So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

shortly after going back to work after maternity leave with second child, in a meeting, excused myself by saying ‘mummy needs a wee wee’

Thankfully it was a meeting with other women who were also mums but still.

I’m on holiday in a hotel room with DH snoring next to me and I’m shaking with silent mirth at the memory!

Not me but my dad used to tell everyone about the time my mum embarrassed herself in B&Q in the early nineties…

They were redecorating the living room and my mum explained to the sales assistant who was a man in his early twenties about how much she wanted a “dildo rail” instead of a dado rail.

She apparently was earnestly telling him how “all her friends had put dildos up” and that she was inspired by it and was just looking to find the right look and also wanted curtains to match the carpet.

My dad kept a perfectly straight face and was a bit mean because he let her keep talking whilst the poor sales assistant stared at her in bewilderment until my dad finally explained what she meant. My dad was in absolute hysterics when they left the shop, he especially enjoyed telling my mum that “curtains matching the carpet” was a euphemism for pubic hair being the same colour as the hair on your head.

My mum was mortified and refused to ever go back, but my dad loved telling that story.
She did get her dildo rail though and thank goodness it went out of fashion because it looked fucking terrible. Two different types of floral wallpaper with the thin wooden rail separating them. What were they thinking? 😂.

DH dropped me off at work and as I walked into the building, rolled the window down and attempted to shout 'bye, love you'.

Instead he got confused and all that came out was a loud but strangled 'glove' 😂

Literally 15 years ago and I'm laughing as I'm typing.

hahaha!!!! I would do this.

Mine was last weekend, I play football and we always go and thanks the ref after, he said 'well played' so instead of saying thank you I said 'well played' back. To be fair compared to some of these it's small fry 😂

Mr Bean on holidays :P

I worked in fashion and during a presentation for the launch of our new crop trouser I said "and here is the new crap trouser of the season".
Absolutely mortified.

When I was a teenager I had a waitressing job and one day a young couple came in on a date. I was taking their dessert order when the guy said "i'll have a stiffy toffee pudding please"........both me and his date were in tears.

One of my mums colleagues was describing a new dress she had bought. Instead of saying lurex, she said i bought a lovely new dress made from durex. Lol.

I'm picturing the scene 😂😂😂

I work in an office in a shared building with other companies. The door to our office has frosted glass so you can see an outline of someone coming towards our door but cant see exactly who it is. Our team are always joking around and I saw what I thought was our co worker coming towards our door. I flung open the door and said in a very loud booming voice "YOU'RE LATE! you're in massive trouble now" and did a kind of evil cackle.

It wasnt my co worker, it was a man who was going up the stairs to the office above us. He looked absolutely terrified and stood stock still. I also said nothing as I was so shocked and convinced I'd seen my co worker, that my brain couldn't compute it wasnt actually them. We stood there in complete silence for what seemed like an absolute eternity and then he literally ran up the stairs to his office. I have seen him in passing since but every time I tried to stop him to explain he runs away from me. I really think he thinks I am mad now.

Ah this thread is just what I needed. So funny.

I don't think I've ever seen a thread from "other subjects" in active but I'm so glad this one made it.

"Good shit Sherlock'

Thanks for that brain.

Similar to the squirrel one, I came back from mat leave to my work frequently on construction sites and it took me a while to stop excitedly pointing out the 'diggers' to my colleagues.

😂😂😂😂

I work in reception and a parent at the door said 'love you' to their child. I automatically said 'you too'. Now that is wanting to die.

I accidentally told the pharmacist that I loved him instead of ‘lovely, thank you’

Love this!! 😂😂

im repeat offender for taking things literally.can be a nightmare when teamed with (non)thinking ,thinking/rapid reply...
so when i bought a huge xmas tree in waitrose and the man said "are you going to manage to put that up yourself?"....i went....what the fuck is wrong with you...stomped of trailing said tree and wsnt til i ws back outside i thought.oh hell,wtf is wrong with ME.

I work in a call centre and the people who accidentally say ok "ok thanks love you bye" at the end of the call brighten my day

This thread is absolutely killing me 😅😅 I'm supposed to be working in my study but I've literally just snorted out loud so I've outed myself somewhat 😅

I've posted this story before on a thread on MN but it's relatively recent so it's still burning a hole in my brain due to the embarrassment.

A few months ago I accidentally went to the chip shop wearing slippers. I never, ever leave the house in slippers. I didn't realise I was wearing slippers until I was standing in the fish and chip shop waiting for my food. I then proceeded to not only lean towards the woman behind the counter and whisper conspiratorially “I’m wearing slippers”, I then took a step back and shrieked “LOOK!!” and thrust my foot in the air, can-can style. Worst of all, I'm 48 and not as flexible as I clearly think I am so I sort of half-collapsed mid-kick.

Honestly, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me 😅🤦🏻‍♀️

I can never, ever visit that fish and chip shop again.

In a rather highbrow discussion in the workplace, I referred to William James' theory that 'the world of infants is a booming, buzzing confusion'.

Except that I said 'a boozing,.bumming confusion'.

And no, I hadn't been boozing!

I went to pick up my poor cats ashes at the weekend… I was very upset but trying really hard not to cry in middle of packed vets.
His casket was inside a blue flowery box and in my nervous state just blurted out “ ooh, you didn’t have to buy me a cake!” WTF? The poor lady didn’t know what to say and the waiting room was silent so everyone heard. Argh cringe.
To be fair, it did look like a cake box but I was so inappropriate.

I said thanks to a cash machine. Glad no one was there

I once asked the butcher in Morrisons if he had beef curtains.... he looked at me for a very long time before asking if I meant beef skirt

I sent out a batch of letters prepared via mail merge destined for 'Dock View Road' to 'Cock View Road'. ... Still makes me chuckle

Heading to work Christmas lunch one year and stopped to give a homeless person some cash. He was so miserable looking, a bit older, really dishevelled and just looked ghastly. He said thanks to me and added “have a lovely Christmas” and I said “you too!”

As if he we was going to have anything but a miserable Christmas- I felt so bad.