OK have been meaning to start this one for a while - what are you insouciant about re yr kids?

[Clary]

Sorry for silly long word in the title. I really mean, what do you let go and think is OK that others might not. I am convinced we all have sthg.

For example, a pal is a lovely mum and really caring but once carried more children in her car than there were eseast for. I would never do this.

Another really really lovely caring mumsnet type mum who makes her own bread and loves her lovely kids to bits and does all kinds of imaginative stuff with them but passes on shoes.

Another is lovely too, shoes always nicely shined, house is clean and tidy, children very polite, ride bikes, read well etc, but are fed total crap - and refuse any brown bread, salad, fruit etc (at least that's all the kids were ever given at playdates there).

So what's your thing you just don't think matters? I'm not after judging (tho no doubt this will go that way) but interested.

Tp show I mean it, here are mine (I have 2); 1) I let my kids lick out the cake mix bowl (the car friend thinks this is unacceptable). Raw eggs, schmaw eggs. Am I putting their lives at risk?

2. I am a bit casual about illness. If DD is sick (she often is) but not really ill, ie she throws up then asks what's for lunch and goes and runs round in the garden afterwards, I don't wait 48 hrs to send her back to school.

See, I told you I was a bad mother!

The birds and the bees. Mine have a pretty good idea of how babies are made (7, 5 and 3) which led to a chat about sperm over dinner last night and ds2 once famously announced to his preschool teacher that he'd seen the cockerel putting its penis inside a chicken to make a chick

I'm strict about adverts - they don't watch TV channels which have ad breaks. Plenty of time to be brainwashed into buying crap they don't need when they get older

Oh and handmedown clothes. WTF is the problem with them? I have a cousin who is constantly strapped for cash. I gave her a bag of nearly knew, freshly laundered and ironed baby clothes when her ds1 was born. She returned them all unused because she wanted to buy everything new and has continued to do so ever since despite an overdraft and a monthly struggle to pay the bills

can't be arsed:
brushing hair
tidying up

hardline:
bedtime
brushing teeth
washing hands after loo

flannels
spit and tissue does the job just as well especially as ds2 looked permanently like Paddington Bear

ie black nose

oh i love flannels
can't beat a boil wash

I think I'm pretty relaxed (or should that be lax) about most of the things mentioned here.

I am a bit hardline on clothes being ironed for school or going out (not going to the park type going out), hairbrushing in dd's case, sunblock, being polite especially to strangers, shouting and fighting, being on time and and not bellowing "don't like" before you've even tried something new in the food line (in ds' case).

Almost everything, now I come to think of it.

(bundle, could you kindly check yr email)

I am lax about licking out the bowl (part of the cookery experience!), dirt, illness.

I am slightly fanatical about bedtime ( I like my evenings!), fitted shoes, snacks when out (don't like fruitshoots as they make ds horrendous, but will happily let him have crisps etc on tha odd occasion)

I am fanatical bordering on the obsessive about sunscreen, seat belts, thank you letters, and general manners.

DS doesn't seem to mind ... (poor thing doesn't get much choice though)

I like the kids to look tidy, ironed clothes, clean shoes and no food stuck to there face etc.

Im strict on dd1 saying thankyou, please and being polite.

A bit slack on illness, germs and what they eat, i try to get 5 a day into them as much as i can but they do drink fruit shoots if we are out (for the simple reason they come in bottles that dd1 can drink out of)

Dd2 eats off of the floor, eats bugs and anything else she can lay her hands on (she seems healthy)

Dd1 was measured for her fist pair of shoes, dd2 has never had shoes fitted. (keep meaning to get it done)

It has never crossed my mind not to let ds lick the bowl - it's his favourite bit of cooking!

He doesn't bath everynight, although now he has got the idea of the shower, it's more frequent. I am fanatic about fruit and veg consumption, although I do let him have chocolate, crisps, cakes in moderation - and he knows that there is a certain limit to what he can have - e.g., not certain types of sweet/ice lolly etc. Food that is dropped gets picked up. Only in dire circumstances is illness pandered to (he is nearly six and has had one day off school and one dose of antibiotics in his life). Calpol/nurofen is used as required. Television is watched, but not usually alone - ie usually dh or I are with him. I am keen for him to only watch age appropriate stuff. I have been very clear with him from an early age about the evils of advertising - that people put Madagascar/Spiderman etc on yoghurts that are rubbish to make children moan to thier parents to buy them, and I won't be doing that (this can make him sanctimonious in the supermarket though).
School shoes are Clarks, other shoes are from wherever. Clothes from ebay have been worn. I am however very keen on car/home safety, manners, sun screen, organic food, bedtime, reading books, helping with chores, not putting non food stuff in mouth. Fizzy drinks are only ones that have carbonated water added to them (eg apple juice with perrier or equiv)

We all make the best way we can!

I think we probably all

casual about illness (though I get flashbacks if they have proper fluey symptoms)

Casual about household dirt (they have never had a stomach bug

I let them climb stuff. They are boys, the need to climb stuff. Had a row with another mum once because she seemed to think climbing a tree merited an ASBO...

Am rabidly keen on politeness though!

Havent got past the cake bowl bit as am in shock! Why make cakes without the licking of the bowl? My kids would rebel and often talk about just making mixture and never bothering to bake it.

I was thinking I dont have many rules but they are not allowed to swear if there is another adult present or within hearing otherwise I dont really care.

They do eat a reasonably healthy diet and I wont let them eat loads of chocolate.

I also make them tidy their rooms and earn their money.

I never ask about homework they just do it nor do I fuss about illness or practising their instruments. I let them choose what they wear (apart from some shockers from my youngest dd of 8) and dont comment when oldest dd rolls up her skirt and generally doesnt wear her school uniform correctly.

Mine go out without coats even if I think its a bit cold but they insist they don't want one (have coats with me for when they turn blue and start saying I'm cold mummy).

Didn't rush them into potty training - they were both well over 2 and a half.

Don't make my DS wash his hands after he's done a poo. I wipe his bum so I wash my hands! This will change when I can get round to teaching him to wipe himself!

Both children have had nits but it hasn't filled me with abject horror. Get great satisfaction from combing them out - bit like squeezing blackheads.

Was quite keen to stop breastfeeding actually. Did 12 months and 9 months respectively.

Have left both kids in the car outside a shop when just popping in for couple of minutes.

Still allow my DS to come into bed with me at night if he wakes up. Kick DH out to spare room, too, not enough room for 3 of us in the bed.

However

I would never give my kids grapes in a supermarket ... because all fruit and vegetables need to be washed or peeled.

Can't bear "no added sugar" drinks for children.

Really don't like TV on all the time.

Am fanatical about them doing some sort of physical activity every day.

Insouciant about:

• hairwashing (ds hasn't had a hairwash for months - it's not worth all the screaming and he looks/smells fine)
• cleanliness
• illness (the 'another flippin' cold from nursery' kind)
• tv-watching (but only 'good', age-appropriate stuff and I am quite fussy {some might say snobby...] about what constitutes that))

-co-sleeping

Fussy about:

• bedtime
• manners
• food that's actually food (most of the time)
• snotty noses

Ooooh, a veritable symphony of parentheses!

I'm slack about absolutely everything I've decided. Manners, safety, dirt, bedtimes, everything. As for licking out the bowl, it (along with reading bedtime stories) is one of the key reasons I had children.

And my ds called me 'a big scary were-mummy' the other day when I bellowed at him about stuff.

Oh yes, am also totally insouciant about all these supposed paedophiles who are perving at my naked/dressed children all day long.

Don't care about
Washing hands
Leaving Dcs in car at garage
Sausage rolls
DVDs in car
Dirt/germs

Care about
No sugar drinks
Too much TV
I HATE PLAYDOUGH

Also don't care about if my DCs have clothes on or not

I am uptight about a lot of things, but insouciant about:

children coming into my bed / sleeping in my bed

children breastfeeding for as long as they want

not doing academic stuff - learning letters and things - ds doesn't know the alphabet and I am not really sure how he has learnt to count

bathing although recently cracked down a bit when I realised he did actually smell quite frequently

hygiene although cracked down a bit on handwashing before meals

gender stuff - don't care if he wears a feather boa or a tutu or wants to carry a dolly around