Our new baby is left out

[Baby2023]

Hello

we have a 4 month old boy together and he has twins who are 3 from a past relationship. We are saving to moving in with each other. When he has his kids at the weekends he then at his. However our little boy is left out when they do stuff at the weekend. For example they are going swimming tommrow with nanny and they haven’t invited me and my son to go along with them. He would never think about leaving one of the twins and only taking one of them but is fine about leaving our little boy out. I am really cross and feel this is very unfair to our boy. Am I over reacting about him being left out. Yes I know he is only 4 Months but he hates being away from his dad and as he grows up he will see he is being left out

Ok. So you started dating in Sep 21 when the twins were still 1??

And were pregnant by May/June, and he told you straight away he didn't want the baby (from what other poster has said, I have missed this)

Why do you think he should be doing anything? He didn't want the baby? He didn't want to be a father, you knew that, but then decided to keep the baby, which of course is your right...but why do you think he should be doing anything to raise the child only you chose to have? You come across as thinking you are entitled to this, because you chose to keep the baby. You are choosing to give him free board, laundry and sex, and again you come across as thinking this makes you and him a family unit.

You need to start prioritising yourself and your children instead of chasing the idea of a family which is never going to happen with this man.

Why did you get pregnant so quickly. Do you not use birth control?

Her coil moved.

I don't think men should be allowed to do this as that is essentially blackmail. Have an abortion or keep the baby but I won't support you. Unless it was deliberate he should support her whatever choice she takes and pay money if she keeps it. Of you have sex then be a responsible adult.

Yes of course he should financially support the child. Without question.

But he's under no obligation to spend any time with a child he didn't want to have. It's not emotional blackmail FFS. He had one year old twins. People are allowed not to want endless children you know. OP needs to be accountable for her actions, which are to continue the pregnancy and have a child that she knew would not have a present father. And now because she's offering him free rent and food, she's acting like she's entitled to expect that.

You can force someone to become a father, but you can't force him to be a family.

What is it with posters inability to comprehend what they've been told.

the Op has spent a lot more time with the twins pre the arrival of the joint 4 month old.

it's his twins that have only 'met' the baby a few times.

I think you have it pretty spot on.

@PrimalOwl10

try reading the OP's posts, then you 'might' get your facts correct.

OP what is your opinion of a man who only pays £24 a week maintenance for each child?
I mean, that wouldn't even feed them!

Mumsnet is so toxic , this has become a pile on against op . Lots of judgement from
certain posters , lots of assumptions. Frankly it’s abusive .

I agree @Helpsos12.
@Baby2023 I'm sorry, but you need to accept that your baby's father never wanted another child and isn't prepared to step up. You need to dump him and chase him for some child maintenance.

@Baby2023 reading your posts, this isn't about the swimming. It's a wider issue than that isn't it?

The issue, as I see it, is that apart from an hour 4 evenings a week and 1/5 Saturdays, your partner is not contributing to parenting the baby you have together. Yes, he has other children and of course, he absolutely needs to see them but most weekends plus some time in the week, he sees them far more than your baby.

I hate to say it, but this relationship and situation aren't going to work. He clearly has no interest in becoming a blended family unit, despite him saying about saving to live together.

In all honesty, I would end the relationship. If he wishes to have contact with your son, then you can arrange that. However, the relationship just isn't working so I would end it, focus on your studies and the kids.

Ah, of course. Because you say so.

Right o.

Your deleted post says so 😊. Anything supportive to say to the op or shall you continue to berate and blame her ?

Oh , you're reporting anyone who doesn't share your viewpoint, and declaring they are trolls.

Gotcha. One sec...

@Helpsos12

It appears it was someone else's post that got deleted. I just quoted it.

Awkward.

This is unrealistic. You wanted 2 adults to take 3 small children swimming. Taking twins at that age swimming probably means an adult per child and you wanted to encumber
them with a baby that needs to be held! Insanity.

You’ve got some really got advice on this thread take it.

That’s why I suggested she take the advice on the thread! Her responses to virtually every comment show her delusions regarding the relationship which frankly the man isn’t committed to.

Op i think you're getting a hard time here but the second family are always expected to suck it up on Mumsnet.

My partner has a child and I'm pregnant and I wouldn't stand for that. Yes he should spend time alone with his child and tbh taking a 4 month swimming with them is a ticket for disaster. But that ain't the issue is it. The issue is you never see him and he favours his other children.

I'd tell him it's over. Apply to cms for your share of the finances and make your child available at weekends to spend time with their dad if he wants to. Stop letting him come and go through the week as he pleases because it suits. If he makes time at the weekend for them he'll have to find activities for them all to spend time together (if he can be arsed because it sounds like he doesn't like parenting the baby). If he can't then that shows who he is and where his priorities lie.

I agree with you, your child shouldn't come second because it was born second. Yes it maybe was in hindsight a bad decision but you are where you are and need to make good decisions going forward for you and your LO.

A pack of nappies and nipping in for his tea when he can be arsed is not being a dad.

but they used protection, it failed.
So he has a choice too, she chose to keep the child, he didn’t.That’s her call.

Haha , couldn’t differentiate the responses from the other poster 😂. Both grim.