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Parenting

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Original poster

Only Child - Pros and Cons???

179 replies

McRobb · 01/07/2006 15:41

I have a beautiful DD who I love to bits. The big question is what are the pros and cons of her being an only child. Both my DH and I have brothers that we love but don't see that often so just wondered how bad it would be if we didn't have another?

OP posts:

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mumtoone · 01/07/2006 21:51

My ds is currently an only child and I ponder this question as well. I think he will remain an only child as dh is quite clear that he does not want more children. The positives are that he gets more attention than he would if he had a sibling. He goes to nursery so he is also quite comfortable with not being the centre of attention all the time. I am very happy with the nursery he goes to. If we had another child I would have to find cheaper childcare which may not be as good. My main concerns about him being an only child are in the future when he has two ageing parents and no siblings to share the burden with. The only other issue I have is people constantly asking when no 2 is going to arrive as if it is compulsory to have 2 children.

Tortington · 01/07/2006 22:22

cons......

can't think of any

pros

you retain lots of wealth. and can comfortably afford to send her to university without having to chose which one could go

cat64 · 01/07/2006 22:36

This reply has been deleted

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mosschops30 · 01/07/2006 22:43

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rosiesmumof4 · 01/07/2006 23:21

pros - obvious more money
cons - I find parents of singletons so precious, so pushy for their kids that I really very much prefer not to have them round to play, nor for my children to be too pally with the singletons.

shimmy21 · 01/07/2006 23:54

Blimey Rosie -as an only child myself I always felt the stigma of being an only when I was young, but to actually hear a grown woman (I'm presuming that is what you are) saying she doesn't want her children to be friends with only children is shocking.

What a thoughtless ignorant and stupid stereotype.

Dior · 01/07/2006 23:57

Message withdrawn

Blu · 02/07/2006 00:01

rosiesmumof4, you sound horrible.

FairyMum · 02/07/2006 00:02

I think there are no general pros and cons. There are so many variables in a childs life, it depends on individual circumstances I think.

mosschops30 · 02/07/2006 00:03

Message withdrawn

FairyMum · 02/07/2006 00:10

There are so many singletons around these days. I think half the children in DDs class have no siblings. It is becoming very normal I cannot tell the difference between an only child and someone with siblings. rosismumof4, do you have any rules regarding what the age gap between siblings must be too for them to come around and play? What you are saying about only children sounds toally ridiculous to me!

Snafu · 02/07/2006 09:23

Snort!

Dn't worry, rosiesmumof4. I'd ensure my singleton avoided your gang like the plague too.

threebob · 02/07/2006 09:26

Ds is an only and will be an only.

The only con I can think of is not being invited around to rosiemumof4's house to play.

No, sorry I think that's another pro

WelshBoris · 02/07/2006 09:28

rosiemum- nice.

Bet your attitude has rubbed off on your kids and that they are right little brats.

Id like to type more but am actually too shocked and pissed off

Gobbledigook · 02/07/2006 09:30

Here we go again....

Gobbledigook · 02/07/2006 09:30

roseiesmumof4 is not for real, surely? what a nasty piece of work!

WelshBoris · 02/07/2006 09:32

what do you mean "here we go again"

threebob · 02/07/2006 09:34

rosie - do you have this rule just for parents who have decided that one is enough - or do you extend it to people who have had several miscarriages, adopted, found they were infertile after having the first?

It's just it seem that there are more people with onlies because they can't have more than people like me who don't want more than one, and they may find you a little erm, insensitive, or even smug about your fertility.

LilacWine · 02/07/2006 09:41

i'm an only child and i found it very lonely when i was younger.

Gobbledigook · 02/07/2006 09:45

It's a common 'debate' WB

WelshBoris · 02/07/2006 09:46

that rosie is talking bollox though

Gobbledigook · 02/07/2006 09:47

She doesn't sound pleasant!

Gobbledigook · 02/07/2006 09:47

She doesn't sound pleasant!

CADS · 02/07/2006 10:31

I'm an only child too and found childhood very lonely. Both my parents worked so I was on my own most of the day, especially school holidays. Also, I won't have anyone when my parents pass away to share the grief, etc. As someone said, a brother or sister is for life. Unfortunately, friends, boyfriends (even husbands sometimes) come and go.

I decided to have two, but I will never be able to afford to give them what they could have had if there was only one (one could have had private schooling but not two) and will definitely have to go back to work sooner. Also, ds has been very poorly over the last 3wks and I haven't been able to give him as much attention, cuddles, etc as he needed because I have another to look after.

sparklemagic · 02/07/2006 10:45

my DS is a singleton and we're very happy with the situation....We've chosen to stop at one because we feel DS benefits hugely from our ability to give him all the attention he wants; I feel my DS is a very sensitive personality and I feel he blooms and flourishes because of his situation. He has the luxury of his parents being able to concentrate on his needs and that simply can't be a bad thing!

As he gets older we hope to be able to allow him to develop his interests and talents and we will be able to do this without sacrificing some things for him due to lack of money or time; we will be able to support him to go to uni if he so wishes.

My DS is not at all a big earner and I have had to work at least two days a week since DS was born (and we have not managed financially on this!) relying on my mum who is in her sixties, to care for him. There is simply no way my mum could care for DS and a new baby, she is not physically able to do this so I would have had to use a CM or nursery, both things I strongly do not want; so having another would have changed things for both children in a way I would have hated and most importantly in a way that most definitely would not have suited DS' fragile personality.......

For me, being a mum to one has been such a joy because I feel I can do all I want to do for him; two would be a different matter for me.

I think the main thing of being parents to one child is to remember the advice that while it can be good to have all the attention, it can also be suffocating, specially when things are going wrong for you; my ante natal teacher said it's important to put the telescope up to the blind eye now and again! I think it's a matter of keeping your own interests, your own life so that the only child feels that though they are central to your life, they are not the sole focus. I guess it's a delicate balance.

I also know that some only children will say they were lonely; but I think a parent who is sensitive to the individual needs of their child will find ways to avoid this.

Most importantly McRobb, do what is right for your child andyou and do not let society influence you.

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