OK have been meaning to start this one for a while - what are you insouciant about re yr kids?

[Clary]

Sorry for silly long word in the title. I really mean, what do you let go and think is OK that others might not. I am convinced we all have sthg.

For example, a pal is a lovely mum and really caring but once carried more children in her car than there were eseast for. I would never do this.

Another really really lovely caring mumsnet type mum who makes her own bread and loves her lovely kids to bits and does all kinds of imaginative stuff with them but passes on shoes.

Another is lovely too, shoes always nicely shined, house is clean and tidy, children very polite, ride bikes, read well etc, but are fed total crap - and refuse any brown bread, salad, fruit etc (at least that's all the kids were ever given at playdates there).

So what's your thing you just don't think matters? I'm not after judging (tho no doubt this will go that way) but interested.

Tp show I mean it, here are mine (I have 2); 1) I let my kids lick out the cake mix bowl (the car friend thinks this is unacceptable). Raw eggs, schmaw eggs. Am I putting their lives at risk?

2. I am a bit casual about illness. If DD is sick (she often is) but not really ill, ie she throws up then asks what's for lunch and goes and runs round in the garden afterwards, I don't wait 48 hrs to send her back to school.

See, I told you I was a bad mother!

Brangelina just how old is your DD? I think your 6 is optimistic - mine is not yet 3 and has just hit the "pink" stage in a big way. I never buy her pink clothes, although she does wear quite a lot because of gifts/handmedowns.

I pass shoes on and buy them off ebay. They do also have proper Clarks type shoes and Lottie even has shoes made for her by the NHS!
But inbetween shoes and wellies - ebay and pass downs.

I don't fuss them too much at all when they fall down and they are lucky if they get picked up! I've seen the damage a fussy parent can do every time a kid has a tiny stumble!

I'm really chilled about illness. I don't make a song or dance out of it but then so far no real serious illness in our house.

I let them play out in garden without me.

I try and leave them to sort out their own battles before I step in.

TV goes on once a day at least for a bit.

I am not very quick to apply suncreama nd certainly don't think abiut it when it's cloudy like some people I know.

I don't worry about a bit of dirt and don't fuss if they drop something in the gardena nd then pick it up to eat it again. I've been known to pick up a peach from under the table, pick off the cat hair and give it back to them!

I don't freak when my childminders dog licks her face.

I don't rush them into the bathroom to wash their hands before every meal.

I'm basically very chilled. I'm a bit of a 'bit of dirt won't do em any harm' and 'they'll only do it once, they have to learn for themselves' kind of mum.

However i am a stickler for

• good manners

and -eating well and healthily.

• I never ever give them sweets or chocolate and they only drink water or milk.

Bozza, you're not unique - we do the bouillon thing too. Do you cubes of jelly - especially when theya re half dissolved?

I am positively Victorian about age appropriate tv and films, but let mine play out alone and go to the shop and letter box alone.

I am amazed my children have survived to the ages they are at all when I read your lists. Cos I get worked up about none of that stuff!

Of course the other old nutshell is leaving them in the car when I go into a shop - been there, done that a million times, can I have a badge now please?

It would be easier to say what I get worked up about, an actually there is quite a list there too:

homework,
music practice,
doing as they are told (I dont go for democracy in my kingdom!)
not getting the hosepipe out the minute the snow melts (mine seem to nag for hosepipes and paddling pools from March onwards but I have an old fashioned fret about catching chills)
getting places on time - I abhor lateness
Ummm- there must be some more. Someone start a new thread and I will think about it. Off to clean a bathroom now!

She's 20mo. Oh God, 3???!!! I was hoping to stave it off until at least 6. Mind you, she was looking at the shoes in Zara yesterday, and the ones she picked up were ALL PINK!.

I like good manners, but let some language slip through (from ds1 age 7) eg fart, arse, balls, etc. I like them to have good food, but fruitshoots and McDonalds have their place. I don't like kids to watch too much tv, but the 7 yo has one in his room. Ds2 has worn some of ds1's old shoes. My kids have never had a nightly bath, mostly 2-3 times a week (dare I say, depending on how many times we've been swimming!). But ds1 is the best little boy I know for washing hands after the loo. Now for the big confession: I have never, ever done bedtime stories. I'll read plenty with them during the day and we go to the library regularly, but I don't do the go to bed to have a story thing. I know, I know, I'm a wicked mummy.

Right what I am strict about:
no fizzy drinks
eating good healthy balanced meals most of the time (savoury mince, jacket potatoes and purple sprouting brocolli/carrots tonight)
bedtimes
carseats
manners
sun cream and/or hats

She is not 3 until 15 May and keeps going on about pink things all the time.

Oh another strict one from me:
staying at the table until everyone has finished
TV

PMSL at FIS saying she washed dd's hair and finds a mat underneath of dry hair! That reminds me: dd came out of swimming lesson yesterday with hair so matted I could not brush it and so left it until getting home so I could take a comb to it. At home, forgot her hair. Remembered again when she went to bed, but she was already in bed so i decided to leave it until this morning. This morning, forgot again. Told dd to brush her own hair. She didnt do it at all. Now, half way through afternoon, I am reminded that dd needs her hair brushing by reading FIS's anecdote. So I am not off to clean bathroom - germs will have to stay there another day - I am off to start WW3 on dd's hair. listen out for the screams anyone living in the northern hemisphere!

I'm actually not going to put down some of the things I do as I can't be bothered to defend them! And picking food off the floor and even the pavement is really the least of it!

Aloha, you are a very relaxing person to spend time with from that pov!

My dd doesn't know all her colours (she turned two in FEb) but the first one she learned was PINK!
I don't mind. Ds has Aspergers, and I really appreciate that dd picks up on social cues so easily.

Thanks Dino! I can honestly say that none of my friends has ever shocked my by their laxness! Naked kids, fruit shoots, ebay shoe, chocolate...bring 'em on!
Neglect is a whole different thing.

at Aloha and her "social cues" positive slant (although I do appreciate the serious side also). I asked DD what present she would like for her birthday and she said "some pink flip flops".

I am fairly relaxed about most things. My dd's wear second hand clothes, something that horrifies my MIL, They never wear a vest, again something which horrifies my MIL, I'm fairly laid back about bedtimes, dd2 sometimes falls asleep before dinner and I carry her to bed without waking her up to eat, dd's usually choose their own clothes and I don't care whether they match or not.

I am strict about sun cream (especially for dd1 who has very fair skin), wearing their hair up for school (had nits too many times), seatbelts in the car and good manners especially when out.

Oh dear, I had thought I was just a normal Mum till I read some of these lists, now I'm concerned that I have some degree of OCD as I've realised I might be the least insouciant MNer on the planet . Think I need therapy...

Should probably just add that I have no issues whatsoever with second hand clothes (DD3 wears clothes that all her siblings have worn and she is 4thDC)and licking the cake bowl though, so maybe I'm not that bad after all.

Oh we hardly ever do vests either. But I do have sweaty children.

ah you see MI I titled the thread with you in mind.

I know you share my views about handing down clothes (I delight in the fact that DS2's huuuuuge wardrobe is almost entirely handmedowns). Why my colleague does not do it? I have no idea. Maybe she likes to spend unneccessary (IMO) money. Maybe it's about storage. (she is very tidy) Who can say.

Food, clean clothes every day, bath every day, matching socks, sleeping in clothes, time spent watching TV (slight guilt after few hrs), fun fairs, stair gates too, mucky faces/hands/knees/clothes, sweets, housework and errrrrrr life.

Oh, and I do slap sunscreen all over them. But I just can't be arsed to be souciant. La vie, you know, she is courte.

should also add that i have almost completely given up cleaning d's face unless it'really bad... although i have started wiping her in the morning before playschool as i noticed the first thing her teacher did every morning was wipe her face for her

I am a bit fanatical about bedtime - but that's only because I like my evenings!

DS3 did not have a bath from September 2006 until March 2007 and I remained heroically unflappable about that.

Yes, but the flip side of being fierce about bedtimes is being Hopeless about Child's Needs, I find.

Unless this is an unexpected area of competence.

Hopeless about Child's Needs, c'est moi, vraiment!