So embarrassed I wanted to die.

[Katkins17]

So I bought my shopping in Tesco...as you do....said thank you to the cashier when she gave me the receipt and my brain couldn't decide whether it wanted to say 'you're welcome' or 'no problem' so instead it shouted quite loudly to the cashier and the whole queue behind me ...

'YOU'RE THE PROBLEM'

I just stood there, with us all looking uncomfortable and not knowing what to say .... plus a few sniggers behind.

What is the worse thing you've said without meaning to ?????

Not mine but a friend who would visit transport sites to look at the tachographs. One regular customer presented her with an overfull mug of coffee and as she sat there with him standing over her she helpfully said “do you want me to suck that off for you.”

Another Ocado one.
I opened the door to the Ocado man and he was incredibly good looking, for some reason I just froze and he said something to me and I just stared and said "what?" he repeated "would you like me to take those bags?" (that |I was holding in my hand).
I just continued to stare and said "bags"
We looked at eachother for a second before DS came up behind me and took them out of my hand, gave them to the Ocado man and suggested I go into the kitchen
I have no idea what came over me, he was very dishy but not exactly Brad Pitt

A friend started a new job in a French-speaking country.
Walking down the office corridor, a man was coming towards her.
She was debating between "hello" and "salut" (Hi) but instead came out with "salaud" ("bastard")

Crying laughing.

Just remembered that the other weekend I was talking to a blind person about a TV programme and said 'oh it's brilliant you should see it!'.
Deep shame.

I've done this too to a very nice man I met through my hobby who's quite famous in that field so I was delighted to meet him. Anyway instead of saying what I was thinking, which was I'm so thrilled to have met him, I said 'love you' in front of half his colleagues.

When I was younger I think I might have literally died on the spot but now I kind of styled it out and just laughed.

I know someone who used the Tannoy to call for a particular staff member and said 'love you' at the end of the announcement. Customers who listened and heard were laughing all around the store.

Some of these have got me giggling! Mine’s not so funny. I used to work for Sony in the UK, but had recently moved to Xerox. I turned up at a supplier to visit their quality manager and said to the receptionist, ‘Hi, I’m UrsulaBelle from Sony, I’ve got an appointment.’ She said ‘I don’t have you in the diary?’ I said, ‘Ooh, sorry, from Xerox not Sony!’ She was then most suspicious that I was some sort of cold caller. Finally convinced her to check with the quality manager.

We used to answer the work intercom and then shout 'sandwich van' down the office. We'd hear the horn so usually knew it was him. Once a colleague didn't pick up and say our company name but instead loudly called 'sandwich van!' down the phone at him.

I have actual tears of laughter, oh my god 😂

I was posting a parcel at a post office counter that’s inside a Co-op. The woman at the actual Co-op counter asked someone if they had a Co-op card. I had my head down and thought it was the post office lady. Ended up saying no quite loudly before I made the connection she obviously wouldn’t care if I had a Co-op card. She stared at me blankly before carrying on so either she thought I was talking to myself or was a fucking idiot joining in another conversation and I don’t know which is worse.

I signed up to a boot camp class at my gym, I was pretty unfit at the time. One of the regular gym goers gave me a nod and a jovial 'sympathy look' when I entered the boot camp room.

After the class we all filed out, I was full of adrenaline but felt like I was dying as it had been so full on! The gym goer bloke saw me coming out and gave me a 'how did it go' look, I looked at him right in the face and did a 'slitting my throat' gesture. I thought it would be a good idea to show him how full on it was and how it made me feel like I was about to die! Instead he looked scared and walked away quickly 😅 Think I must have looked a bit deranged!

That's really made me laugh...a lot!

This thread has got me laughing so much I think my dog thinks I'm having a seizure!

Two that spring to mind for me:

Dropping something at the dry cleaners some years ago and they asked me for my phone number which I duly reeled off. Followed by "I'm so sorry I have no idea whose number I just gave you but it's not mine!" I don't even know if it was anybody's number or just random numbers. I've done the same thing on another occasion since...

Passing an elderly gentleman in the village whose sister, with advanced dementia, had been admitted to a nursing home. As you do I enquired after her, he said she was comfortable etc. and we got to the "well, best get on, nice to see you" stage. I felt I wanted to say something like "I hope Myrtle gets better soon" but, knowing she actually wouldn't, I couldn't think of anything appropriate. So the words that came out of my mouth were "I'm glad your sister's not dead yet". All I could do was just blink at the man in utter embarrassment but thankfully he chuckled and said "so am I"

'Have a nice day'

'Have a nice baby'

To the pregnant women working in Asda 🫠

I’d have loved it if you’d pointed a squirrel out to me!

Oh my God you nearly killed me from laughing with this one. 🤣

I was invited to a party by friends given by a well know public figure. I didn’t know this man personally but obviously knew who he was. My friends and I were standing in a group and a man was standing next to us and no-one was talking to him so I turned to him and in an attempt to be friendly said “Hello, I’m toppcatt, what’s your name?” He replied, “I’m (well known public figure.) I immediately replied, “Of course you are.” Everyone stood there in silence and I could have died.

You don't need to worry about that at all - blind people are happy with that as a metaphor.

I was working one day, after a sleepless night (excuses!) - someone came to reception of where I was working and instead of saying hi - good morning - hello whatever I said ‘good afternoon bla bla bla middle school’ in a chiming voice, like answering the phone. The poor woman didn’t know what to say! So embarrassing!

I was in a rush to buy some paint for the ceiling. I met my neighbour and meant to say I was in a rush because I wanted to get another coat of paint on the ceiling before it got dark. I actually told her I was going to B&Q for a cunt.

Years ago I used to work in a restaurant, on certain days we did a buffet and on this particular day I was working till which was behind a big bar. Next in the queue was (what I assumed) parents and their child, so I asked what they’d like and they said they all wanted buffet so I said that’s 2 adults and one child that’ll be such n such. One of them said no that’s three adults rather rudely so I looked over the bar and proceeded to say “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you down there” it was a woman with dwarfism, I wanted the ground to swallow me whole

the other day my husband was bemoaning the fact that he is not as young and strong as he used to be and said that he would be more intimidated if he was attacked by a younger man these days. He concluded by saying " oh well I suppose you only need to decapitate them temporarily and then you can get away ! " .
I still keep giggling about it imagining him.trying to put some aggressive man's head back on.

I used to be a lawyer and referred to a penile colony rather than a penal colony

I worked 2 months for a Christian family who have very deeply held beliefs and were incredibly strict on behaviour and language. I don't think I spoke to anyone for the first 4 weeks just in case I upset this lovely family.

A couple of years later I saw the mother of the family out in public and therefore context but couldn't quite place her. She recognised me instantly came up and said hello and started to ask how I was.

Her name suddenly clicked in my brain, which is operated by a hamster in a wheel sometimes, and loudly exclaimed to all and sundry.

HELLO SUE, HOW THE DEVIL ARE YOU!

Oh crap

Was standing in the Post office waiting to post a parcel .

I got to the head of the queue and the man serving said 'Hello, how's it going?'

I couldn't recall him but didn't want to be rude so I said 'I'm fine , how're you?'

He said 'No , is your parcel going 1st or 2nd class?'

Could have sunk through the floor .