09:15

Yes weekends are for family and he is being with one of his families at the weekend. Unfortunately I think this is what having more than one family is like. When the baby is a bit older then I think it would be different but he's 4 months old. I am not sure you can even take 5 kids swimming with 2 adults but I think its a bit of a distraction. Perhaps you are focusing on that because the actual situation is not sustainable and it is too painful to consider right now. The lack of financial contribution is unacceptable. You are living like a single parent. I don't mean to sound cruel.

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 15/07/2023 09:16

End it.

File for child maintenance.

You are not together. He is not your partner. He is not providing for his baby.

You really need to be realistic about where you are with him: nowhere.

He's shown you his priorities, and you and the baby are not it.

At the very least, ensure he's providing for his newest child financially.

Helpsos12 · 15/07/2023 09:18

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 15/07/2023 09:16

End it.

File for child maintenance.

You are not together. He is not your partner. He is not providing for his baby.

You really need to be realistic about where you are with him: nowhere.

He's shown you his priorities, and you and the baby are not it.

At the very least, ensure he's providing for his newest child financially.

I hope Op does end it. It’s going to be a hard road but she will be so much better off.

BackAgainstWall · 15/07/2023 09:18

You cannot be serious??

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 15/07/2023 09:23

So if they invited you, there would be 3 more kids to think about, your 2nd baby? You say you are left to look after all 3 every weekend so I'm assuming their grandma having them is a one off? I think its lovely, and necessary, that the twins get that time with dad and grandma. They are so little still. I'm sure the baby will be included when he is older, the twins will be more independent in the water by then and I'm sure will be happy to fuss over their little brother.
OP, you chose to get pregnant to a man with toddlers. I dont want to hear how feckless he is, OP STILL chose to have his baby. Women have agency, we make choices. This is a consequence of a choice you made. I do think it will change when baby gets abit older though.

Xenia · 15/07/2023 09:24

If I were the granny who was going swimming with my 3 year old twins and son I would not want the new baby there because it is hard enough taking 3 year olds swimming and there are legal ratios of 2 adults per child which came in between havin my first children and the twins in the UK which meant I could not even take my own twins on my own to swim which is ridiculous but seems to be the new set of rules.

Batalax · 15/07/2023 09:35

If he used to spend time with his kids all together with you and your kids, and now he doesn’t, then something has changed and it’s not just the baby.

He’s clearly saying he has no intention of blending your families together long term but hasn’t quite given up the benefits of his easy, cheap life with you yet. Him storming off when you try to discuss it, proves this.

Im sorry but it’s only a matter if time before this ends.

Cailin66 · 15/07/2023 09:46

Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 22:30

My kids used to spend a lot of time with his kids and they get along well but it has all been stopped since I gave birth. My son is 7 and my daughter is 3.

How regularly did you bring your children swimming when they were 4 months old?

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 15/07/2023 09:59

Helpsos12 · 15/07/2023 09:11

As other posters have pointed out , it’s about the dad not being there on the weekend . She’s not jealous of the twins good lord.

What do you suggest for ops heinous mistake ? A smacked botty?A good telling off from the moral police ? Hmmm. Life doesn’t work like that . OP is in a bad position, she knows .

I expect you tell men / women in real life what you think of their blended families ? For example men who leave their wives and then go on to have second families ? The children are just as fucked up , trust me . It’s just it’s easier to berate the op.

OP is in a bad position, she knows

That's actually the whole point. OP thinks the opposite. Thinks they're buying a house together, and he's "her man" who she so dutifully cares for.

He only turns up because she gives him free board, lodging and laundry. He's not even a partner.

OP needs, as many others say, to get realistic.

NewName122 · 15/07/2023 10:08

You are being ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.

AlwaysFrazzled88 · 15/07/2023 10:15

Why do people say OP chose to get pregnant? Doesn't it take two to tango? 🤷

Totaly · 15/07/2023 10:15

How regularly did you bring your children swimming when they were 4 months old?

Hint it’s not about swimming …

NewName122 · 15/07/2023 10:20

Baby2023 · 14/07/2023 22:32

At the weekend I have three kids on my own while he is off with his kids . I would want to do stuff together as a family he went for ice cream in the week with them so they have had time on their own. Weekends are time for families to be together

He is with his family at weekends though isn't he.... which sadly isn't you and your other 2 kids.

imjustconfused · 15/07/2023 10:23

Jibo · 14/07/2023 23:40

This can't be real. Nobody is stupid enough to get knocked up by the father of 2yo twins when they already have 2 fatherless kids of their own.

See this often on Mumsnet. Some people think you have to reproduce as soon as you get with someone.

Otterock · 15/07/2023 10:33

Is he really working all those weekends he’s not with you? Unfortunately it reads like he’s juggling 2 lives

RampantIvy · 15/07/2023 10:49

The issue here isn't about swimming. It's about a feckless man who doesn't like using contraception impersonating women and leaving the childcare up to the mothers.

@Baby2023 I'm sorry you are having such a hard time in here, but I think you are beginning to realise that your baby's father is simply not interested in being a father to your baby. He is irresponsible and a waste of space.

You need to sort out some child maintenance, accept that this is not a relationship any more (was it ever?) and move on. Also, get some watertight contraception in place for yourself.

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 15/07/2023 10:55

AlwaysFrazzled88 · 15/07/2023 10:15

Why do people say OP chose to get pregnant? Doesn't it take two to tango? 🤷

Two to conceive.

One to decide it's a viable pregnancy and produce a child to raise and support for a minimum of 18yrs.

I can't believe this still needs to be said.

RampantIvy · 15/07/2023 10:58

Flipping auto correct!

My second sentence should say
It's about a feckless man who doesn't like using contraception impregnating women and leaving the childcare up to the mothers.

Helpsos12 · 15/07/2023 11:16

She will, I am certain of that . This man offers nothing

AlwaysFrazzled88 · 15/07/2023 11:20

TwinsPlusAnotherOne · 15/07/2023 10:55

Two to conceive.

One to decide it's a viable pregnancy and produce a child to raise and support for a minimum of 18yrs.

I can't believe this still needs to be said.

Obviously you think it is an easy decision to have an abortion.

Bibbidybobbody · 15/07/2023 11:27

What a mess. This is why blended families rarely work. This is why there are so many single parents, because people jump into parenthood so early on in relationships whist hardly knowing their partner.

If you had a previous partner who was abusive why on earth would you jump straight into having a child with a guy who knew for a year? Surely you'd be more cautious. You're so young to have 3 children with 2 different and both completely useless men.

I would suggest living together would be the best solution but I don't think this relationship will last based on his complete disregard for your feelings.

I wish you well and hope you do what's right for your child/ren.