Father not being given access to children - where do I stand?

[al3555]

Hi,

Bit of background, I (father) had a period of ill mental health a few years ago, married with 3 young children I struggled to balance work and family pressures and had 3 spells in hospital due to this and other family issues.
Fast forward 5 years I'm now stable, in a good job and finalising divorce from the kids mother. She has blocked me seeing the children for the past 3 years and I miss them terribly. I realise the only way I'll get access is through the C100 court process but am worried that my psychological background will stop me from seeing them even though I have been free of any treatment for 3 years and am coping well with life in general.
Have spoken to a couple of other fathers in similar situations and one of the things which comes up is that I'll need a full psychological assessment at a cost of £5000 or more (I don't qualify for legal aid) which I can barely afford. I'm going to be representing myself, I was just wondering if anyone had any thoughts/advice for me, all I want to do is see my children.

Thanks

If the choice is pay £5k and have a chance of seeing your children vs not paying £5k and have no chance, then I know what I would do.

As you say, you’re back on your feet now. If a psychological assessment is definitely needed and you’re stable now then it will be supportive for your case.

In addition to the costs it will be worth budgeting in therapy/play therapy for the children. This is going to be a huge change for them and potentially a stressful and emotional one - they’ll likely benefit from professional support.

There is no other advice other than take it to court, there are no short cuts barring your ex changing her mind, and she may prefer that you undergo the psychological assessment before taking the children by yourself given your history in order to feel confident about the children's safety.

Children 12 and over will be asked their opinions.

The only way is to go to court. If they were my children I would be taking on a second job to save up the money needed.

Have you tried approaching ex in less formal way

Offering short visits to meet with the children and help them get to know you rather than asking to take the children over night or for extended periods

Jumping straight into over nights and long periods won't be in the children's interest and mother will rightly resist

A more gentle approach clearly focussed on what is best for the children will land better

There is a perception that sometimes fathers go straight to demanding 50:50 with an aim to hurt the mother and reduce maintenance.

A more considered approach focussed on what the children want and what is best for them is less likely to prompt fear snd anger

Yes I have been

For 2 years I had a non molestation order in place, I have been trying to resolve things amicably but she won't even communicate other than a few basic messages through a solicitor.

That is a good point, they are now 9,13 and 16.
Apparently they don't want to see me, that's the only communication I've had about them.

Christ go to court and get access to your kids !!! Why haven't you done it by now ?

A quarter of people suffer with mental health. Should they all have their children taken away?

Yes all I've asked for is some form of contact, even emails or a phone call, that's all I want at this stage but it has been refused.

I had ex mh problems. He tried to kill us both in car was admitted to pych hospital.
He later admitted he wanted to kill himself and my Ds. So had supervised contact. The last time he was admitted to pych hospital. I cut contact. He rarely turned up for his 2 hours a fortnight.

He applied to court over a year later. Cafcass agreed he needed either a pych or psychology assessment prior to any contract.

He withdrew from the case as he refused to answer any questions.

My Ds is a teenager now but i absolutely would not have let him see my ds without that assessment.

He was unable to prioritise my Ds's needs . He isn't here for an experiment if he is well enough or not.

I am not saying your situation is identical but having had to protect my ds from his Dad , i don't trust he is safe easily. He has never had a job since. So certainly no indication anything has improved.

Agreement using CMS figures

This absolutely suggests that the children have suffered.

OK without going into too much detail your case sounds similar to mine to some extent but

1. I have had a large amount of psychological help which I have fully taken on board
2. I am in a long term stable job and paying maintenance and the mortgage for the family house.
3. I have had the sign off (discharge) from a NHS psychiatrist
4. At this stage I am only asking for some form of remote contact like phone calls/emails as I realise it's a big jump to getting full face to face contact.

I've been told that if the 13 and 16 year olds say no to contact with me then there's not much I can do. The 9 year old is too young to have their view taken outright.

The thing is OP, just because you’ve recovered from your episodes of poor health it doesn’t mean your ex and the kids have recovered from the trauma of your behavior during that time.
It’s good that you realize you would have to build up to face to face contact slowly.
If there’s little chance of contact with the older children you could write them letters and date them and keep them in a box. Then if one day your kids decide, perhaps as adults, that they want to have contact then you can give your letters to them, and they can decide if they want to read them.

This was agreed through a solicitor.