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Parenting

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DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

668 replies

GruesomeShellChillingTortoise · 02/11/2010 16:29

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates. Sad
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help. Sad

OP posts:
PixieOnaLeaf · 09/11/2010 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Magna · 09/11/2010 20:20

Good luck tomorrow Tortoise.

ledkr · 09/11/2010 21:49

good luck to you all tomorrow,it sounds like ds1 is reacting to previous situations. I did some training about this a few yrs back and none of the other sw on the course over reacted to similar scenarios,it was focussed on helping the whole family.I can imagine the thoughts you must be having about the future but with carefull and specialist help oh yes and a great Mum like you,it will hopefully be resolved in time to the best outcome for you all.Will be thinking about you.

Interested in this thread?

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TheLadyEvenstar · 09/11/2010 23:29

Tortoise, Thinking of you and DD's tomorrow.

Hope all goes well and stay strong!

togarama · 09/11/2010 23:41

Framey: "I think it's perfectly possible for this sort of thing to happen and for it to be innocent."

Maybe with siblings who are close in age, and haven't hit puberty. I suspect that most of us on this thread would have a different view if we were talking about two 7 year olds but we're not.

Innocent games of "doctors and nurses" don't take place between 13 year olds and 6 year olds. Something is wrong here.

OP is trying to solve rather than ignore a problem in her family. I think she is wise to tackle this head-on.

NormaSknockers · 10/11/2010 10:30

Framey, I am utterly shocked and appalled by what you have said. I can't even put what I want to say into words. I can assure you that people simply do not 'get over' incidents such as this. I think you will find there has been nothing hysterical on this thread, it has been supportive and helpful.

OP - you are doing amazingly well, I wish my mum had listened to me and supported me in the way you are doing for your children. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through but you are showing amazing strength and courage for dealing with this and not brushing it under the carpet. Keep strong.

monkeyflippers · 10/11/2010 13:24

I think that this is actually a very serious situation. You boy is 13 and should know better. At 7 years older then his sister he has the control in their brother/sister relationship so she is likely to do what he tells her as to her he has authority.

I am actually a victim of childhood sexual abuse in a situation that wasn't that different from this. What I would definately say is that if you do not take this extremely seriously your daughter will grow up feeling completely abandoned by you. You are the one who has to stop this and deal with it and I know that is incredibly hard as it is your son who has done it, but the fact is that he has touch her privates and as he is old enough to know better (he doesn't have to be an adult) then that makes it a sexual crime.

I'm really sorry that this has happened to your family and I'm sorry if what I am writing makes your feel worse.

I agree that your daughter should see a doctor (she is probably fine but you should still get her looked at). She is also likely to need counselling. She needs to talk to a professional about what has happened and why and also to prevent her from copying what he has been done to her on another child, not saying she will but just in case, as children that young do learn from what they are taught by their elders and your son has taught her that touching siblings is fine.

Your son obviously also needs a great deal of help to find out why he did it (has someone done this to him?) to prevent him doing it again and to stop this from being something which continues throughout his life.

I know this is terrifying but as a child who had to just put up with it and no one know or did anything, you really do have to take action and a "stern talking to" as one person suggested really doesn't cut the mustard.

I don't actually know what is the best action. NSPCC would be a good idea or GP or social services.

I'm so sorry for you all :(

sparkleshine · 10/11/2010 13:48

Monkeyflippers I think you must not have read through the past 18 pages (following it from the start would take too long) but the OP has already asked and recieved outside help and is currently going through the heartbreaking task of having her children questioned by the relevant people.
But yes I also agree with what u say :)

Tortoise, let us know how your DD's got on today xx

FrameyMcFrame · 10/11/2010 16:20

Thanks to MumsNet for deleting the horrible and upsetting post aimed at me earlier in the thread. When I said the word hysterical it was in reference to that post which has now been removed thankfully. (sorry if that was not clear in my previous post, I certainly don't think everyone on the thread is hysterical).

People don't always have the same opinions. As I said before, something like this happened to me and I have never considered it to be a big deal. (Obviously I know it is wrong and that it should be discouraged but I didn't think it was serious enough to involve the police).
I am quite prepared to admit being wrong on this count and I must say that reading this thread has made me think about what happened to me in a different light.

I've already apologised for the fact that my opinions may have upset anyone but if makes people feel better to keep on bashing me on this thread then go ahead, but I don't think it will really achieve anything.

Whitethorn · 10/11/2010 16:46

FrameyMcFrame - this isnt about you. Maybe you should walk away and leave the thread as what it was intended - support for the OP.
I think the others who were so abusive towards you should also leave, this isnt the place

LoopyLoops · 10/11/2010 17:45

Framey I see that it was my post that was deleted. I have no idea what I said or how it was hurtful or abusive. I'm very sorry if I upset you Framey.
I am here to support Tortoise in the difficult task that she has undertaken so bravely. I obviously reacted harshly to your posts, but I don't believe that you are being helpful or supportive at all, not do I believe that I have been hysterical. If you could PM me and remind me of what that post contained, I could probably provide you with a better apology, but the truth of the matter is, I have no idea what it was that offended you so much.

Tortoise, if you want me to leave this thread please let me know, it can be by PM if you don't want to say publicly. I'm really sorry if I derailed things at all, that wasn't my intention.

If anyone else recalls what my deleted post said, could you please let me know, as I'm genuinely confused.

ginodacampoismydh · 10/11/2010 18:08

dont worry loopy I think I recall post, and imho you didnt say anything wrong, If i remember correctly you may have questioned if preson framey knew had abused anyone else or suggested if his kids reported something to him you would hope he would not ignore it ??but not too sure.

anway lets keep this thread on track.

how did it go today tortoise?

LoopyLoops · 10/11/2010 19:17

Thanks gino.

Yes, Tortoise, how did it go today? Hope you're all OK and that the girls managed to say everything they needed to. Have you any better idea about when they will interview DS1 now?

Take care. :)

Magna · 10/11/2010 19:45

Hope today went ok tortoise - thinking of you

GruesomeShellChillingTortoise · 10/11/2010 22:11

1st chance i have had to post tonight. DS2 has been looking over my shoulder most of the time!

DD's were really good today (DD1 was sick in the car on the way there, travel sick i think.)
Hopefully DS2 will be spoken to on Friday morning. I didn't find out if DD's had said anything different because they had an emergency case that came in to do a recorded interview after us.
Should get a phone call tomorrow to confirm Friday morn.

I feel sorry for DD's because i'm sure they will be asked by friends why they weren't at school tomorrow. I have tried to prepare them to just say they had to go somewhere with Mummy but can't talk about it/its a secret.

OP posts:
GruesomeShellChillingTortoise · 10/11/2010 22:15

Meant to add, don't worry Loopy i am happy for you to stay on the thread you have helped me from very early on in the thread. Smile

OP posts:
LoopyLoops · 10/11/2010 22:33

Have they given you no idea still of what to expect in terms of DS1 coming home? He must be questioning why he's at his dad's. How is that side of things going, by the way?

I'm sure DDs did really well, you must be very proud of them. You remember to take care of yourself too. :)

LoopyLoops · 10/11/2010 22:34

Oh, and thank you Tortoise. :)

GruesomeShellChillingTortoise · 10/11/2010 22:38

No, none at all Loopy. We were sort of rushed out of the police house so they could fit the emergency family in. I hope i can find out tomorrow when someone phones. I want to know if i can see DS1 too. Still not seen him since Sat night. Sad Just want to give him a hug and tell him i love him. Sad

OP posts:
LoopyLoops · 10/11/2010 22:41

:(

I hope they say one way or the other when you can see him tomorrow, this must be very difficult for him.

How is he getting on with his dad? Have you been chatting on the phone? Why can't you see him? That makes no sense. Confused

PixieOnaLeaf · 10/11/2010 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GruesomeShellChillingTortoise · 10/11/2010 22:49

I don't know. I have txt him but only get brief im ok type answer. And that he misses us. No-one has actually said i can't see him but there is no way of me seeing him without girls being with me too.
Hopefully if friday goes ahead i will see him then. XP has agreed to take me in the car with them as i have no transport. (don't really want to be in a car with XP lol!)

OP posts:
LoopyLoops · 10/11/2010 22:56

They are taking their sweet time, aren't they? It's really not fair, but at least he is safe and well with his dad.

Could you ask a friend to babysit for an hour or two while you go and visit him?

Maybe prepare a list of questions to ask when you speak to police / SS next.

Hope you're OK. :)

GruesomeShellChillingTortoise · 10/11/2010 23:00

Not possible to visit him as his Dad lives about 6 miles away. I am doing OK though. Smile

OP posts:
LoopyLoops · 10/11/2010 23:03

Will your ex or a friend not pick you up, just for a quick visit? Seems very harsh. :(

Glad you are OK, hope it doesn't take much longer until things start getting back to normal.

How were the girls his evening?