MN Little Italy 12

[SunflowerNeedsSunshine]

Ciao, hello, welcome!

Franca, i was going to ask you about ds, as you hadnt talked about him for a while i though he was feeling better. You might need an outsider to make you see what is not working within your family, when my family hits a rocky patch i always find it hard to pinpoint the problem. Does he have tantrums, or is he very negative all the time? nSorry i havent' understood properly.

Solrry franca, if you don't want to say anything else, just ignore my post. That's what i do, when i don't want to elaborate.

PENTHESILEIA????? She hasn't been about for ages.....will look in Style and Beauty!

Franca sorry about your ds again - I hope you can get to the bottom of it as I bet you are worried . Good idea about maybe having a chat with the school or as you say the psychologist just to help you as well.
Minirosa is still pooing green and her doc wants to see her as she hasn't put on any weight this week ( Phew that I go to the consultorio so I have a record of her weight as other wise doc wanted me to hire a bilancia and weigh her daily)She is a bit off colour and eating frequently but I put that down to her feeling dehydrated as she is pooing so much.
Gio you have been missed ...you must be working too hard !!

Oh thank you all for your concern .

I think his main problems come from school. From some children at school.
There is a bunch of very lively ones. Verging on the extremely disruptive. Lots of mocking etc (it started with football, "you are weak", "you are a schiappa" etc). I'm ok with a bit of innocent piss taking. But I think some of them are actually quite nasty. Ds has been on the receiving hand of the piss taking. But he also likes the lively one. So he imitates their behaviour . He is thorn, he doesn't know where to stand.
The teachers are very concerned about him, as he cries when he's told off and are trying to solve this matter, are talking to him as well. They are trying to make the children "bond", but some of these children are - apparently - very well brought up by their bloody middle class parents.
I'm very angry.
I do want to have a chat with a psychologist or something.

Yes, where's Penthe? And is Pippi in Italy?

aren't very well brought up. Sorry for the typos.

Rosa, good thing you have a record of dd's weight. Are they still wanting to weigh her every week even now? Boh! I hope the paed will reassure you.

Yes Gio, we miss you! Stop working so hard !

Oh, franca, so sorry about your DS. My DB was a bit like that, as he was the smallest of his year (really looking about 10 til he was 15, now he could be a model though). he didn't like football, and he'd cry when he had to go to his pulcini training on saturdays, so my mum eventually took him out of it as the coach didn't really seem concerned about all the p*ss-taking verging on bullying. likely though there were a few "geeky" boys he got friends with (he hated the academic side of school but love building/techny stuff). He also loved judo, and I think most martial arts would actually benefit your DS, as it teaches self-control, discipline etc.

gio, I know, I work from home and especially in busy periods it's great as I can get on with my job without te constant interruptions you get in the office. My bos doesn't really care, as long as the work is done and they're kept updated. but there's more to what's gone on in DP's office. he's even been told there might be p/t work for him (when never mentioned before!!). there's s.thing fishy, but we'll see.

Thanks sunflower. Our problem is that ds is actually attracted by the liveliest (lets put it this way) children and, in order not to be mocked etc, he models their behaviour. This obviously clash against what we taught him. He knows these behaviours are wrong, and at the same time he wants to be part of the game.

Thanks for listening btw, it's great to put all my thoughts down

Sunflower . It is fishy, isn't it?

Franca about your DS. Children can be quite horrible. I hope you manage to get it resolved soon.

Sorry for being so brief, I'm packing and finishing off a work thing at the same time, with DD in the background asking me how to draw certain letters [explodes emoticon].

It must be so hard when this happens, I feel for your poor DS. No advice as we haven't got to that stage yet but is it me or are small children meaner these days[old codger emoticon]? Obviously not all, but the mean ones seem to be meaner younger. For instance there's one girl in DD's class who is always telling DD her tights/skirt/tshirt or whatever is ugly and she doesn't want to be her friend. At 3yo FFS! Luckily DD's not particularly bothered as she has a large group of friends, but I was a bit . I seem to remember this happening to me at adolescent stage. I agree with you wrt to parents not bringing up their dc properly, but I don't think it's limited to middle class parents.

Got to go as DD is moaning about going in Cbeebies site. Will check in later when it's quiet. I get no peace!

defintitely worth speaking to psycologist Franca if only to put your mind at rest re what you can do. Kids are so nasty sometimes arent they. I have noticed that if another kid wants to join in with ds and his little best friend at the park that on occasions they actually freeze the child out, refusing to let the child join in, laughing together etc. At 2 years old!!!!!!!!! It mortifies me!
Question for you all- do you and your DH's have the same views towards disciplining your dc's? A few incidents have started make me think there are arguments ahead in the Gio household......

excuse crap spelling

Franca, hope things work out. It is hard if you and other parents don't share more or less the same parenting values....

Yes ,Gio, we do discipline in the same way. We sat down and discussed it when ds was little. (and now back to the Myerson thread - the guardian has now confirmed she was the writer of LWT )

What I'm dreading is that ds, in order to be part of the gang, behaves like the gang. I don't want him to be neither vittima or carnefice. FFS, we are fluffy pinko liberals!!!

Gio, no, sometimes me and dh don't see the same as per disciplining. Which is good, as dh is calmer and sweeter than I am. What happened?

Brange at the little girl in your dd's class!

i think it is important for parents to parent in the same way, no? otherwise confusing for kids. dp and myself had no idea how to parent at the beg and spent hours discussing our strategy. lol.

franca is ds allright when he is at home? do you manage to have nice times together the two of you? i find that very important for me and ds, time just me and him, harder now there is dd, but always make an effort. Would love some time to myself. And would love time out the cyberworld. I always have a sense of emptiness when i spend too much time on the internet...Better go and do something productive outside the cyberworld...good luck franca...
Hope Penthe and Pippi come back soon, and Beforesunrise are you still skiing?

Viggo (will you come back? Hpw much time do you spend on the internet?), ds's behaviour is not what it used to be at home sa well. But we still have a nice time together. Me and him, and as a family. He plays beautifully with dd, but mainly as she is very understanding, she behaves like she was the big and wise sister!
Hope i won't be the only one remaining on this thread

Have I bored you all ?

No, you haven't bored anyone.

Viggo, I do agree with you, I spend far too much time on here then regret all the other things I don't get around to doing. I am far more productive when I'm off the internet, shame I have to use it for work!

DP and I don't see eye to eye often wrt disciplining, we're quite the opposite. He does believe in smacking and "big voices" (la voce grossa?), but then when it comes to indulging he's very into presents every day, whereas I prefer there to be fewer material possessions and I don't believe in using violence to teach good behaviour. I do find myself shouting quite a lot though, particularly when I have PMT.

Yes, at that little girl, how dare she make comments about my DD's sense of style, after all, her look is pink princess in sparkly tracksuits, so hardly a paragon of sartorial elegance.

Viggo, agree as well, I was getting to the stage where work, house, ds, dp (not neccessarily in that order), werent getting attention needed due to internet so am being really strict with myself re how much use as I could quite happily spend all day on it.
You havent bored anyone Franca , keep us posted with what happens.
My issues with dp re discipline seem similar to your Brange. Last night was typical, dp came back from work, ds didnt want to eat his dinner as he wanted to play, dp shouted, tried to force him to eat (wtf) and ended up smacking him and confiscating said toys, ds cried himself nearly sick!! None of it worked-ds didnt eat but dp satisfied as wants us to be stricter with ds. Anyway last night dp asked me if i disagreed with him re what happened and I suggested we need to have a talk re a consistant approach with the 2 of us to discipline so we'll see. dp obviously felt guilty as spent rest of eve cuddling and playing with ds.

MMorning all - it is a bit the same in our household actually but now dh takes more of a lead from me. When we had the non eating stage ( I am sure I posted on it) we ignored the not eating - Gio IMO with your ds his dad had just come home so he wanted his attn so he decided not to eat as he knew he would get lots of attn - however he probably only wanted hugs / cuddles from his dad and ended up getting shouted at - not what your ds intended. I find that if dd has just started eating when her dad gets back - I get her down she goes and has hugs , hellos, etc then I make dad come in and sit with her and talk to her ( and only her) whilst she eats - works a treat.
Today dd1 and dh have gone off for the day - under the strictest of instructions to do as if I was there as MIL is also going and NOT to let MIl act on her iniative e.g let dd eat on her own fgs !
Minirosa and I not going as she is still pooing green and wants the boob to poo - was up about 4 times last night between feeds and poos and I don't feel up to a day out. Paed gave me a formula which has probotics and anti diarrhoea stuff in- I was not happy about the formula side of things but she needs help and enterogima ( sp) is doing nothing. They are not bothered about weighing every week after the 1st month but I go to the clinic as a social thing ( don't have anything else for mums / babies here)
Franca I know how your ds feels he wants to be liked but is torn about doing the wrong thing .. Good for the teachers that want to try to get them to bond but I agree about maybe getting a3rd party just to have a chat to him.
DD1 is getting to the co ordinating pants and vest stage and asking how do I look after she has got dressed

sorry, did leave yesterday.
on a bad day i spend probably 2hours (on and off, not in 1 go) on the net in general, and i think that is bad. i am going to try and do it in 2 spurts of 1/2 a day...
i always think the average italian dad is shoutier and more violent than the equivalent english dad who is normally wetter and more of a wimp..but maybe not..

SPUTNIK and everyone. Just saying a very quick ciao from Heathrow. We're coming to Lazio today! Things have been very hectic here hence not posting for ages. I will get in touch with you once we're settled, hope thats ok. Do you still have the same mob? ciao for now

My internet consumption varies from day to day... luckily having both the children at school I don't have to feel guilty for neglecting them . I don't really feel guilty about wasting time on the internet most of the time. After all, I do get more from emailing my friends or reading a thread on mn than actually doing the ironing . Boh!

As I said I'm deffo the shoutier in our household . Dh is calmer and has a sweeter nature than me. We don't smack, although it has sadly happened on a few occasions.
Gio, yes, do have a talk with dh. I know how helpless a parent feels when children refuse to eat (been there, done that ) and I can honestly say - from experience - that getting upset/shouty etc doesn't work.

As per ds today I had a talk with his teacher, who is really lovely, and is concerned about ds not being as happy as he was at school. The conclusions? We can't really figure out what the hell is going on !
As a coincidence next Monday his primary school will hold the first of a series of meetings with a psychologist etc about parenting and children at school. I'll be in the first row!

have a lovely time delgirl

It is actually very sunny, warm and springy today in northern Italy!

ooops, i am here again.
anyway, no it isnt' guilt that i feel, don't think the kids are neglected, it is more that i end up neglecting myself, speak less to real people,don't read as much, don't use my brain, end up knowing lots of useless stuff (like about jade goody for example, i don't want my mind occupie with lots of rubbish and it is occupied iwth lots of rubbish, or with the myerson thing, i seem to know everything about their family now, WTF, i don't knwo them and never will).
AND I NEVER EVER IRON in case i ever gave the wrong impression.
with ds is it a school problem or something to do with the family as well..with ds once we thought he had a school problem, but we managed to find out that it was us the problem, nothing major, but seemed major to him, or was major for him.