DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

Just sending you encouragement, Tortoise.

I know it's easier said than done but try and eat something or as penona said keep those fluids - even a cup a soup is better than nothing.

I cannot even begin to imagine what you and your DC are going through but my thoughts are with you - you are a remarkable woman and you need to keep that strength up.

just wishing more strength for the week ahead tortoise.

wrt DD asking to sleep with you, I'd say if she's asking she still needs a bit of security. i don't think trying it on is even an issue here. all she would gain by tryinmg it on is getting to share with you so i guess she needs it.

I think so too about DD1.

She went to bed eventually. I probably didn't handle it very well the 3rd time she came down. Don't have much patience at the moment.
DS2 is finding it all a bit confusing. He hasn't been told much yet.
I hate it when they have all gone to bed. They are a good distraction during the day.

I am eating little bits. I only drink water but getting plenty of that.

I'm sure you don't have much patience and nobody can blame you. just eat what you can, you need to keep your strength up to deal with this and care for them.

There isn't a rule book on how to deal with this kind of situation. You are doing the best you can.

DD1 is probably anxious and just needs a cuddle. Just give her an extra cuddle, remind yourself of your normal boundaries and stay consistent so that they have that normality going on.

I am sure you are missing DS1 and worrying about his future, as well as your DDs. Dont forget to worry about yourself.

Btw, Tort, I have namechanged many many times on MN but we used to speak a lot. I am truly saddened that you are having to go through this. But, you have been through a lot in the past and come out the other side. It wont be easy but you will all get through this somehow.

Just to let you know I met up with a friend who is a social worker today. She has experience of this kind of thing, and said that in her opinion he won't be charged. She said that if you had known and not said anything, then it had been reported to SS, you would have had a pretty poor chance of keeping your family together, but as you are acting in the best interests of all your children, there is every chance that counselling and other therapy will be offered, SS will keep a good eye on things, and provided nothing else happens, all should be OK.
She also said that EX-P should have been spoken to by SS to ensure he knows how to deal with him, and that the idea of frightening him was shocking, very bad practice and should be questioned.
Regarding DS's exam, make sure you have spoken to the school and asked his head of year to ask the teacher or exam co-ordinator to submit a form of mitigating circumstances.

I hope you are OK, try and eat a bit frequently. The last thing you need now is to be ill yourself. Hope the kids are all OK. :)

Thank you MNtotoro an loopy and everyone else.
I'm going to phone SW tomorrow and see if she has spoken to XP or if she will. Also will ring number police gave me earlier to see if they can tell me a day that the interview will be on.

hope the weekend with the girls and ds2 was not too bad and remember to look after your self.

i also very much doubt it if ds will be charged but i also can see it very much depends on what he says when he is questioned.

sorry was about to lose batter power, i was also going to ask what you felt his attidue to all this was, you mentioned earlier that he didnt seem to see that this was wrong or major, i cant remember your exact wording? do you belive that this is a comprehension issue?

the police who question him will be working in the child protection team so will be very well trained and experienced in this, it generaly wont be the run of the mill bobby.

Not too bad a weekend thanks. DD's painted their pebbles and we found a big puzzle in a charity shop which we started making together.
Today was a bit of a lazy DS/PC day which they thought was great!

I'm not sure about DS1 TBH. I don't think he meant to do anything wrong maybe nieve (sp) i don't know. He isn't one of the brightest kids but is well liked at school with teachers and is never in trouble. I hope he comes across in a good way when he is interviewed.

I better try and get some sleep soon! Need to be up ready to take DC to school in the morning.

Tortoise I have followed this thread from the start with huge admiration for you and how you are dealing with such a horrible situation.

I do hope you are getting some real life support from the friends you confided in? Please try to look after yourself, you must eat and try to rest.
You sound a very smart and loving lady who is doing the best for all her DC. I hope you get more clarification from the SW about what will be going to happen this week with DS1.

Wishing you and all your children strength for this coming week.

Tortoise, I'm just another lurker chiming in with support. You've done brilliantly. Sorting this stuff out privately/protecting the perpetrator never works - if your son has just made an innocent mistake, he needs to know that NOW, and he needs to understand how seriously the world views his behaviour. You wouldn't be doing him any favours by letting him believe that things like this can just go away.

But my heart aches for you, how incredibly hard this must be. You're doing a wonderful job.

(And also your username took me aback!)

hope you get some answers today

Tortoise, i have been following your thread and i think you have been really brave and strong. You really are doing the best for all the kids.

I hope you find out more information today.

How are you getting on today Tortoise?

Still thinking of you, hope you and your family are OK. :)

Tortoise, what an amazing mother you have shown yourself to be.

You have uncovered a horrible situation within your family and have reached out to those that can help and support you all in the best interests of your children regardless of the hurt or fear that you feel at what may eventually happen.

If there were more mums like you in the world then some of us need never have experienced what we have.

I wish you and your children all the best in getting the help and support that you need in order to glue your family back together the way it should be.

Thinking of you over the coming days.

I'm not too bad.
Girls have to do a dvd recorded interview tomorrow morning. DS1 hasn't been spoken too yet, they are waiting to speak to DD's 1st.
I can't believe a week has passed since DD2 told me.

Have you been able to confide further to your friends you told? How has your XP been with your DS and did he mention anything to him? Have you seen your DS's?

You are being incredibly strong for all your DC and yourself xx have been thinking of you

sparkleshine Yes i have been talking to my friend. I think Xp has been ok with DS1, but haven't spoken to him since saturday. Not seen DS1 since then either but have text him and he says he misses me but is ok. I don't think he knows what is going on TBH.

thoughts are with you.

I am full of admiration for the way you are dealing with this Tortoise.