Whats the funniest thing you've heard a new or soon-to-be parent say?

[ninipops]

This might well come across as a bit sneery or patronising but its not meant that way honestly!

My DSis is due her first baby soon (6th baby between my sibs 3 of which are mine) and during an email discussion between us sibs recently she made a comment about wanting 'to be able to concentrate on and enjoy the first few weeks of being a parent'. DH & I both read it and instantly burst out laughing - not meant in a patronising way but more because we know all too well how the first few weeks of sleep deprivation etc etc can be somewhat challenging. The idea of having any option other than to concentrate on that new bundle just really caught my funny bone.

Anyone else - or is it just me being a bitch?!?!

[Thurlow]

Me and a friend, who is also a mum, were talking to a pregnant woman at a wedding at the weekend. Pg woman was talking about how she was just focusing on having a positive attitude during the birth and how that would surely get her through most things.

Friend and I were just nodding and smiling

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a positive attitude gets you through a hell of a lot of labour. It just isn't the be all and end all.

But you really can't share your labour story with a 30w pg woman unless you had the baby within 6 hours and 4 pushes...

[Galvanized]

thurlow what more can she say though? Better to say she'll have a positive attitude than tell you her whole detailed birth plan with candles and music I would've said the same as her meaning I'm going to go with the flow, what happens happens.

[Happy36]

koothrapanties

Well our two children have never slept in our bed, our sex life didn´t really change or our time together as a couple and I went back to work full-time straight after my son (first child) was born and left him with childcare. So your friend may get some - or all - of her wishes. However, we didn´t plan any of that before they were born, it was mostly down to good fortune. We didn´t really have any plans apart from hope that the baby, and we, are healthy, and the big issues like a roof over our head and food to put in our mouths. However some people love to feel well prepared. Whatever happens I hope your friend has a positive experience with the birth and baby.

[treadheavily]

How will I know when I'm in labour?


HAHAHA

[Koothrapanties]

Happy that's the thing exactly. She has got such rigid ideas about how it is going to be, I fear she is setting herself up for a nightmare time. All I have said to her is that I found it best to go with the flow and take things as they come. She is so so lovely, but I am not sure she realises just how unpredictable babies can be.

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

My former boss signed up to do an executive MBA while on mat leave.

She did it as well. But afterwards had the good grace to admit it was the stupidest thing she'd ever done.

[CheerfulYank]

My dear best friend is still childless and often says things about her future child's toys being confined to his/her bedroom only, and things like "well the baby will just have to sleep through as I'll be working and can't go without sleep."

My other good friend lucked out with her DD; she's a very good sleeper. She didn't understand my DD, who did not sleep more than a 4 hour stretch for almost a year. She insisted that my cosleeping was to blame, even though that was the only way my DD would sleep at all for nine months.

She's due with her second now and if he's not a naturally good sleeper it's going to be interesting...

[Happy36]

Koothrapanties I wish your friend - and you - every success.

I guess deep down we 're all feeling envious, grateful and wistful about NOT being new parents...

[Smoolett]

Tread I wondered that...
Wont worry about it next time...

[Thurlow]

Galvanised - oh, she definitely believed that a positive mental attitude was all that was required for a birth - a bit hypnobirthing to the extreme, if you know what I mean?

[MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom]

The woman opposite me on induction ward was very 'smug second-time parent' when I told her I wanted to avoid epidural. She told me to have it in as soon as they broke my waters, and well before they put the drip in. And that having my waters broken would be agony, and I wouldn't be so sure about not having epidural once labour got going.

It was great going to the postnatal ward afterwards, when she asked me if it was hell and 'wasn't the epidural such a relief', when I told her I had paracetamol just before my waters were broken, and didn't have an epidural.

(should say, I have nothing against epidurals and no problem with people who have them, but I think she took advantage of the fact that I was a young mum and was very smug in the way she said how much it would hurt)

[Notso]

SIL- "feeding on demand is ridiculous, the baby will feed 4 hourly. If it cries in the meantime I will just ignore"
9 months late and a bottle being shoved in DN's mouth at the slightest murmur.
"Mine will sleep, I won't be fussing them at night. The baby will be in it's own room from day 1"
DN at 15 months still wakes up, BIL is sleeping in the spare room and SIL tried controlled crying for 30 seconds and is now eternally guilty.
"We won't need to move things away, she!ll learn not to touch. All I will have to do is look and she will just know to stop. It's all in the eyes, I won't even have to say no"
DN don't touch those, no I said stop. Let go, no now your hitting mummy and touching, listen N.O these.are.not.for.touching, stop now, no...erm...ok just have them for now then"

Me at 19 with a newborn DD- "I'll be one of those cool, friend Mums when she's a teenager"
DD is now 14 and it is safe to say I'm not

[KumquatMay]

This is so us - when DH and me talk about having kids I am always reminded of the phrase 'the only perfect parents are those without children'.

DH came out with an absolute corker the other day (he is super-tidy and I was trying to explain that he'd need to get used to coming home to a less-than-perfect house)...

"I think children are just an excuse for messy people not to tidy up"

[Wadingthroughsoup]

Brilliant thread! I particularly liked:

"we're going to have a routine and get the baby sleeping through early, because we both really need our sleep"

Yeah, 'cause the rest of us aren't that bothered about our sleep.

[ChickenFajitaAndNachos]

My pregnant SIL said " I don't think tiredness will be a problem as when I was at uni I used to stay up late and go to parties or do coursework".

[OutsSelf]

Ha ha, I was going to write a novel or something, but as that turned out to require me moving of the sofa to sit at the computer, I actually didn't get round to it.

I did have no intervention water births, which were very nice as far as the most painful experience you can ever have plus poo can be very nice. I would have taken intervention in a heartbeat and without a regret. I don't think my PMA was the deciding factor in my uncomplicated births, I think it was mainly due to the absence of any kind of medical emergency that allowed them to progress smoothly and quickly.

[honeypie10]

I didnt really say much stupid until I had to write out my Labour plan (Does anyone really read it at all??).

So queue me explaining to Dp what i'd written:

Id like a Water Birth, now listen Dp, When im in labout you shall be my voice for me as I will be unable to speak probably, I dont want any drugs, if the midwives come in with drugs you have to speak up for me and say no she doesnt want them. All she needs is to go in the birthing pool with the essential oils mix she has, We were ever so serious but what did we know.

Then I was in slow Labour for 4 days, in the worst agony known to man, not even sleeping in all that time, going back and forth to the hospital, each time in more, worse pain than ive ever felt, I eventually broke down in the corridor begging for any drugs they could get their hands on screaming cut it out of me you bastards, after they refused a c section . They kept me in that day and gave me an epidural - bliss.

Dp often reminds me now though of that serious day. We'll be mid arguement and he'll just go all whispery voice "You have to be my voice and ears for me in the delivery room, Im not to have any drugs..... it always gets us talking again!

I got my own back when the first night we came home with tiny ds, I went off to bed while he stayed up to get ds into a routine, his friend had told him the importance of getting a child into a routine, he forgot to add it would be better when the child was a bit older than 2 days!

[drspouse]

As an adopter, I love the "Wish I could have this baby so I can get some sleep" FB statuses.
I thought I was going to sell all my backlog of craft items on my last leave. I still think I'm going to do that this time round (even though I only have two days of nursery care for the toddler).

[sherbetpips]

Its awful when you have been through it especially if you meet a preggers lady when your little one is just coming out of the horror stage. They sit there all smug about how lovely its going to be and before you know it you have been blathering on at them about the reality of childbirth and children and everyone is looking at you like the devil incarnate for being such a cow. Best mate's wedding. Not a good move.....

[HappyAgainOneDay]

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom

What that woman said about pain and waters breaking made me laugh. I was out shopping with a neighbour when mine broke. It wasn't a big waterfall - just trickling into my sheepskin lined boots. No pain at all. I walked home with my neighbour and I spent the rest of the day with the trickle still flowing, wearing a towel kept in place by a pair of my DH's Y-fronts. Baby born next morning.

[Sleepyfergus]

Me - pre the birth of dd1, I imagined I would loads of time to do up the garden once the baby arrived.

Yeah right!

[dilys4trevor]

A friend, 6 weeks before her due date, posted on FB:

"6 weeks until I can go to the gym. 6 weeks...."

Everyone PILED in (nicely though)

[dilys4trevor]

Also, "We'll only have wooden toys that fit with our house."

[Tangoandcreditcards]

I was absolutely convinced I didn't really like babies and would be indifferent to DS until he could talk.

He's 5 months old, growing up far to fast for my liking and I'd like to apologise to the lady in the pub at the weekend whose newborn I was shamelessly coveting.

[Mybigfatredwedding]

Meh, both our kids have just fitted in with us and life certainly does not revolve around them all the time. Yes obviously things are not the same as before, but this idea that your life has to change beyond all recognition is not necessarily true.

Mine were
'No child of mine will ever have a dummy' (yeah right).

'Why wouldn't you breastfeed for at least 6 months.......' What a dick I felt breaking open the formula at 3 weeks!

'I don't want my child to watch too much telly' - to be fair DS didn't really watch TV (as in specific cbeebies etc) until he was well over a year. Poor DD is a different matter........