So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

When I was a student I worked in retail. I'd just done a really long shift and got on the bus to go home. I was exhausted and my brain was fried. I paid the bus driver and as he gave me my ticket I said "can I get you anything else with that or are you all ok now?" He looked surprised and I just muttered "oh sorry" and scuttled to the back of the bus. He gave me a slightly odd look when I got off at my stop 😆

I did that to my boss too... love you, byeee.

I was once on the phone to a doctor, just about to end the call and my toddler came running up to me. My brain couldn't process speaking to the doctor and acknowledging DS so I ended up saying. "Bye honey" I hung up before she could respond 🙈

Only very recently I tried to say “lovely, thank you” to someone and it came out as “love you”

I know someone who received a work wide email asking if anyone wanted to buy any Golden Virgina after bringing some tobacco home from holiday…god I hope it’s true and not some urban myth!

😂😂

I was once out for a work lunch, having just joined a new company.

We were there quite a while and as we were leaving, one chap said ‘can’t wait for a ciggy’
I responded by saying ‘yes, I really need to spread my legs!’.

Was mortified.

haha these are hilarious!

When my kids were little, I was on the bus on my own, sat at the window seat. I spotted a squirrel running along a garden fence as we stopped at a bus stop. I shouted and pointed "Ahh squirrel!" I obviously thought my kids were with me!
The woman next to me smiled politely but said nothing and she ever so slightly moved a few inches further away from me!

Mortifying.

Also, my partner once rang me to say he was a few min away from home, and just buying bread. A few min later doorbell rings, so me and the kid run up to the door shouting "It's DADDYYYYYYY", I open the door,the lil one goes "Daddyyyyy!!!!".

The Amazon driver holding the parcel was a bit surprised to say the very least.

This would be me. 😂

Hi Del Boy 😁

These are so good I needed this today, saying great to the neighbour saying hello is so funny

Once wrote in some paperwork to the crown prosecution service that Joe Bloggs had excreted some drugs in his underpants.

When having an unpleasant exchange with a neighbour. For context my child and their child was unkind to another child and neighbour tried to pin it all on my child and I began to say ‘that’s a load of nonsense’ but as I started talking I got more exacerbated by the blatant lie and ended up saying “that’s a load of NON SHIT” ! only glad she couldn’t see my face or I hers when I stormed off.

😂

As I was leaving my friend's wedding her new MIL (who I'd spoken to for the first time about an hour earlier) said 'lovely to meet you' and I replied 'love you too'. I think she thought I was a bit intense!

I once said to an important visitor in the office, as I shook his hand, "Nice to bite you" instead of meet you. I can't remember what I was actually trying to say.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My firm used to send a fair few firm wide emails about the usual tedious shite, one very senior partner once accidentally replied all with 'zzzzzzzzz' I mean we were all thinking it but still!!

😂this wins the thread

OMG, you are from the same place as me!

There was a thread like this not that long ago that had a story I absolutely howled at and I still chuckle now when I think of it. I wish I could find it! The OP was walking along the street and thought a man walking towards her was doing a thumbs up so she did too but as he got closer he was holding the straps of his backpack, not doing doing a thumbs up 😂

Last week I was dropping off my DS best mate after Saturday morning football. It was his baby sisters christening later on that day. As he was getting out of the car, a funeral home ad was playing on the radio.... I cheerily shouted 'bye, I hope your sisters funeral goes well... have fun!!!'
Omg

Omfg! You win!😂😂😂

😂😂I’ve just burst out laughing at that one

I was conducting a gross misconduct disciplinary meeting where two staff members had a physical fight which they said was messing around and "horseplay". I was summing up and said "we cannot tolerate foreplay in this company." Awful moment where we looked at each other, and both of us knew what i had just said, I just had to style it out and keep going.

I’ve got a recent one… travelling with colleagues to France, arrive and waiting to show my passport to get in the country. Colleague talking about her holiday to Spain so I said a cheery ‘¡Hola!’ to the guard. And colleagues heard and looking at me very bemused 😅