Father not being given access to children - where do I stand?

[al3555]

Hi,

Bit of background, I (father) had a period of ill mental health a few years ago, married with 3 young children I struggled to balance work and family pressures and had 3 spells in hospital due to this and other family issues.
Fast forward 5 years I'm now stable, in a good job and finalising divorce from the kids mother. She has blocked me seeing the children for the past 3 years and I miss them terribly. I realise the only way I'll get access is through the C100 court process but am worried that my psychological background will stop me from seeing them even though I have been free of any treatment for 3 years and am coping well with life in general.
Have spoken to a couple of other fathers in similar situations and one of the things which comes up is that I'll need a full psychological assessment at a cost of £5000 or more (I don't qualify for legal aid) which I can barely afford. I'm going to be representing myself, I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts/advice for me, all I want to do is see my children.

Thanks

I agree with what you're saying but hiding from it isn't going to help. I'm trying to build back a relationship slowly.

I don't doubt it has been hard for her also. I have always provided for my family where I can. Fortunately I was not unemployed for a long period of time. I give them 60% of my earnings and have allowed my wife to keep the family home valued at £650,000

Without wanting to go too much into specifics the non molestation order was put in place at the start of a period of particularly bad mental health. I was not in a position to contest it at the time.
I did not make contact with her or the children during the 2 year period.

We agreed this, I didn't have to let her keep the full family home but I wanted to for the benefit of my kids to provide them a stable place for growing up

As well as CMS I give my ex-wife spousal support as she does not work.

It is more like this

Yr1: Mental Health issues, moved out of family home
Yr2: Mental Health issues, deteriorated. NMO granted
Yr3: NMO in place, divorce applied for by my ex-wife
Yr4: Part year NMO in place.

So you have spoken to others fathers but not contacted a family solicitor to outline what steps you need to take? I think you need to do that first especially since your case is not straightforward.

Another point to consider. Your 9yr old (the only one that can be forced into contact with you) would have last seen you aged four. He won't know you, you are a complete stranger to him. Have you considered his mental and emotional health before continuing with a court case?

I don't think you are considering your children in this. You disappeared for 5 years, despite your mental health issues. They have had to adjust to that and all the trauma it brings. If they don't want to see you, you should respect that. 9 year olds views are actually considered too if they are quite sensible.

I have contacted solicitors who have told me the only way to get child access is a C100.

You make a good point about my youngest son. I don't want to pressure him into getting to know me but I do want to know him and to be there for him as a father. I'm hoping that time will heal and it has been a lot of time already.

I didn't have to let her keep the full family home but I wanted to for the benefit of my kids to provide them a stable place for growing up that's a minimal duty as a parent, not some kind of badge of generosity?

I am considering my children, that's why I'm only suggesting remote contact such as phone calls/emails.
I didn't disappear as such, for most of the 2 years the NMO was in place I was totally fine and missing them desperately but I was not able to contact them due to the NMO.

The advice I got was I should sell the family home and let her keep half and move on with my life. I live in a small shared flat where they have a 4 bed detached house. Not saying that I have done anything more than I should have but I have taken the kids' stability as my primary motive.

You can still get access to your children even with a NMO in place by using the court system.

He gave the simple answer already

Send a letter via a solicitor documenting your desire to re-establish a relationship with the children, if and when they choose. Until then, which you should accept, may never happen, leave them in peace.

I live in a small shared flat where they have a 4 bed detached house. Well there's one of you and four of them, so again, no badges of generosity. And whoever advised you to move on with your life wasn't really taking into account that you can't 'move on' from having children; you are forever responsible for the fact that they exist.

That’s a bizarre thing to say. If you don’t have £5k you can’t just spend it.