Whats the funniest thing you've heard a new or soon-to-be parent say?

[ninipops]

This might well come across as a bit sneery or patronising but its not meant that way honestly!

My DSis is due her first baby soon (6th baby between my sibs 3 of which are mine) and during an email discussion between us sibs recently she made a comment about wanting 'to be able to concentrate on and enjoy the first few weeks of being a parent'. DH & I both read it and instantly burst out laughing - not meant in a patronising way but more because we know all too well how the first few weeks of sleep deprivation etc etc can be somewhat challenging. The idea of having any option other than to concentrate on that new bundle just really caught my funny bone.

Anyone else - or is it just me being a bitch?!?!

[readrunraverelax]

My sister and a friend both said on separate occassions that they had puppies and puppies were harder than having newborns!!!!!

[MothershipG]

read I hope you pointed out to them that if they leave a baby in a crate/cage whilst they pop to the shops Social Services are likely to take an interest?

[Rollermum]

I told the lovely pregnant lady who bought some stuff from me to come at 11 as my DD would have woken up by then (from a nap). She said it must be nice to have a baby that sleeps so late in the morning.

I said:
'I will use maternity leave to get fit' Idiot.

'I definitely will not cosleep'. Ha.

And no, the TV would not be used to enable me to cook dinner / shower etc.

[eagle2010]

I said:

"I'll never co-sleep"

"I'll never let my baby fall asleep on the boob"

"We'll be in a routine by 6 weeks" (hahahaha!!')

One of my pregnant friends has booked a trip (sans baby) to New York for when her baby is 5 months old. She says she doesn't want to spend all her maternity leave on the baby.

[Heartsandspades]

A heavily pregnant friend recently wrote a Facebook status about feeling fed up and achey etc. underneath she commented 'can't wait until he is here so I can get my life back to normal'

[Thenemesisofthevole]

Me: 'I don't want to have an epidural.' Hmm. After a very bad reaction to my induction and 9 contractions in 10 minutes I would have done the epidural myself!

Me: 'I'm going to cook all ds' food from scratch' - Nope.

My friend: 'I'm going to breast feed the baby every 4 hours from birth: that way they will get used to it and not want to feed at night. ' That hasn't really worked out and she now uses a sling most of the day and co-sleeps.

[Lj8893]

sister and a friend both said on separate occassions that they had puppies and puppies were harder than having newborns!!!!!

when my dd was about 2 weeks old my cousin bought her new puppy round. Her puppy was much harder work than my newborn!!

[Opinionatedbugger]

Oh but there's that instant bond isn't there? Ehhh no sorry to burst your bubble but with my first it was a few weeks before it sunk in that she was actually mine.

[Passmethecrisps]

Yup opinionated! I remember thinking at about three weeks in that if someone came to the door saying that his was a trial that I would have to think quite carefully about what to do.

The lioness bit came later

[LittlePeaPod]

Teabiscuits

We have a bottle sterilising machine. I remember getting really really irrationally angry with DH when DD was first home because he opened the sterilising machine after it had just finished a cycle (steam still pouring out of machine) but we were not making bottles for DD. I actually said "now the bottles aren't sterilised and I have to do it all again." First time mum paranoia gone potty!

Could I add though, I said I would never co sleep whilst pregnant and I have never co slept (DD is 6 months). I have no issues with co sleeping just wasn't right for us. Also, regarding the friend that purchased new clothes, I was back in my pre preganncy jeans (size 8/10) 31 days post DDs birth. So it can happen. I am a gym junkie though

[LittlePeaPod]

That shoul have been Teabiscuits at the BH comment...

[Eastie77]

Before going on ML I told a colleague - a mother of 3 small children - that I could not wait for my 'year off' and planned to write a book whilst looking after the baby. I also informed her that I planned to sharpen up my cooking skills and use the free time I'd have to try out new recipes. I showed her the cookery books I'd ordered from Amazon.

She didn't say a word, just smiled at me and gave my arm a little squeeze.

[Adikia]

from my rather naive friend:

'I'm going to stay really calm during labour and play whale music so it won't hurt at all'

from SIL (who is TTC):

'my child will never embarrass me in public because they'll have more respect for me that that' said after DD told her and FIL very loudly about the new 'gigantically huge' white knickers I'd bought that made the perfect sail for teddy's cardboard box boat tbf, they did make a brilliant sail

I'm not sure I said any, as a teenager I had 5 siblings under the age of 5 and had my first baby at 15 so my ambitions went as far as 'my baby will be fed and clean' anything past that was a bonus.

[hartmel]

"As long as my baby is healthy I don't care what hair colour it has as long not red" well you can guess what hair colour DS has...

"We will not spoil DS with a lot of toys" - he is 10 month old, has two jumperoos, walk behind walker, learn to walk walker (the sit in one) toddler slide, baby pool, mega block (two different styles) and a lot of smaller toys. And the list goes on

"I will NOT copy my mom and have my kids closer together in age" - DS 10 month old I'm 25 weeks pregnant with DD (DS will be almost 14 month old when dc2 arrives.) my mom had DS first then 13 month later DD (me)

[hartmel]

"I'm going to donate all my cloth as I don't fit in them any more" - before getting pregnant I gained weight due to some medical issues. Day after birth I was in size 9/10 before and during pregnancy size 16.. Good thing DH didn't allow me to donate my size 9/10 cloth..

[AmyByTheTrain]

Not to change the subject, but the funny thing about this is that several months into parenthood, I still end up thinking some silly things, it's just those things change.

For example, in the weeks leading up to weaning, I overheard the HV at the weighing clinic give the "how is weaning going?" talk to parents. She asked if they ate with their children and I was surprised at the hemming and hawing she got in response. I thought "Of course I'll eat with DS" and had idyllic thoughts of me giving him a bite of his food and then me taking a bite of my food and us having a lovely lunch together.

Fast forward a few weeks and I understand. When we first start eating, he's hungry and gets upset if I don't get food into his mouth as fast as he can open it. Then, he's not hungry and doesn't have patience to stay in the high chair while I eat, even with finger foods or toys to entertain him. So I often end up eating after him on the lounge floor while he plays in front of me

Or after starting weaning, I read threads here about people's woes because their LO would only eat certain things--usually yoghurt. I smugly thought "DS has eaten everything I've given him so far."

Of course, now after several weeks of handling lumps with ease, he decided it's time for a yoghurt and no-lumps phase.

Will I ever learn?

[BauerTime]

The one i keep hearing lately is if a baby isn't crawling by 6m 'i dont think he/she will crawl, they will probably just get up and walk'.

WHY?????

[HolyDrinker]

"My mum and dad are moving in with me for the last two weeks of my pregnancy, in case I go into labour while DH is at work (45 mins away) and need to rush into hospital".

I pointed out that, in all likelihood with a first labour, her DH will not only have time to return from work, but also to go back in the next day, do a whole days work and then come home again before baby is born.

[eagle2010]

HolyDrinker :)

[Queazy]

Sparklingbrook - you basically summed up my early experiences - I couldn't believe I wasn't a natural mother! I counted on motherhood vibes snapping in as soon as DD was born

I love comments such as, 'I don't believe in pandering to your baby', 'I don't believe in babies sleeping in your room'. Oh believe. It really does happen. It probably will to you too Hilarious how many people told me colic isn't 'real'. It may be a mash of different symptoms, but again it's not a figment of my bloody imagination!

[Sparklingbrook]

Queazy I was going to be amazing I really was. But I was rubbish!

Nobody tells you that you will be sat there 3 weeks post birth sobbing wearing a bra made of cabbage because BF hurts too much.

[LoveVintage]

I bought half a dozen classic novels which I intended to read during maternity leave.

I bought a cross stitching as I had visions of sitting serenely doing this with my baby sleeping by my side.

I did not get a full nights sleep for five years. My dcs are now teenagers. The books are unread. The unopened cross stitch kit went to the charity shop about ten years ago.

I am not the earth mother I thought I would be

[BrianButterfield]

A colleague and I (me with a small child, colleague a mother of three) we're very polite to the pregnant visiting teacher who told us she was going to use maternity leave to update all her schemes of work. I do wonder how much she actually got done...

[AllHailTheBigPurpleOne]

Me whilst 8 months pregnant and talking to a friend who was about to move to our town:
Oh great we can go out. Obviously it won't be for a while until the baby sleeps. Not for the first six weeks or so.

My mum snorted I to her tea but said nothing.

didn't get a sleep through for 15 months and then I made the mistake of crowing about full night's sleep on Facebook and for the last week dd has stopped doing it.
I am an idiot
Hahahahahahaha!

[GingerDoodle]

Im sure people good a good giggle when I said

I would be throwing my husbands annual (Halloween) birthday party when DD was 3 weeks old

I would probably continue commuting (W. Sussex - London) with my husband when he went back to work (DD was 2 weeks old) as it got me out of the house.

I did both....and still do that latter now (she is 22 months! I put her walking stability down to having lots of time on trains lol)

I did however plan to refurbish our rabbit cage whilst on mat leave - carpal tunnel in both hands put pay to that...