So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

I once walked into an interview and one of the men interviewing said "hi..welcome!". And I said "welcome!". Wtf. Did get the job though.

I arrived at my male supervisor's desk as the same time as my male colleague. Both of us there to present a problem scenario we needed help with.

I said 'ooh, have you got a long, hard one?' to him.

Mine was just a few weeks ago. There was a knock on the front door early one evening, I opened it and there was a canvasser for the Labour Party.

I really don't know why I did it, but I came over all dramatic, slapped my hand against my forehead and exclaimed "oh thank god! I thought you were the Jehovah's Witnesses".

The chap laughed politely. I didn't know what to do.

He's now our MP. 😳

Booking my MOT and service. Garage asked for the make and model and my mind went completely blank. Closest I could get was "it's a red one"

Pretty sure that added at least 20% to my bill 🤦🏻

Arriving at a restaurant with then-BF, pre-smoking ban, the waitress asked in a strong foreign accent "smooking or non-smooking?"
I replied "non-smooking" in a way that really sounded like I was taking the piss. BF was howling. I couldn't eat and get out fast enough.

This doesn't make any sense. You would have no need to say either of those phrases.

Me too.

And when being handed coffee:

"Enjoy!"

"You too..."

Cringe

Not quite the same but whilst walking my puppy a man with his dog was talking to me (and my husband), he asked the dogs name, it’s a name with a couple of accepted spellings and for some reason I decided to spell it, except I couldn’t. I must have got it wrong about 4 times. The man ended up spelling it…..

I can of course normally spell it, just seemingly not at that particular point.

Haha I remember this one too, so funny!!

also...during covid...all masked up but forced to go out i got on the bus,heading to the next town. I merrily said "could i have a return ticket please"
driver said "where to?"
and i said..."here?"....
much to amusement of other passengers. woulda maybe been funny if he didnt have to specify-BUT WHERE RE you going?"...for me to click....

I had been in contact with people by email and finally met them at one of those 'fake' meetings, where everyone was putting on their best smiley act - a kind of meet and greet before a presentation

Someone approached me and said

"I'm so glad I can finally meet you, it's nice to put a face to the name"

Reply?

"Thank you"

This was nearly twenty years ago, but I still cringe when I think about it

I rang the payroll woman at work once and when she answered the phone I said “Hi how are you I’m good thanks you?” Like just one long sentence where I answered my own question.

Having recently done the hideous ‘collect the ashes of beloved dog’ walk - and almost giving myself a hernia trying not to collapse in tears - this is brilliant, thank you!! I’m crying and laughing at the same time (and am very sorry about you cat).

Oh god, just remembered another one.

I was in Smyths right at the end of the day near Christmas. The cashier was a really young girl and she was telling me that she was having a rough time and struggling badly with anxiety on that day.

I wanted to let her know that having a bad day doesn't mean that tomorrow will be bad too, and that each day you can start afresh and it might be a better day.

What I actually said to her was "Anxiety is awful, but the thing to remember is that things can always get much worse."

And then with that, I just left because I couldn't get my mouth to figure out what I meant to say instead 🤦🏻‍♀️

I also was once introduced to a colleague in my early twenties who I knew was a Sir and for unknown reasons I panicked and did a curtsy.

I was on the phone to my insurance company and they asked me to spell out my car reg and post code phonetically.

I can only remember alpha and nothing else from the phonetic alphabet and my mind went completely and utterly blank and all I could think of were swear words. It was like I lost all ability to think of normal words. So I told them B for bastard and T for Tom Hardy and W for “when you go for a walk” 🤣

I don't know what I was thinking. We still get the same guy sometimes and even now he looks slightly wary just in case I have more musical theatre moves up my sleeve

I once had an interview where I was so nervous I couldn't remember what you say when someone shakes you hand. So when each of the panel of 3 reached out their hand to me, instead of saying 'pleased to meet you/ how do you do?' or something normal, I said 'Oh thank you' and added an insane sort of curtsey. I just stopped short of tugging my forelock.

I didn't get the job.

"I'm Angela Hernandez!"

Not spoken but dp and I were in the garden, one of the dogs had pooed and I picked it up in a bag. Dp was stood next to the bin and held out his hand, to put the dog poo bag in the bin.

For some reason unknown to anyone, I just put the poo in my dp hand and kept the bag over mine.
He stood there for what felt like a really long time with his mouth open and flicking his eyes between his dog poo filled hand and me.
The only thing I could say "I thought you wanted the poo."
That is one story he tells everyone...

Sitting by DDs bedside shortly after she'd given birth. Nurse walks over and says "So how's mum doing?" to which I replied "Not too bad now thank you. Relieved she's OK"

After 9 days straight of full day shifts at work (retail). I was walking through a bit of a crowd and was trying to get past to catch my train. Instead of saying excuse me like a normal person I blurted out "next please!".

These have really made me laugh, I’m so pleased it’s not just me who sometimes talks rubbish 😊

Once left a voicemail for a job application. I said 'hello, this is haroldwilson my name is...' then realized I'd have to say my name again so I snorted and hung up

Oh I love this. I sign off internal emails with Cheers. Think I’m going to try Chanks tomorrow!