OK have been meaning to start this one for a while - what are you insouciant about re yr kids?

[Clary]

Sorry for silly long word in the title. I really mean, what do you let go and think is OK that others might not. I am convinced we all have sthg.

For example, a pal is a lovely mum and really caring but once carried more children in her car than there were eseast for. I would never do this.

Another really really lovely caring mumsnet type mum who makes her own bread and loves her lovely kids to bits and does all kinds of imaginative stuff with them but passes on shoes.

Another is lovely too, shoes always nicely shined, house is clean and tidy, children very polite, ride bikes, read well etc, but are fed total crap - and refuse any brown bread, salad, fruit etc (at least that's all the kids were ever given at playdates there).

So what's your thing you just don't think matters? I'm not after judging (tho no doubt this will go that way) but interested.

Tp show I mean it, here are mine (I have 2); 1) I let my kids lick out the cake mix bowl (the car friend thinks this is unacceptable). Raw eggs, schmaw eggs. Am I putting their lives at risk?

2. I am a bit casual about illness. If DD is sick (she often is) but not really ill, ie she throws up then asks what's for lunch and goes and runs round in the garden afterwards, I don't wait 48 hrs to send her back to school.

See, I told you I was a bad mother!

Chips - they are potato, and vegetable oil, and that's it. They may not be pureed avodado but I would give a chip over crappy cardboard 'rice cake' any day. Much nicer, much more nutricious(sp?).

Gawd, practically anything except keeping up with me when I am walking - he is a wanderer, bigtime!

What do I care about? Um....well the things I actively disapprove in other people are: neglect and sustained cruelty, not just mad mummy shouting etc. Smoking all over your kids, ie right in their faces. Leaving them at home alone for long periods. Never even offering them fruit or veg ever. Letting small children play in the road. I'm really, really not keen on smacking and would find it hard to be around someone if they started laying about their children while I was there. And I don't like putting a really tiny baby of just a few weeks in a distant bedroom so you can't hear them cry. I did meet someone who did this, and it seriously put me off them.

And am very lax about dirt on faces, I was them daily, I'm not chasing them with a babywipe, it doesn't hurt.

Don't mind about

Cleanliness (on child and in house)
Co-ordinating outfits
Hair combing
Illness
Occasional sweets/VERY VERY occasional fizzy drinks
Bedtime (at weekends)

DO mind about

Car seats
Manners
Sitting at the table and staying there till we are all finished
TV (we don't have one, & I like to limit it when dd is at other houses too)
Mostly healthy food

Think I'm an odd mix of Victorian mum and slattern.

Not bothered about -

General cleanliness
TV in the background (but only CBeebies/Playhouse Disney, so maybe I am a bit souciant there...)
Nekkidness
Dancing nekkid on the dining room table
Making a mess
Not always cleaning teeth at bedtimes
DD existing on fruit, bread/butter and fish fingers (her cousin was the same, he now eats everything, I don't let it stress me)
second-hand clothes (are people really bothered by this?)
ironing - never did it for myself, don't do it for dd...
big bouncy dogs
the supposed threat of paedophiles (people are always taking pics of dd - she's a cutie, why not?)

However, I am extremely hot on:

Manners
Clarks fitted shoes (damn it all, she went up another half-size today!!)
Bedtimes
Prayers at bedtimes & grace before meals (even if said meal consists of bread/butter and yoghurt)
Artificial sweeteners/added sugar/hydrogenated fats
Walking or pushchair, no carries - I refuse to carry her for miles on end while pushing a buggy - despite aforementioned diet of bread/butter etc, she weighs a ton and I've got a bad back!

And, this is my own personal sadness, when we make gingerbread men together I have to really, really restrain myself and bite my tongue when she cuts them out of the dough then manages to break off their arms/legs/heads on the way to the baking tray - it's all I can do not to wrest the cutter off her and say 'No, no, THIS is how you do it properly!' And of course she gets to eat the raw dough...

Well, I'm uptight
I care about: tv (didn't have until I was 13 so just don't see the point and why kids need to watch it), illness, eating good food, manners and snotty noses.

Not fussed about: cleanliness, chocolate (but abhore colourings and fast food - but thats an ethical thing) or safety (within reason!).

I think i am a laid back mum....my 8 (14-2) all love Doctor Who.. even though it can be a bit scary....they watch other slightly scary things too-never had a nightmare though.

I but clarks shoes for the wider ones amongst them...and other shoes too (girls need lots of shoes!!)

They have to do teeth every night...
they only have fizzy drinks at parties
t.v is always on

if it is later in the evening and DP is not around i turn a blind eye at words like 'shut-up' 'your a doh-ball'..i just can't be bothered at that time of night.

I never make a big fuss when one falls over..they have to learn to be brave...

i never read bedtime stories....i'm not going to give them an excuse to kick off when it can't be done one night...(they have lots of stories in the day though)...

Basically i am a morning person and my kids have learnt to take the p**s in the evening as i really can't be bothered by then...and they get away with a lot more.

Hppy and healthy is my motto!

Ah yes, paedophiles lurking on every street corner.

Call me slack but I Don't Think So.

Twinmummyx2 - just looked on your profile!! Hats off! I'd be impressed if you just had 2 sets of twins, but another 4 as well, and still only 30 something!

You deserve a whole reality tv show about you.

(I mean that in the nicest possible way btw, hope you can see the sincere admiration and respect in my message).

Aww thanks DaphneHarvey! It really isn't all that hard having 8....i would recommend it .....

my boys live in footie shirts..no ironing...sorted!!!...LOL

me

Well, I'm very relaxed about:

What my DS has on when he goes out, as long as he is not going to freeze or roast it is his decision. For ages he wore a pair of his (clean) pants on his head as a 'hat'. He also likes wearing my scarves or bit of scrap material around his neck.

My DS drawing all over himself in felt-tip pen, including all over his face. He frequently pretends to be a cat and likes drawing a cat face onto his own. An old woman at a bus stop once said to me "he's drawn on his face!" in a shocked way. So what?? He does it so often it is novel when his face is not covered in felt tip whiskers!

The birds and the bees, DS knows how babies are made.

Climbing things, including up slides.

Taking him on potentially risky 'adventures'. I introduced him to climbing by abseiling him down a 50 foot sea cliff onto a ledge and then getting him to climb back up (but he was harnessed to a rope and I knew what I was doing!)

DS helps me cook all the time, including standing on a chair mixing pots (although this does slightly scare me) and using knives.

I let him use normal scissors too.

Am very strict about
Brushing teeth
Speaking properly
Saying please and thank-you
Helping me clen and tidy up.

Evidence of my Bad Motherhood

• couldn't be arsed to go to SATs meetings at school

• often discover dc wearing odd socks

• dds' long hair often tatty (oh the shame!)

• bedrooms untidy

• 6 yo allowed to go to and from school on his own

• too much time spent on MN

batters you've reminded me of another one- and this I am actually trying to ween him off as I don't really approve:

my DS regularly trawls through youtube looking for animations to watch (I have deprived him by never having a tv), and sometimes stumbles on inapropriate stuff . He is also a Simpsons fan, because I am and have the dvds

Head lice After school activities Being too clean Exams etc

Do insist on manners decent shoes and reading

'For ages he wore a pair of his (clean) pants on his head as a 'hat'' Rofl! Excellent

They do become adamant about wearing strange things sometimes - it's really not worth the argument is it?

I am quite insouciant about homework. They do it to keep the peace with the school, but I'm not a hard liner about it when they're so young.

My dss wear un-matching socks all the time, in fact I don't really care what they're wearing as long as it's clean - most of the time they look like ragamuffins because they choose their own clothes.

We have Cbeebies on as background most of the day and I let him have 6 - yes I count them - sweets - eg.choccy buttons every day - call the papers

Teeth, baths and hairwashing. If they are too tired I let it go for another day, they are clean most of the time!

forgot, usually has a dirty face as I get tired of chasing him to clean it. Don't always insist he still has his afternoon nap.
Do insist he goes to bed at roughly the same time every evening. Do cut up his grapes, tomatoes etc (he's 23 months)insist on sun hats and sun cream - what a battle that was today
Also insist on getting my cuddle quota everyday and don't allow him to play with biros - after his bloody nana let him have one and he scribbled all over the table and sofa - nice !!!

Loads of stuff already mentioned here. Main one at the moment is dd (nearly 5) not wearing shoes. She walked round a park for 4 hours today in bare feet. Sometimes she gets her toes cut or grazed but it doesn't seem to put her off.

not bothered about dses (10 and 8) youtubing and google videoing, riding their bikes round the block, going alone to the park to play footy, watching Friends (ds1's current favourite) - hadn't ever noticed before how very sexually explicit it is, being grubby constantly, lost all combs and hairbrushes for several days last week and didn't really think to replace or even look very hard,

Am anally retentive about bike helmets, seat belts, regular bath and then bed time at 8pm every night. I am the only mother in the whole town mean and uptight enough not to let my kids trick or treat at Halloween because it's greedy, nasty and unhealthy.

I am insouciant about washing - dd is often too tired for a bath, and they perk her up - so I'd rather put her to bed dirty than her lose sleep ! We are experts in a 5 miute mornng showers as a result !

I am also insouciant about food - on the whole she eats very well - but she is allowed Coke in pubs if they don't have apple juice ! She also loves McD's - once a month maybe. Last night we were so tired after work/playscheme and an hours delay on the motorway that we got fish and chips on the way home !

I'm not that bothered about clothes - so long as they are clean ! They often don't match - and she invariably chooses her own !

I am also overly relaxed about her seeing the news, hearing swearing and generally knowing about too much adult stuff.

I am however very strict about manners and politeness, homework, sending thank you notes and being thoughful and helpful !

Mess/mud/sand and spillages on floor/carpets/clothes etc. I used to get all het up but these days I don't give a shit. I just clean it all up when they've finished. I get a bit pissed off if food is deliberately scattered on the floor/table, but because it's disrespectful behaviour, rather than because of the mess itself, IYSWIM.

I can't get worked up about drawing on the walls/other inappropriate places either, although I do make a show of disapproving of it because I don't want them thinking it's OK to do it in other people's houses. I don't really want to have the sort of home where people don't feel comfortable/relaxed, and that includes the children. It's not a bloody Barratt show home.