Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Only Child - Pros and Cons???

179 replies

McRobb · 01/07/2006 15:41

I have a beautiful DD who I love to bits. The big question is what are the pros and cons of her being an only child. Both my DH and I have brothers that we love but don't see that often so just wondered how bad it would be if we didn't have another?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
jabberwocky · 02/07/2006 14:21

This is a lovely thread about only children. I like it so much I keep it on my watch list.

Snafu · 02/07/2006 14:24

You're not doing us Croydon girls any favours, mamaof6.

Funny how threads like these bring out the rudest and most ignorant responses in people.

Pixiefish · 02/07/2006 14:26

Funy how boring Sunday afternoon's bring about these types of posts...............

is that the von trapp family I can hear singing in the background

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Littlefish · 02/07/2006 14:27

Just to add an different point of view to the "lonely" issue: I am the middle child of three, but have felt lonely for much of my life. My mother was very ill for most of my childhood which caused great anxiety and stress between my siblings and me and has let at times to us being estranged for several years at a time.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that the issue of loneliness is not necessarily the preserve of a single child. Far more important, in my experience, is the role of the parent(s) in providing any child with a secure and stable home environment which will enable them to form positive and genuine relationships with friends and family in the future.

Snafu · 02/07/2006 14:28

Ah, have just had a look at her other posts. You carry on, sweetheart. The heat gets to me that way sometimes too

Littlefish · 02/07/2006 14:28

"led at times to us", not "let at times to us" !

noddyholder · 02/07/2006 14:31

Selfish?I have only 1 child and have agonised over this at times as my health has been the only obstacle to us having another.BTW I think you are selfish giving your kids those names

Pixiefish · 02/07/2006 14:33

noddy- don't rise to it. The trip trapping gets annoying but don't get upset

CADS · 02/07/2006 14:33

I repeat

"Don't let her bait you! She is looking for something to kick off on MN! You just have to look at her other posts to realise it."

That applies to you too Noddyholder

Chandra · 02/07/2006 14:37

PMSL at her other posts! .

mazzystar · 02/07/2006 14:42

As a child being an only was great for me, our family was a happy little trio. But my DH is also an only, his parents divorced when he was 10, his mother became very depressed, alcoholic and eventually committed suicide. His dad died not long after. He had to cope with so much, in his late teens, all alone.

We are lucky that we have a strong network of friends who are our "urban family", but we are doing our utmost to make sure that our DS has some real siblings to squabble with, hang out with, learn from, and generally care about.

Furball · 02/07/2006 15:01

I have actually been called cruel to my face by a neighbour for only having one. err right! Whats it got to do with her?

expatinscotland · 02/07/2006 18:52

I have actually been called cruel to my face by a neighbour for only having one. err right!

How incredibly rude!

There are MANY people who for one reason or another, are not able or chose not to have another.

For them, a blessing is just that.

Why can't people just live and let live?

Who's damn business is it how many kids someone has?

threebob · 02/07/2006 20:10

Okay on the death issue:

My Grandma is 90, my dad only get's on with 1/4 of his siblings, neither of them live near Grandma - the other 3 moved her, changed her bank, her home, her funeral arrangements, everything. My Dad is devastated - will these siblings provide anything for him emotionally when she passes? Yes, lots of agro.

My dh is the eldest of 3, my SIL lives on the other side of the world and my BIL is unstable. Will he get any support when they pass? - yes from me.

Mog · 02/07/2006 20:50

I've got three but when I was the mum to an one I was calm, energetic and full of the joys of motherhood. I hope this doesn't offend but I think it's a whole different ball game parenting one. There just isn't the stresses of squabbling, sharing (including sharing mum), learning life isn't just about you, all sorts of life issues.
So I think you can exalt in being probably a more efficient parent if you have just one while also being aware that siblings help a lot with rounding out a personality and that other avenues will have to be provided for this.

expatinscotland · 02/07/2006 21:03

'learning life isn't just about you'

i've met countless people who were not onlies who behaved like this, though.

i don't think it has anything to do w/having a sibling and everything to do w/how you were brought up.

NotAnOtter · 02/07/2006 21:12

i have 5 and would like more.
I like a quiet calm home life aand do still attain that for them all.
I give them all love but do find that with one child in particular i have to make time to talk with him each day because of feelings that maybe he is missing out.
My children span 14 years so far ..I am daily in awe of their relationships with one another - how much love the big ones show the babies. I feel the bigs have matured emotionally HUGELY compared to those who have not experienced the birth of a sibling when over 10 years old.
I do not have time to give them all huge amounts of attention as an individual. I dont feel this is bad just different. We work as a group. I get letters thrust under my nose about a school trip and pay for it - make the pack up for it and pick up the child from it. I DO NOT talk to the child about it....a few words(seriously) in amoungst the bedtime routine. My baby is only 19 weeks so i hope it will get easier.
My siblings ( i have 3 sisters) have been a great disappointment to me. I am determined that our lifestyle and the way i bring tem up will mean my children will not be such to one another.

RTKangaMummy · 02/07/2006 21:20

ROSIEMUMOF4

IMHO your comments are really upsetting and horrible and show you up for being a very ignorant woman

My DS is on his own because he is a surviving identical twin, his elder twin died soon after he was born,

After that I had a miscarriage

Now if you think that your larger family is TOO GOOD for your darlings to associate with him

I really feel sorry for them and the way you are bringing them up

And I hope that I never meet anyone so horrible as you and hope my DS never does either

Pixiefish · 02/07/2006 21:27

Kangamummy- if you're referru=ing to the woman from croydon please don't let her upset you. I'm sure she was trolling and hasn't been back since this afternoon when she was outrageous on other threads. No one in their right minds thinks that. Please don't let a troll upset you xxxxx

2OldSofty · 02/07/2006 21:29

I'm 1 of 5 siblings. We sort of tolerate eachother, although we do muddle through, but can't bear to be too involved or close. (My Mum was an only child, so made up for it - or hated TV)

DH has 2 x DD's from 1st marriage, we now have DS 10months. Do you think SS's count as siblings? There is a 17yr age gap.

expatinscotland · 02/07/2006 21:31

'Do you think SS's count as siblings? There is a 17yr age gap.'

Why not?

Besides, they are not just step siblings if they share a parent.

RTKangaMummy · 02/07/2006 21:36

Pixiefish

Thanks for that

2OldSofty · 02/07/2006 21:36

And forgot to add for Kanga, that Pixie's right - don't let others bait you. Some people are plain horrid. You've obviously been through an enormous amount and have every right to feel the way you do.

RTKangaMummy · 02/07/2006 21:38

2OldSofty

Thanks I was shocked and upset to read that someone on here would think like that

Furball · 02/07/2006 21:38

RTKangaMummy - Rosiesmumof4 is not the woman from Croydon that Pixiefish is referring to.