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Original poster

Probably Make Me Unpopular but......

170 replies

mumtochloe · 12/10/2004 11:39

Has anyone else not enjoyed a MN meetup? I went to one a while ago - no names or places mentioned - and apart from two lovely ladies who I only got talking to at the end, Ifound everyone very unfriendly and cliquey. Everyone knew each other already and sat in their little groups ignoring everyone else. Another lady like me was sat on her own the whole time too and funny enough has not been back on here since.
It broke my heart that DD seemed to suffer too as some of the adults were playing a game of rounders and ignored her too in favour of the kids they had met before.

Don't get me wrong - I have seen some fantastic, hertwarming posts on here numerous times, and I will continue to post, but I for one will not be going to another. It was worse than NCT!

Does everyone hate me now?

PS, and no I am not a troll. Just want to hear if it is just me

OP posts:
SpringChicken · 12/10/2004 11:55

Didn't mean to make you feel worse MTC that was just my opinion - not a personal experience!

You can tell Coddy's back

Original poster
mumtochloe · 12/10/2004 11:55

Jane - you may talk to new people but would you ignore someone for hours who was obviously feeling uncomfortablr, and would you ignore her child too?

I am not trying to go over old ground - just trying to say how hurt I was.

OP posts:
jane103 · 12/10/2004 11:55

sorry
ok : )
O dpont want o be rude but as sm said this has come up a lot and never helps any situation.

dinosaur · 12/10/2004 11:56

M2C I think you have to take a big deep breath, screw up your courage to the sticking point and just go for it, butting in if necessary! You can do it!

jane103 · 12/10/2004 11:56

no, but i have been there and so either
a) didnt go back
or b) talked to htem myself.

Fennel · 12/10/2004 11:56

Mrs D - I hope you're not inviting people to "our" meetup!

(just joking, honest...)

motherinferior · 12/10/2004 11:56

I'm very sorry. I think it does happen to a lot of people - including long-term posters - some times, but that is no excuse. I'm also quite sure I've done the 'ingroup' thing

tiptop · 12/10/2004 11:57

mumtochloe - I think you've every right to your post and I think it's good that you've raised these points. I've only been to one meet up and there was only 2 of us, so my experience is very limited. I hope your experience of MN and meet-ups is good in future.

Batters · 12/10/2004 11:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

motherinferior · 12/10/2004 11:58

Oh, and I think it DOES help to bring up the 'clique' or 'exclusion' thing regularly, as it happens. If MTC felt left out, that's important.

MrsDoolittle · 12/10/2004 11:58

Yes, and you thought it was jsut going to be 'us' Fennel!! Teeee heeee

mothernature · 12/10/2004 11:58

It would probably help if people didn't keep changing their names all the time, at least then you'd know who you were talking too, in some cases 'at', perhaps people would be able to get to know other people by actually knowing their mn names, names that they stick too.....[stromp over, slamming door behind..]

Original poster
mumtochloe · 12/10/2004 11:58

Thats ok Spring Chicken - feeling a bit het up right now.

I feel a bit shy butting in dinosaur - especially as most of the conversations seemed to be about those who were not there and who I had also never met before.

Jane - I know a lot of post have been about this but never about a meetup before. Was just wondering if anyone else had suffered too

OP posts:
welshmum · 12/10/2004 11:58

I was scared going to my first meet up, and it was difficult - probably because I don't often put myself in that situation ie a roomful of people where I know noone except dd. But I'm glad I did go. I got talking to some other new girls and the older hands were very sweet - though obviously and very fairly - interested in catching up with old mates. Some people can come across as more standoffish but I think it's just a strange situation and often not intentional at all. I think it can feel like an ordeal but is potentially full of promise. I'm signed up for the next one.

snmum · 12/10/2004 12:00

yes mumtochloe but what i really want to know is...

do they wax their upper lips? or is it all hairy under there?

acer · 12/10/2004 12:00

Don't think I would bother with a meet up now.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 12/10/2004 12:00

If you felt left out like that its really sad, having made the effort to go.

It's difficult isn't it, because it was probably unintentional, but left you feeling this way.

Unfortunately, an experience like this really puts you off.

I went to my 1 and only "meet up" of a local nct group (lived in a different area to now) and ended up leaving in tears. Lots of nasty side swipes about caesareans and bottle feeding directed at me. I was distraught when I got home.

In that instance, there really was no excuse for their behaviour, there just were some bitchy, unpleasant people there who "held court" over everyone else.

Yorkiegirl · 12/10/2004 12:01

Message withdrawn

MrsDoolittle · 12/10/2004 12:01

Here here MI. This is an issue and therefore needs to be addressed regularly. (As I said to dh last night to avoid a huge barney!)

jampot · 12/10/2004 12:03

I notice no-one from Solihull & Surrounding has commented here . Actually this is completely different but the same IYKWIM - I can talk for England and so, it appears can Ronnie and at our last meetup I felt I/we monopolised the evening (without kids - much better) so to all Solihullies - SORRY!!! it won't happen again.

dejags · 12/10/2004 12:05

I went to one and left in floods of tears. It was absolutely awful!!!

I sat on my own wondering who the MNers were (we arranged to identify each other with balloons and as there was only one other person in the room with a balloon sitting in a large group of people I felt too shy to go up to her).

I would never ever go to another meetup because i felt humiliated and really left out. It was clear that everybody knew everbody and I was the outsider

Having said that it hasn't stopped me posting on mumsnet - we come here to escape the real world in a way and in my view it's probably better to keep it separate.

Marina · 12/10/2004 12:06

Sorry you didn't enjoy the meet-up MTC, I, like others, think the point you raised is worth making. Meet-ups can be nerve-wracking - I should know, I organised the first one ever nearly four years ago and I was completely P*SSED by the time anyone else arrived (and yes it was lunchtime and yes I am ashamed of myself).
I've been to ones I loved and ones where I felt a bit out of it, since.
Agree with dinosaur that plunging in is the best solution if you can bear to.
But meet-ups aren't a compulsory part of Mn life, they're an "optional extra", so hopefully you will continue to enjoy the bits you like and leave the bits you don't. And I hope that maybe by CATing you might find some other local Mners to meet with if you want to as well...

tiptop · 12/10/2004 12:06

mumtochloe - Also, I'd suggest that if you're going to a meet-up, do a bit of homework in advance and let a few of the people you know from MN who are also going, know that you're a bit nervous and arrange to seek each other out. Hopefully the next one should be much nicer. Also, please don't be put off by the remarks that some people make. Some people just shout others down by suggesting that the problem doesn't exist and I think that's rude and insensitive to the person who has posted.

ScummyMummy · 12/10/2004 12:06

oh dejags, how awful.

acer · 12/10/2004 12:07

dejags I agree.