DD2 6 just told me something that has worried me...

[GruesomeShellChillingTortoise]

She just said that her 13yr old half Brother keeps pulling her trousers and knickers down and looking at her privates and has touched her(haven't asked her how). And when she is led on his bed he puts her knickers over her head so that his face is close to her privates.
I have just quickly spoken to him (because i didn't know what to say) and he said it was true. I have told him he mustn't do hings like that to his sister and that he shouldn't be looking/touching her privates.

Now i am worried and not sure if i should be doing/saying anything else to either DD2 or DS1.

Please help.

Thinking of you and your children at this difficult time.Stay strong you are doing the right thing for all of your family including your son.

Thinking of you Tortoise and of ALL the children.

tortoise, i just wanted to add my support for you and your family. take care of yourself. i think you have been immensely brave and strong.

DS1 has to stay with his dad for possibly all next week. I can't deal with this.
Sorry, will come back later can't focus on screen.

Hey hey hey, you can deal with this, you will be fine.

Hope you're OK. :)

Tortoise, keep calm. Letting your DS1 stay with his Dad next week will protect him as well as the girls. It will give space for everyone to establish the best course of action, without taking drastic measures in panic.

You can do this; you will do this. Try and treat the next few days like a grim job that you just can't avoid. No-one else is going to do it, and the best thing of all is that SS can see that the children have a Mother who is committed to their welfare.

You should be totally proud of yourself - you have raised children who can tell you when something goes wrong.

I understand it is for the best at the moment but it hurts so much. I guess it is made worse because i remember so clearly when DS1 was taken by a SW to his dads 5yrs ago.

The SW also spoke about the possibility of him being charged which terrifies me. I never thought it possible that it could go that far.

And to add to all the fun, DD2 was sick again tonight! So if DS1 is questioned this weekend i won't be able to go because i could never expect a friend to look after DD2 if she is ill.

Gruesome - hang on in there. I am not very good with words but I can pass a to you.

You are being so strong and there will be more MNers along soon who may have more experience.

Tortoise, I can't imagine what that pain feels like, truly I can't. And there must be parts of you that wish you had just swept it under the carpet, moved on.

You are giving your DS1 the very best chance of a fulfilling future, right now.

You are giving your DDs the best chance of being able to move on without this hanging over them.

You are giving your DS2 the best hope of a whole family for his future.

Do you know, you have been through a lot, by the sounds of it, over the last few years. You are still putting your children first. A lot of mothers could learn from you.

Of course a friend can look after her if she is ill. Don't worry about that, in that situation he is your priority.

It must be really hard and draining, but you are doing exactly the right thing. This was never going to be easy, but this is the best course of action.

What did the SW say about charging him with?

How did the meeting with the DDs at school go?

Has DS seen the SW yet? Does he know he's being questioned? I presume his dad knows the situation. Is he there already?

Sorry for all the questions, just want to make sure we have the facts so we can try and help you.

Have you a friend who said they will look after the other children over the weekend if DS1 is interviewed? This is great. It might be worth taking them up on it even if the interview doesn't happen, either to spend some time with DS1 or to have a breather.

You are doing do well for all your children. You must also think about yourself, and try to go easy on yourself.

:)

if i were you i would not at this point involve your brother he possibly did not really know what to do, or have a clear pictute of whart dd told him, im shocked he did not tell you. it could complicate things at this stage if to many people are involved the important thing is that you know and you have delt with it thus far.

i dont really know what to say about ds staying with xp at the moment, it may be as a breather to see if he opens up to his dad or to give time for further assesment on risk. No matter what happens in the future the priority will be managing risk to all your dcs ds included. You are doing fantastically. You def need someone to look after dd if ds is questioed it is vital to give him your support and show him no matter what is to happen you are going to be with him along the way. DD may be unwell due to stressof what is going on and relife she is now being protected.

be strong and make sure you look after you self.

Your DD2 was really very brave to bring it up with you, then, wasn't she? It was obviously worrying her.

I agree with gino - don't muddy the waters by trying to get your brother to remember right now. If he forgot something like that, he really isn't a reliable source and you don't want him filling the gap to try and appease you. Just let that go for now, the really important thing is that your DD was able to tell her Mum.

He said it was about 3 weeks before he moved out so about 2 months ago. He feels bad that he forgot. But he did tell her to tell me which was better than nothing. Shame she didn't tell me at the time. He asked if i have told our Mum yet. I haven't but guess i should do. Her and my Dad and younger brother live abroad so nothing practical they can do to help.

It is tricky being the weekend. If it weren't Id try and get SS to call exP to clarify how he should be dealing with DS.

HE is his son too, and although he may not be the best influence, he does care for him and will want the best for him.

Regarding your brother, what a bloody idiot. I agree that it isn't worth wasting your time on that at the moment. You have enough heartache, falling out with your brother for being an idiot when you need as much support as possible won't help things.

I hope that you have told the girls how proud you are of them and how brave they were.

I also think that DD2's illness may be psychological. It is quite common for emotional problems to manifest themselves in physical illness. DD2 gets time alone with Mummy when she is poorly, something that she probably needs.

What did SS say about how they want to deal with the girls? Are they being offered therapy? When will this start?

Did you get a change to talk to SS about possibly getting a house transfer?

What is the timescale with the police and SS now? You think there might be a police interview with DS1 over the weekend? What else? Have they arranged to see the girls again?

Have both schools been informed?

How are the DDs this evening? In bed I assume, but how were they after school, apart from DD2 being sick? What have you told them about the future? Have you got any nice plans at all over the weekend? It might be a good idea to think of something lovely for the three of you to do while DSs are away. Maybe baking, or a firework display?

I hope you are OK. I wish you all the luck and courage in the world. :)

tell your mum if you feel she will be a support to you but really thats some thing to consider at some point but not just yet if its a matter of keeping her in the loop. because you dont know your self what the outcomes are.

you have been on my mind so much all day. i just hope you are alright.

Loopy I won't fall out with my Brother. He is younger than me and didn't realise how serious it was at the time.

I did tell DD's they were very brave and they had a treat tonight, although DD2 didn't want hers because she felt poorly. I did wonder if psychological. Funny how it was almost exactly the same time as Monday night.

SS didn't say anything about future stuff. Just they will probably be interviewed (recorded on DVD) next week by the police. I didn't get to talk to her much, the girls were mainly spoken too by the police man today.

All i know is that if there is someone available this weekend, DS1 will be interviewed. No other time scales given as yet.

I know primary know but i don't know about Ds1's school.

DD's seem ok. DD2 is much brighter since being sick. She will sleep in with me tonight. DD1 is on the sofa because she was getting upset about being upstairs alone! Not a good night! lol!

Tomorrow we are painting pebbles which we collected from the beach ages ago! Can't get to any fireworks as i don't drive.

Will have to have a think about Sunday. Might get some sparklers tomorrow if DD2 is upto going out then the 3 of them can do them.

tortoise, i jsut wanted to say well done for getting through what must have been a really hard day. i know tehre are more ahead for you all and i KNOW you have the strength to cope with it all. you have proven taht already. you're children, each one of them, is benefitting from how well you have dealt with this. keep strong, and again, try and get some sleep.

Have a lovely day with the girls and pebbles tomorrow Tortoise. Keep them close and keep yourself busy. We're all thinking of you. :)

Keep plodding, Tortoise. You are all going to feel quite bruised for a while, I think, so be kind to yourself.

OP in your message at Fri 05-Nov-10 21:01:19, you mentioned the name of your son, you may wish to get it deleted.

Thinking of you.

Gruesome....You mentioned Somerset, Shepton Mallet is really good value.

I am a bit concerned that the XP may speak in an insensitive and inappropriate way about this to the DS while he's staying there -- any way to have the social worker approach the XP and talk with him about approaches that might be very counter-productive?

No much to report.
Heard from police tonight. Just letting me know that it should be some time next week that they speak to DS1 (very annoyed they didn't sort it this weekend!) and possibly DD's.
I am worried because DS1 has yr 9 halg GCSE German assessments next week and i don't know what impact this could have on it.

I have expressed concerns to police about XP and how things have been handled so far and also said that i didn't expect things to go as far as they are saying they could go and that i had hoped that DS1 would have been helped not charged in any way. He said it all depends on what he says when he is interviewed and if they feel he was getting some sort of sexual gratification out of it. I have no idea how they are going to work that out from DS1 as he isn't the most talkative child!

I am struggling to eat. Every time i do, i feel sick. DD1 is has been tearful tonight about going to bed. She just wanted to stay with me. I don't know if it is because of all this or just her trying it on!

Can't wait for this week to be over so hopefully we know what is going to happen.

Hello, been following your posts but not written until now, didn't have much to say before. But just wanted you to know, been thinking about you all day today and what an amazing mum you are being.
If you can't eat, try and drink sugary tea or something to keep your energy up, and make sure you get fluids - dehydration is more tiring than not eating.
really hope you get some resolution on this sooner rather than later, so you can all get the help you deserve. No doubt this is all very unsettling for DD1 too, so not surprised she wants to be near her lovely mum.
Try and get some sleep if you can - suspect will be a busy week. Hope you had a fun day today with your DDs.