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Parenting

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Original poster

Whats the funniest thing you've heard a new or soon-to-be parent say?

241 replies

ninipops · 01/07/2014 23:09

This might well come across as a bit sneery or patronising but its not meant that way honestly!

My DSis is due her first baby soon (6th baby between my sibs 3 of which are mine) and during an email discussion between us sibs recently she made a comment about wanting 'to be able to concentrate on and enjoy the first few weeks of being a parent'. DH & I both read it and instantly burst out laughing - not meant in a patronising way but more because we know all too well how the first few weeks of sleep deprivation etc etc can be somewhat challenging. The idea of having any option other than to concentrate on that new bundle just really caught my funny bone.

Anyone else - or is it just me being a bitch?!?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey · 05/07/2014 21:23

Ha ha to thread - sparkling I had the same notions ha ha -

My baby will never have any fast food.

I will make all my baby's food from scratch (ha ha ha ha ha )

I am going to manage dp properties in all my spare time (ha ha ha)

^^^ all me !

Where the fuck has the past year gone!!!!!!

cosmicnibbles · 05/07/2014 21:34

@mummybeerest

A friend shortly before her pfb arrived - 'we're going to go to all the festivals this summer with the baby'

cosmicnibbles · 05/07/2014 21:35

This was a July baby btw.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

shebird · 05/07/2014 21:47

Elaborate birth plans with mood lighting, candles and whale music and the famous 'we are not going to let having a baby change our lives' line. Yeah right

TodaysAGoodDay · 05/07/2014 21:59

Funniest things are from SIL pre-PFB:
'How hard can it be? Baby will just come along to work with me'
'I can't wait to relax on maternity leave'
'Having two is easy, just get them to sleep at the same time'

And from my brother:
'I'm going to start an OU degree when we have PFB, after all they sleep for most of the first 6 months don't they?'

cosmicnibbles · 05/07/2014 22:02

todays when I was pg with dc2 and terrified of how I was going to cope, a friend helpfully said the same - just get them to sleep at the same time! Easy.

It hasn't quite worked out like that.

TodaysAGoodDay · 05/07/2014 22:06

milkwasabadchoice · 05/07/2014 22:18

Just back from hospital with pfb, me freaking out, in tears with anxiety.

Dh: "it's ok, my love, we don't have to be perfect parents, we just have to be ... [grasping at straws] ... hygienic."

Still makes me laugh when I think of it.

MothershipG · 05/07/2014 22:23

art I'm sure you don't mean to but you're coming across a little smug and even if your easy DC are down to your fantastic parenting skills I'm not sure that this thread is the one to rub our noses in it tell us all about it.

Perhaps you could write a book and share the secret? Because the rest of us patently aren't nearly as good at this parenting lark as you are.

HauntedNoddyCar · 05/07/2014 22:38

"You just tell them No!" when talking about about how to stop toddlers vandalising everything.

HumphreyCobbler · 05/07/2014 22:43

You still get lots of people saying that with children. They are the ones who have children that works for. Not mine though

Some one said that it isn't authoritative parents that make well behaved children, it is the well behaved children that make authoritative parents.

Degustibusnonestdisputandem · 05/07/2014 22:45

I was never going to use dummies! First night with DTDs in hospital, one with me, one in SCBU; I get a call from SCBU, DTD2 is screaming the place down, and could we please give her a dummy?

minipie · 05/07/2014 22:47

ah, glad it's not just me mothership

I'd love to hear your secret too art. What clever technique did you implement that all us silly parents of demanding non sleeping children didn't think to try?

enormouse · 05/07/2014 22:49

Me in a similar vein to noddy
"We don't need to child proof. We just need to be vigilant and get DS1 to respond to a firm no"

DS1 will climb everything, open doors and at 2 has the fine motor skills of a 4 year old. We now have toddler proofing designed by former engineer FIL.

Spottybra · 05/07/2014 22:49

My bf saying that her life wasn't going to change- it hasn't.
Same bf that she would sleep train her baby - she did.
Baby/child would meet all the milestones at the right age - she did.
Bf is very strict which I don't understand because she's the most carefree and spirited woman out of all of us.

The rest of us on the other hand in our group of friends understand sleepless nights, BLW, its just a phase, and 'doing it in their own time'.

CultureSucksDownWords · 05/07/2014 22:50

Artandco, you do realise that your experience is not necessarily typical. 1 week after my DS's birth we were still in hospital and getting back into my pre-pregnancy clothes was not even on my radar. Now that isn't going to be the case for everyone, but for a fair few, with the rest having a range of experiences better (or worse, sadly) than that.

I do think you are either very lucky, or just an incredibly amazing person and parent. If it's the latter, then please do share your secrets so we can all benefit.

Passmethecrisps · 05/07/2014 23:10

I was going to be a water birthing, BFing, reusable nappy using, baby led weaning superstar who was also never going to use dummies and never have the telly on.

That was not how it turned out.

Thankfully I don't think I was smug and largely I kept my thoughts to myself.

It still makes me blush a bit though.

My real shame is still to come though as I had no idea what toddlers were actually about and I have that to learn right now!

animaniac · 05/07/2014 23:23

Artandco, it must be wonderful to be such a perfect parent.....

HeyMicky · 05/07/2014 23:25

A dear friend has just told Facebook that her 10 week old DD is crawling She also rang me after about a week asking when she could expect her to sleep through

Didyouevah · 05/07/2014 23:26

I'm pretty sure spottybra's mate is art? No - there can't be more than one surely?

Galvanized · 05/07/2014 23:28

"We won't say no, we'll save no for serious danger"

That was us. Then we had an early crawler and walker who gets everywhere, so no has been used many times a day!

Hakluyt · 05/07/2014 23:30

My glorious, wonderful niece said to me when she was 6 months pregnant and I had 15 and 10 year olds "oh, but you say that- but you haven't done the reading"

LynetteScavo · 05/07/2014 23:38

To quote myself;

"I won't be one of those mothers who won't leave their baby with anyone...I'll just leave my baby with anyone and just go off carry on with my life."

Oh, how DH has laughed quoting this back to me! And how very wrong I was!

DSIL to me "Why are you worried about leaving your 3 month old DC 3 with your older Dsisters, who are both mothers for an hour? What could possibly happen?

Six years later, same DSIL made my DB drive a round trip of 200 miles to collect their 6yo who was about to have sleepover at Granny's because DSIL was feeling worried. (6yo was absolutely fine!!!)

LynetteScavo · 05/07/2014 23:41

DSIS..."I don't mind what my baby is like...as long as they don't have red hair."

Guess what colour hair her DC have?

LynetteScavo · 05/07/2014 23:44

Also to quote me...

"How expensive can children be...loads of people have children"

And

"Giving birth can't hurt that much. Women have been giving birth for millions of years, and lots of women and big families."

Naive doesn't come close....

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