Whats the funniest thing you've heard a new or soon-to-be parent say?

[ninipops]

This might well come across as a bit sneery or patronising but its not meant that way honestly!

My DSis is due her first baby soon (6th baby between my sibs 3 of which are mine) and during an email discussion between us sibs recently she made a comment about wanting 'to be able to concentrate on and enjoy the first few weeks of being a parent'. DH & I both read it and instantly burst out laughing - not meant in a patronising way but more because we know all too well how the first few weeks of sleep deprivation etc etc can be somewhat challenging. The idea of having any option other than to concentrate on that new bundle just really caught my funny bone.

Anyone else - or is it just me being a bitch?!?!

DP said the morning after DS was born that having a baby has made him a better person and he's going to do all the ironing from now on.

I think it lasted a fortnight.

Me: 'I'm just going to lie in bed for two weeks with my lovely twins and learn how to breastfeed and get to know each other.'

I cannot emphasize enough how much this didn't happen.

oh yes, how could I forget DH's classic:

"how hard can it be?"

"I don't have any sympathy for people whose toddlers misbehave in restaurants - my DC is immaculately behaved and he's only one."

"Just 3 more weeks and it'll all be over and I can have my body back."

-> recent FB status.

Hmm. I did a full reno on my mat leave and lots of other stuff in that 6mths - it was pretty relaxed despite sleep deprivation. Not sure ypu can generalise, my friend finished med school in her first baby's first 6 mths!Think it depends how full on your work is....

"I will never let my child watch Peppa Pig in the morning"
Fast forward to realising it's one of the few places that they will sit still while you get dressed for work.

The one thing I am never going to do is take my kids into the loo....

That was me.

I can't wait until she's 12 weeks and she starts sleeping through... co-worker

I won't be bring baby to bed with me regardless of how much he's up - That was me i'm now into my second year of co-sleeping

The TV is not a babysitter - A friend until she was pg with dc2 and could hardly stand up by the afternoon

I could go on all night!

Haha!! Me saying to my mum that while on ml I'd gave do much time that I would paint the house, eg skirting boards, doorframes (as still waiting for dp to do it) needless to say it didn't get done, how wrong was I!!! It's only now that things are a bit easier but it's now time for me to return to work

Right, we renovated our whole house while I was on maternity leave and I also bought new post-baby clothes in the same size as before. So neh. Although other things here, not so much.

I was never particularly judgy about children which was lucky. The only thing I am ever remember having a little laugh about was a friend of ours and her birth plan. We were both pregnant at the same time and mine (out of some kind of awareness that these things can't really be planned) said something like "please don't cut me, please don't cut me, please don't." Hers had a playlist, particular candles and lighting, details of pool hire. We agreed she was definitely going to end up having an emergency c-section.

Hang on, "no toys in the living room". I was going to get a nice blanket box and put everything away into that each evening.

On dc2 now and have just built an extension with a new living room in it for DH and I after we started to drown in toys and blankets and stuff. Currently there is a child's bike in my old living room the playroom. A bike.

After my 'no toys in living room' prior to PFB this was our living room rug for about 6 months 2 years later....

What she said sounds fine to me, just sounds like she wants family / siblings to leave them in peace for first few weeks.

Also we did do lot of what's mentioned above. Both ds's slept well and throught night from 10-12 weeks. We would spend many weekends outside on picnic rug reading in summer with baby asleep in between us, and I was in regular clothes after 1 week. We also took both travelling at 8 weeks old for longhaul backpacking 6 weeks abroad. They have fitted into our lifestyle. So would sound normal if someone mentioned

After SIL had pfb I took 4 novels to the hospital so that she had something to do.

Before I had dc1 I remember genuinely being confused about why new parents complained about being tired all of the time: "Why do people moan dh? Baby's sleep all the bloody time!"

Ha!

Tbf, random, once I had two children I tended to say the same thing. Newborn babies (most of them) are a doddle and do sleep all the time but for some reason you don't see it quite like that with your first.

Artandco you do realise you were incredibly lucky, right?

A colleague of mine was going to write up his PhD while he looked after his baby daughter.

Also my colleague who is 6m pregnant with twins (I also have twins) and wants to wait until "nearer the time" to get car seats, cots etc. I keep wanting to say "you are near the time! They're twins! They would come any time!". I was the same, I was totally relaxed until about 20 minutes after they were born when it finally dawned on me that I was actually going to have to look after them. Both of them. At the same time.

Ooooh, me,me,me as in I said:

Baby will sleep through from 2 weeks. Laughs hollowly at 15.5month none sleeping toddler.
Baby will be in own room from 6 weeks. Yep finally moved over at 6 months.

Best saying I ever heard. "You're a brilliant parent until you have children"

" I don't believe in dummies " - me ( ha ha ha )

" I'm going to try reflexology and aromatherapy for my labour pains " - a lady in my antenatal class. I've often wondered how long it took her to start screaming for drugs!

'Am only taking a week's maternity leave (as a dr's receptionist) as the baby will sleep in a car seat under my desk!'

Said baby is now 11 and Mum is still not at work!

My house will always be tidy while on mat leave. After all I'll have nothing to do all day.

No, I'm different. I will snap back straight away.

Why wouldn't you breast feed?

I'll sleep when the baby sleeps

All me...

Oh and I was going to brush up on my Spanish and learn polish... And get an a level. The only reason I hear any Spanish is fucking dora.

Mini - maybe but babies 4 and 5 (4 months) are currently also following same pattern so maybe it's not all luck.