Whats the funniest thing you've heard a new or soon-to-be parent say?

[ninipops]

This might well come across as a bit sneery or patronising but its not meant that way honestly!

My DSis is due her first baby soon (6th baby between my sibs 3 of which are mine) and during an email discussion between us sibs recently she made a comment about wanting 'to be able to concentrate on and enjoy the first few weeks of being a parent'. DH & I both read it and instantly burst out laughing - not meant in a patronising way but more because we know all too well how the first few weeks of sleep deprivation etc etc can be somewhat challenging. The idea of having any option other than to concentrate on that new bundle just really caught my funny bone.

Anyone else - or is it just me being a bitch?!?!

You're not being a bitch. You're laughing at yourself if anything. I had some stupid opinions and was quite judgy of other parents until I actually had my own children.

My lovely friend has said that it was important to get the nursery decorated (even though baby sleeps in your room at first) because all the baby stuff will be living in there.

Tries to think of a single room in the house that doesn't have child clutter in it and fails.

An acquaintance couldn't wait to start a family as she was looking forward to having extended maternity leave and having a rest.

My friend seems to think that after her baby is born her figure will just snap back like before and had bought a whole new wardrobe for after baby. Little does she know how this isn't going to happen. I think I see what your sister means though... could she not be talking about wanting to have the first few weeks with baby and not having to get up, housework done, washed and dressed for lots of fucking nosey pests visitors.

Well, I don't think what she said was so silly. I remember, days before my dc1 was born, meeting a knackered-looking woman with a 5-day-old - and her dh and their dc1 - on a steam train. At the time I thought "Wow, what a supermum!" Now I think "What a shame she had to trolley around with the piston-heads, instead of snuggling with her new LO."

Dh and I really enjoyed a magical 'babymoon' with dc1. Just us, no visitors, no pressure, just bonding and learning together. We were not able to have that with dc2&3!

But to answer your title, the daftest things I heard was

"I've read all the books. I know exactly want to do."

Yes dear.

I think what she said is reasonable. It's more alarming when parents to be expect they can carry on as before except with a baby in tow.

I think it's lovely that she wants to focus on her new baby - it is precious time, even though you are sleep deprived and befuddled.

I think what your sister said is ok - and I have two with a third on the way. The baby is a tiny little baby for such a short time and I absolutely loved (especially with the first baby, not so much with second for obvious reasons) just lying on the couch with baby lying on top of me sleeping. Not getting dressed, or putting on makeup or doing anything much except enjoying this little person.
I've seen new mums trying to entertain visitors and going out shopping with tiny bundle in tow. Getting dh to do jobs outside the house and discouraging visits or keeping them short left me lying in bed sleeping with my baby.
Funniest thing? Thinking the baby is going to adhere to a routine straight away.

My gorgeous Dbro and Dsis in law. Don't want any visitors for the first couple of weeks so that they can get baby into a routine.
:)

An old friend of mine thinks she will be able to relax and sunbathe in the garden whilst newborn sleeps soundly next to her, she is looking forward to relaxing!?!?!?! oh and she plans on decorating the whole house........on her own......on mat leave whilst looking after soundly sleeping baba! I laughed to myself when I heard that, I have a fairly easy going baby but they need attention a lot lol!

"we're not going to be those parents whose lives completely revolve around their child, the baby will have to fit in with us"

Righto. Good luck with that when you have a newborn.

"we're going to have a routine and get the baby sleeping through early, because we both really need our sleep"

Righto. Let's hope the baby has the same ideas as you.

(many DHs) "I'm going to get all that DIY done while I'm on paternity leave"

Hahaha

Was just about to write minipie's first one. Makes me laugh when I hear this.

Many of my friends are pregnant or just had babies and some of their status's are just so naive. I sigh a little bit when I read them as life just doesn't work like that.

"I will not be co-sleeping at all"

"I will breastfeed as it will be so much easier and convenient"

" There will be no toys in the living room"

All said by me prior to PFB.

My DH: 'I plan to go to the gym a lot while on paternity leave'

Me: 'I'm going to get the garden sorted on maternity leave'.

Fools.

Luckily I didn't say it out loud, but when my friend said she hadn't had a full night of sleep in 20 months I thought 'I won't be putting up with that!' I thought I was going to Gina Ford and have a sleeping through baby by three weeks.

I need hardly say that it didn't really work out that way.

I remember talking to a friend of a friend who was planning to use her mat leave to start a new business. Needless to say, she didn't.

Oh god - I was going to do some dog training.

Wtf?

I don't know, I took a year's mat leave, my dd slept a hell of a lot and I did get all the garden done, and did a college course. I found I had bags of time, in fact I was bored sometimes.

I loved the first few weeks. I didn't understand when people kept saying 'it's crazy isn't it? Such a blur. The panic... etc etc'. My baby didn't cry for the first 3 weeks. He fed and slept and cuddled and it was bliss. He's much harder work now at 5 months!

I had a few weeks of 'what the hell have we done?'. Went from a full time job I was very good at to a 24/7 job I was terrible at.

Comment from SIL - I think I'll cope ok in labour - I've had loads of Braxton Hicks and I just breathe through them.

Bah ha ha ha ha! I politely nodded and smiled and said 'well it's good to get some practice in'

She (wisely) had an epidural after 30 hours of labour...

Anyone who plans to enjoy it, frankly. New babies are hell.

It isn't anything like ante natal classes made it out to be that's for sure. I think they should get a new Mum in to tell everyone what it's actually like.

I told family I wanted to get home and settle in for the first couple of weeks too, didn't say the routine thing but that I wanted to chill with bub.
I was bliss untill the 2 weeks were over and the all knowing mother hens muscled in to show me how to make my life difficult do things properly.

"I'll get next years Christmas stock made whilst the baby's little"

Me. No you won't love

"Oh yes, I'll definitely breast feed-I've seen a dvd the mw gave me and it looks very straight forward"

Me again. Oh no it isn't

"I really don't know why people make such a fuss. It's a tiny baby. How hard can it possibly be??"

Sadly, me also

lol Teabiscuits!

I was like that at my pregnancy yoga class. 'Thinking of the yellow ribbon will be all I need'.

"I wouldn't let a small child sleep crawl into bed with us, it leads to bad habits"

Said by me - I co sleep

"Yes whenshewas you just put the newborn down and it sleeps that's what they all do"

Said by friend when her dc1 was 6 months old. Err no dear you just got really lucky with your dc. Dc2 has arrived and is putting her straight on the newborns just sleep notion she had.