Whats the funniest thing you've heard a new or soon-to-be parent say?

[ninipops]

This might well come across as a bit sneery or patronising but its not meant that way honestly!

My DSis is due her first baby soon (6th baby between my sibs 3 of which are mine) and during an email discussion between us sibs recently she made a comment about wanting 'to be able to concentrate on and enjoy the first few weeks of being a parent'. DH & I both read it and instantly burst out laughing - not meant in a patronising way but more because we know all too well how the first few weeks of sleep deprivation etc etc can be somewhat challenging. The idea of having any option other than to concentrate on that new bundle just really caught my funny bone.

Anyone else - or is it just me being a bitch?!?!

Just on the flipside I have had some awful (and unprovoked, I wasn't talking about babies) comments from one person I know.

Other parents took me aside and told me she was exaggerating.

E.G.
NO mums ever lose the weight/get to wear make up unless they neglect their child (I said nothing about weight, I honestly don't really care).
You won't be able to wash for 6 months or have a shower.
You can't co-sleep (sleep disorder, it's not safe, I semi-sleepwalk i.e. thrash around) so your child will be neglected and you won't be able to BF

...and so on.

And there is NOTHING I can say back because I know she can say "but I'm a mum and you're not" even though all the other mums are rolling their eyes.

"I will not be co-sleeping at all"

Yes. I am a pregnant woman.

Who CANNOT co-sleep for safety reasons. Laugh away... better moses basket hell for me than an ambulance because I've thrashed in my sleep and injured PFB in a few months. :( This is one thing I've felt a lot of pressure off MN about.

Amy I thought "Of course I'll eat with DS" and had idyllic thoughts of me giving him a bite of his food and then me taking a bite of my food - we have that. Only that DS takes a bite, then offers his toast to the dog who takes a bite, then DS takes a bite..

Sorry squizita, I don't really understand your point.

I mentioned something I said when I was pregnant that I now laugh at because DS sleeps in our bed for a couple of hours nearly every night.

I'm laughing at myself, not judging or commenting on anyone else.

I had a wife of a friend telling me stridently for over two hours about how her pregnancy had gone so well because she would not let anything get in the way of her joy. PMA she said 'positive mental attitude' and rattled on and on.

Haven't spoken to her since....and everything on her FB status is whiney moaning negative stuff.

Sorry Eagle it's just it's been mentioned a couple of times on here not just you. I picked the wrong example as yes, you were talking about yourself.

Also I actually posted on another thread for advice about how to cope with night feeds and kind of got a "are you suuuure you can't?" tone from several posters, made me feel awful. :( No I wouldn't feel it was safe: I've busted DH's nose once chasing rabbits like a sleeping dog basically so for me it will be a crib at the end of the bed.

I laugh at the things my friend and i said when we were both pregnant with our pfbs.

"i'm definitely having a natural water birth" - 2 weeks overdue and i was strapped to a bed with an epidural (bliss)

"My child will not have any sweets - i really don't like having them in the house" fast forward 6 years - "yes you can have those haribo just let mommy have some peace and quiet for 5 minutes"

My little boy will only have healthy pureed fruit and veg when weaning - not a jar in sight" - yeah just yeah!!

The best was the first day i came home with ds and when it was time for bed i just popped him in his crib thinking he would just drift off to sleep nicely and stay there nice and quiet until it was morning/feeding time. wow can't believe how naive i was!!! ended up co-sleeping with him until he was 1!!!

I think the only ridiculously unrealistic thing I did was buy a copy of The Feminine Mystique as I had "always meant to read that"...the reality involved breastfeeding for hours in the middle of the night, every night, whilst watching box sets of One Tree Hill.

I don't think wanting water births, natural births, and minimal intervention is unrealistic as such...it's more that you can't really know in advance.

momofmonster. 8 NCT girls all but me had planned a naturl water birth.. I had an ELCS.. Of the 7 that planned a water birth, none ended up with one. 5 ended in EMCS and two had forceps and one if those ended up with 4th degree tear.

I am 7 months pregnant and whilst I am not making any grand pronouncements publicly, my OH and I do favour "we definitely won't make a rod for our own backs by . Plus planning a lovely overseas weekend away for his 35th when little one will be 4 months and obvs sleeping through perfectly...!

I know, I know.

A woman I know who 'informed' me that my child was crying because he was under stimulated (at 6 days old) and that the best way to raise a child was to make sure they did at least 2 activities a day and never spent any time at home.

Hmmm LePetitPont - "boob as dummy" is nonsense, babies breastfeed for food and comfort and there's no way of knowing which with a newborn. At least you're self aware that you're being a bit ridic.

A woman who has never been and doesn't plan on ever becoming pregnant said to me (after she was well aware of my extremely traumatic birth and emcs) that a woman who has such a birth has bought it on herself. It doesn't need to be painful. It's mind over matter and if your mind wants that baby to come on x day using x method and taking x amount of minutes to be delivered, that is what will happen. We just need to train her thoughts. I told her this simply wasn't true. She went on n on. In the end I had to tell her she was a dick and having lived through it (just) I know that isn't the case...

Can you tell we have been brainwashed by reading the Baby Whisperer, galvanised?!

squizita I never co-slept with any of my three when they were babies. DD has slept with me a few times when she's been ill but was probably 3 the first time. What I am trying to say is that it is perfectly possible not to sleep with your newborn

LePetit are you making sure you get the 'You' in the EASY routine??? (I bloody loved that book!!)

To my DM & DH when pregnant: "I'd like a magazine subscription & iPad for Xmas please , I think I'll need them for my mat leave when I've got some down time or am bored sitting I cafés drinking coffee"

Have yet to have any down time. Or be bored in a cafe- my DS tends to sleep better when he's moving so a cup holder for my pram would have been more appropriate!!

Dirty, actually i think ipad is a good tip. When bf its ideal as books and magazines neee both hand - and make noise turning pages. I found my ipad mini a godsend ! Cup.holder on buggy is mighty useful too....

Ok so i was one of the idealistic natural birth hopefuls... altgough i was prepared that it might not work out. I listened to hypnobirthing recordcings. Before i had the baby everyone glorified in telling me how painful and awful it would be.

Had a natural birth , no pain relief and it was amazing. Not a serene water birth but a shouty animalistic very primal experience! I know i was fortunate though

From me..
"Well of course, I know all about newborns having been a nanny for 15 years, how different can it be"

I persuaded DH that it would be an investment to get a poncy leather expensive changing bag as I could use it as a 'weekend getaway' bag once the DC were older....weekend getaway?!! I should be so lucky. Just returned from Butlins with all our worldly goods in Aldi bags for life.

I guess every parent is different and every baby is different. Also people can be quite different parents to what you had perhaps expected they´d be. No doubt your sister will find some things easier than you did, others more difficult and others the same. After my first child I went straight back to work and felt physically very similar to how I had before, with my second I was still lolling around after 2 months of leave and wishing I could go on an extended holiday! I wish your sister every success with her birth and her new baby. No doubt you have some lovely times ahead with your new niece or nephew.

If I need a c-section I won't have any pain drugs cos want to move around ... True story

I have a lovely friend who is about to have her pfb. I have had to hold my tongue as I think she may be being a tad silly about a few things, but it is definitely not my place to say.

Her dd is only going to have wooden toys, no plastic.
Her dd is never ever going to sleep in her bed.
She is going to have no problem bfing, it is going to be easy.
She will still have just as much time for her and her dp and her sexlife won't change.
She has also asked me to look after her dd when she will only be a couple of weeks old and can't see a problem with this.

I have decided that it's best she works these things out on her own, but will be there to support her!